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Seriously, I'm going to lose it (again)

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  1. UESbugs

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Mon Nov 26 2007 15:11:24
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    Hey to whomever reads this post: I'm losing it. LOSING IT. Boyfriend's completely infested apartment, which has been bagged and mass exodus of items for well over a month now was treated a month ago by very reputable NYC PCO. The tech guy was a total dick though, and stormed out but was coerced by Boss to return and finish the job. Building caught wind of this, and fired them. Too bad, I guess the LL thinks he now knows Alll about bedbugs. When I first told LL about problem, they sent their guys and I didn't want to use them, so I requested my own, and when they came, tech guy flipped, LL basically said I told you so, fired that PCO, and then finally sent the original guys who treated on Friday.

    We went away for holiday weekend, and upon return, salesdude who has been to apt. twice, and claims he is an expert, spoke to boyfriend on phone last night about what they did in the apartment, but failed to give boyfriend any follow-up instructions, nor (of course) did boyfriend bother to inquire [why is it just that ONE partner is breaking their back and the other one is too important/busy/in denial to bother being that involved with this extremely difficult process???????????

    Boyfriend reviews his coversation on sunday night to me and says that that guy said I should call him if I have any questions. Well, just getting that information today, so called him asap and asked him about post-treatment instructions. He says, no vacuuming. I ask about mopping, he says "oh yeah, no mopping". WELL GUESS WHAT? Cleaning lady comes on monday mornings and MOPS. Did boyfriend tell cleaning lady not to vacuum (he could have left a note!)? Did boyfriend tell cleaning lady not to mop (even if he did know not to mop, he wouldn't have left her with this note anyway!)

    I tell guy on phone that neither of us were informed to not mop, and ask if he told this to boyfriend over phone last night, he says "i left an instruction sheet, it's all on the sheet"... gets VERY defensive, and says he has to go. Guy NEVER left instruction sheet, and I've given him my email address several times to email it. Full of [expletive deleted]. Cleaning lady was there this morning, and probably mopped AND vacuumed and now what? The treatment is pretty much null and void correct? Why does it seem to me that no one else has a moment to understand these creatures by visiting this website and READING? Boyfriend says that I'm the expert, and that he doesn't have the time to read this website. Umm, but you have time to read a zillion other websites for up to 3 hours a night? Why is all of this on my back? Why am I even bothering to help if no one is going to follow instructions properly?

    PS, PCO rep said that after 2nd treatment, we can "go ahead and put clothes back in the drawers and closets". Where the hell did this guy learn his information from? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME... Does anyone not know anything? This is BEYOND. I do not trust this PCO (AE, Inc.). I know PA, Inc.'s tech guy stormed out and was a dick, but at the reps at PA, Inc. had the same opinions and information about the majority information on this site, and to me, this site is gospel. Who here would EVER say it was safe to put clothes back in drawers after 2nd treatment? Is vigilance no longer required in this war? there is a mass infestation (spotted several in middle of day on different days, and many, many at night when first discovered, loaded under boxspring, bites on me, bloodstains on the reg). Need to calm down, just so aggravated by this, and feeling alone in the fight bc no one is listening to me

  2. itchyincharmcity

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Mon Nov 26 2007 15:36:54
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    The technician stormed out? What the heck is that all about? Doesn't sound very professional.

    I have to say you are very lucky if they are only in your boyfriend's place. If I were you I wouldn't even go over there for fear of bringing them home. I know this is not a forum for relationship advice, but perhaps a little tough love will get BF to pay more attention to his home.

    Did BF tell the cleaning lady that he has bedbugs? Because depending on what she cleans and how much, she could pick them up and bring them to another client's home or to her own place. And that would be uncool.

  3. lieutenantdan

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Mon Nov 26 2007 15:50:34
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    UESbugs,
    I wonder something about the people who refuse to work as hard. This guy either has some major head problems or he is just lazy.
    I say both. I would not only not go to his place but I would not have him come to my place until he gets his act together.

  4. UESbugs

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 1:12:03
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    Lt Dan & Itchy- thanks for your supportive words. Honestly do not know where else I could have gotten so much helpful advice, direction and support were it not for this site. Following the reading of your posts, I decided that I've been a total maniac, and that I was once again, going above and beyond my call of duty to my boyfriend (fine, it's been over 3 years, but still).

    You know what? I have my own darn apartment. I sleep throughout the night when I'm here. My bed (unlike his), does not wind up 5 feet from where it started in the middle of the night due to the el cheapo metal bed frame he now has. El Cheapo bed frame has no support, and two wheels - you know the kind. He rolls around in the bed and I wake up regardless of my heavy sleeping constantly. I feel itchy scratchy and paranoid all night. The pillows are full of air and the cases are always slipping off due to the BB covers on them being slippery. I spend 30 minutes "preparing" the bedroom by inspecting and spraying Kleen Free everywhere, all the while convincing myself that it's "all natural" and the chems are killing me softly. Now that the bed higher than ever, I have to fashion my poochies doggie steps using one of the new plastic bins and a pillow from the couch (wrapped in plastic) so that he can get up and down off the bed if he has to pee or whatever (he goes on a pad at night). The dog is scared to go on and off, so he wakes me at 3am to tell me he has to pee by licking my face.

    RANT RANT RANT.. this is all I'm good for nowadays. When speaking to my sister's about this, I don't even know where to begin. I stopped posting here for a while because I started going loopy. Not to bash ANYTHING having to do with this site, or any of it's wonderful posters, it's just that I needed to clear my mind of bedbug clutter and obsession as I was having nightmares while I was awake.

    Anyway, POINT IS; the tough love thing is really where it's at. I told him this morning as we were getting ready to leave that I wasn't going to be spending nights there for a bit, as it's too much for my emotions. Also, my mom is coming to stay with me for a week starting Weds and I want to be home for her while she's here. That worked well as a reason too.

    Now for the scary part, yes Itchy, I'm terrified that I may have them. I truly do not know. I spent time searching and searching, but nothing. I feel like I've been bit here a while back, but just still not sure. I used clear tape against the edges of my baseboards, nothing interesting came up, except some pooch fur. Black spots under my blanket all the time, but I don't think it's what I don't want them to be. Just read today for the first time about soaking them in water or peroxide. Tried that, and nothing. So scared... need mental help.

  5. Bites44

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 10:00:11
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    You have to take one day at a time, and convince yourself that whatever happens, you can deal with it. We are all doing that and sometimes it is very hard and so distressing. For me also life threatening, because of my age, my disability with my hip, and also a serious heart condition. Any exertion and mental stress can cause angina, which means I could have a second heart attack, and/or stroke.

    It is easy to overreact in everything. I am itchy all the time too, and then often notice it is a hair on my arm or something like that. I go overboard all the time, I see specks on the bed and on the floor and on the table, and these are only dust, gains of sand or grains of coffee, etc.

    It is definitely possible to bring them home with you, in a seam of clothing, in a shoe, in your purse. I had a party in my home on Oct. 13th or so this year, and two days later I found a BB in a book given to me by my niece. She had been treated in her apartment a week earlier, and at the time we did not yet know how easily the bugs can hitch a ride. So now I have them,

    Since the party, one of the guests (my sister) at that party now believes she has them too. If that is true then she picked them up at my house while she was there (and she was there for only about 5 hours and mainly in the living room)

    We take all kinds of precautions. I have been helping my niece with cleaning and steaming, etc. When I go there, my boots or shoes, jacket, and purse go into a bag right away. When I leave I change into clean clothes that I have brought, and then I leave right away. I do not sit in her car. I do not allow people to come into my own home except to come in and out. My granddaughter comes every Saturday, and when she comes her jacket and shoes go into a clean plastic bag. When she leaves I brush her hair out, and then she changes into clean clothes and leaves right away. Even so, there is a chance of bugs hitching a ride on her to take to her own home.

    My experience has been, as you can see, that bed bugs can be transported from home to home quite easily. You could have them also. Are you getting bites in your own home? Good luck, I surely hope you do not have them.

  6. cosbear

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 10:26:08
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    UESbugs I read you loud and clear. I came perilously close to complete emotional breakdown while badly infested. I have posted on this before but will give a brief synopsis. My roommate is my best friend. We have lived together for several years and never even came close to an argument. When I found that we were infested it fell on my shoulders to do all the work. He has no reactions to the bites. He said I was obsessive compulsive and paranoid. I told him he was selfish and lazy. He said he would not let bugs rule his life. I said then find somewhere else to live. We got into an argument so bad I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the cops. I stormed out of the apartment and didn't come back for hours. I'm am a nonviolent person, but came very close to punching him I was so overwrought and pissed off. He did apologize later and started doing his part. I think he was afraid I'd kick him out and he was right. We did get through it.

    I agree with others responding to this post. I wouldn't even go over there and wouldn't let him come to my place, without a strict regime to protect your place, unless he took more responsibility. I surely hope that your place hasn't been infested already. If you are really worried that your place has been compromised I would seriously reconsider having your mom come to stay. I think I would postpone the visit until I was sure it was safe. At least make sure she goes home without them if she does come. There is info on here how to do that.

    I don't understand why you need excuses or justification to stay away from his place. The bbs and his reluctance to do his part is all the justification necessary. Good luck, I hope you get a break I know how bad it can be, and you really do need a break. Please take care of yourself. Later... cos

  7. lieutenantdan

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 11:36:11
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    Another Warrior not appreciated.

    My wife and in-laws think ill of me for my constant vigilance and work ethic with bed bugs.
    My sister-in-law Denise thinks that I suffer from OCD. My wife listens to her family and sides with them of course.
    The funny thing is that one would think that if you had a family member that has gone through as devestating a situation such as a bed bug infestation one would get support and hugs. I am finding this a problem with many bb sufferers that one is hard working and the other appears not to give a [expletive deleted]. One does most if not eventually all of the work and the other seems to go out of their way to compromise the efforts. I understand that society may view us Warriors as some kind of nuts but I wonder what the professional phrase or diagnosis for the person who sits around and does little or nothing about the problem would be called or labled. I would really like to have that knowledge.

    Does anyone know?

    I have gotten more support from my friends and my family than my in-laws. If I were lucky enough that someday my son had married someone as good of a person as me I would be very happy. Maybe I would be appreciated more if I did not give a [expletive deleted].
    Maybe I should let myself fall to the darkside and develop all kind of addictions and be nothing but trouble instead of being so responsible. That would really give my in-laws something to talk about.

    Where is the LOVE these days?

  8. jennifer09

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 12:03:14
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    Hi UESbugs,
    I just wanted to say I understand completely. I only found my bed bugs two weeks ago and the first week almost lost it. I took last week off work to deal and am slowly feeling better. NO ONE really understand what we go through. Yes my mom, sister, friends are sympathetic, but I'm the one alone in my apt fighting these things living out of plastic bags. Dreaming about them, spraying alcohol on things etc. So I understand.

    The other thing that was really hard was that my boyfriend totally freaked too. And understandably. I would have freaked if he had them. He and I did not spend a night together for the past 2 weeks. There was no way I could risk bringing them over to his place. I spend Sunday there for first time since finding BBs and I'm taking HUGE precautions. Take stuff out of dryer, put in sealed bag, use that 1 set of clothes in his place. Certainly our relationship has been affected by this and the hardest thing is that until I'm bite free for a month or longer, it has to be like this. But that's something I work on accepting each day. And taking it a day at a time. So anyways...hang in there.

  9. Nobugsonme

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 16:01:55
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    Here also.

    I won't go into details on this on my case, but let's just say from what I have heard (and professional "Winston" confirmed it) people break up over this. All the time.

    I understand why some people do not care. They're usually people who do not react to bites. (I used to say "who are not bitten" but thanks to S's groundbreaking amateur research on bite reactions, I think they often ARE bitten.) Or they believe what others think--that it just requires a treatment or two, and no prep. Or it just isn't that precise of an operation.

    People who follow prep compulsively do well. Everyone isn't like that. Being a slacker or even just laid back with bed bugs gets you nowhere. And it will take him time to realize that even with your help.

    Eventually, often after months of trauma, and sometimes couples counseling (I am not exaggerating), they get it.

    And then other times, people break up. If that's the outcome, then this is probably just the straw that broke the camel's back. (Or the bed bug that itched the camel's back?) Like any serious crisis, you learn what you're made of and what your partner is made of. And if your partner is going to not take something seriously that has a serious impact on you, this is when you find out.

    That said, UES, a lot of people DO eventually get through to the other person in this scenario. Probably most do. Be persistent and spell it out, repeatedly. He is making it hard for bed bugs to go away and he needs to take responsibility.

    I started and run the site but am "not an expert."
  10. itchyincharmcity

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 16:23:25
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    My friends are being pretty cool, hanging out with me in public, letting me sleep over at the house post-treatment, helping with encasement, letting me ride in their cars, etc. But I think they don't understand. It was I who brought up the protocol to assure them I was taking precautions, and I who suggested how to handle their clothing when they visited me. They seem to have great faith in the ziplocs, more than any of us here. They just have no idea of what they would be in for if they became infested. They think I am a nutcase and frankly, they think that conversing with all you paranoiacs is the reason why.

    My mom totally thinks this is a manageable situation (which it is but not easily), that one treatment should do it, and she says she doesn't even believe I have bedbugs, just some other random pests or tiny spiders. She got some kind of wierd bite in my house last weekend (a reaction like none I have seen described here) and she maintains it was a spider bite.

    Can't wait until Harvard emails me! In a perverse way, I actually want them to say I have bedbugs so I can prove to everyone that I am not psycho.

  11. buggedoutinbaltimore

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 16:35:45
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    this is not a relationship's best friend, particularly when you, your partner, and bed bugs are suddenly living together and none of you know how to relate in this new, unexpected menage a trois.

    my boyfriend thinks i am a lunatic and i think he is insensitive and in bb denial and none of it is pretty.

    sweet relief cannot come soon enough...

  12. aye

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 16:41:57
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    same here itchy, I've stopped talking to my family about the whole situation because they just don't understand the gravity of it. they think I'm being overly dramatic. I was telling them at thanksgiving that I've been bite-free for almost a month and now they think I'm out of the woods entirely. my mother wonders why I'm still living out of ziplocs, because "aren't the bugs are gone now?" ... sigh.

  13. itchyincharmcity

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 16:42:31
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    Oooh, I wish my ex and his skank wife would get bedbugs and it would destroy their lives. Maybe I should catch some and dump them through their mail slot.

    MUAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!

  14. BBsBlow

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 16:54:28
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    Friends and family think I am nuts. Like I learned here, I am not crazy; just vigilant. I have been told to seek therapy. After all this (and it's ongoing), how could I possibly sit on a couch? LOL I freak out any time someone itches in front of me. I have to inspect everything I can't see when I am standing up in case it's a bug. My friends think I have the plague. A friend invited me to her New Year's party last year and I said I could go. Then she ended up canceling it. Hmm. I haven't had a closet in nearly a year. I'm sick of the Ziplocs, and teeter on the edge like many of us here, yet I put up a good front. I am so grateful that it's just me fighting this fight. I don't know what I'd do if I lived with someone who didn't do anything to help. These bugs do NOT go away if they're ignored; quite the opposite. I've said this before, and I'll say it again: I refuse to be defeated by a bug. However, at the moment they're kind of winning. At least mentally! But the tides will turn for all of us, and we'll be victorious!

    -Blow

  15. purplebugladee

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 16:55:18
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    I am amazed by how common this is. My boyfriend told me that quite frankly if I didn't do the work, it wouldn't get done. He doesn't think it's a big deal. He doesn't even think about the bed bugs; in his opinion I am obsessing and he makes comments about my reading this blog.....just as many of you have described. Yet he is not a slob and is actually quite a clean freak! This guy is such a wonderful, loving person otherwise! I think he is just in denial about it as others have said. He did get a slight reaction when they were bad but not the huge reaction I got. He jokes I should get a second career as a PCO. Do any of you think they would take care of the problem if someone else (us) wasn't doing it for them? Or do some people just have a tolerance for little vampires crawling all over them?

  16. itchyincharmcity

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 16:59:04
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    Denial is a big problem. Also selfishness, or maybe self-centeredness is a better word. I am not trying to call your boyfriend self-centered. However, there are people who just don't even think about the fact that they could inflict this plague on coworkers, family, friends, etc.

  17. buggedoutinbaltimore

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 17:27:28
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    i think some people just handle life's difficulties differently. some people rage against the machine and others let it be.

    and it is very easy to call someone or "obsessive" or "crazy." it's much, much harder to actually do the difficult work that sometimes appears "obsessive" (how many times DO we have to look inside of our knee-high boots with a flashlight before we put them on?), and consistently and systematically take care of your business that is indeed, crazy (who wants to open up a ziploc bag every morning to get out your suit for work?).

  18. currentinsomniac

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 18:08:57
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    I know our bbs could have come from anywhere. I've caught wind that perhaps at one point in the past our next door neighbor had them (they did have rugs hanging on their deck for 3 months straight after we moved in)...and the people living in our place before us had a problem with "bugs" before they "went away". (Didn't know they were bed bugs! Hello!?!) Guess I should track them down and find out what "bugs" they had to be sure....
    But the timing of it all indicates our BBs probably came from a gift brought back by my parents from Peru. I put the gift on the couch when showing it to my husband and within two days of the item entering our home, my husband (who was sleeping on the couch at the time) started getting bitten. I think my parents feel really bad and offered to pay for our PCO and will give us their couches when they move next May, but I sometimes get the feeling they think I'm taking it way too serious...and am a little on the obsessive side. I'm totally afraid my parents home may be infected, but they take it with a grain of salt. My husband's dad and step-mom were even worse. When we told them, they thought we were totally overreacting and told us to not tell anyone...even our next door neighbors. (We did anyways). So we don't talk to them about it anymore. It's hard when they don't know anything about them and don't want to.
    On the other hand, I have had a good friend who really tries to understand the situation. She asked a lot of questions and even laughed about feeling the "crawlies" herself when we talked about them. We've hung out and she doesn't treat me like a leper. Again, I don't think she understands the full gravity of it all, but I at least appreciate her trying. I know she's a true friend.
    As for my husband, these things have probably actually helped our marriage. Most of the work has fallen on my shoulders because he works full time and I out of the home....but we seem to have something in common now and feel stressed out by these things together. He still doesn't understand how out of control I feel some days, but he tries.
    So I guess in many ways these BBs are a test of our relationships with people. I suppose what doesn't rip us apart will make us even closer in the end. (At least we'll keep our fingers crossed, right?)

  19. nyjammin

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Wed Nov 28 2007 21:11:40
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    LtDan said: "The funny thing is that one would think that if you had a family member that has gone through as devestating a situation such as a bed bug infestation one would get support and hugs."

    I've been reading and reading and then a lightbulb went off in my mind. IMO it's like a movie. You go to the movie about a traumatic true story. OK. So you cry about the movie and may even think about it a few days later and talk about it briefly w/friends and family, etc. Then, guess what....it disappears. Same thing here folks. You tell family and friends, but they are not LIVING the nightmare. You and we are. People in those traumatic true story movies lived them and are probably still haunted by their experience. At the end of the movie we go home to OUR lives and forget about the movie, even though it's true and traumatic. Well, folks. If you guys keep telling your family and friends, they don't wanna hear about it. It's like seeing that same true story movie. "I saw that movie but now let's go on to something else."

    Family and friends think "You guys keep cleaning and cleaning and bagging and laundry, get on w/it already!!! What's up w/you? What's wrong w/you? Get on w/life already!"

    I'm going to throw something out there, ok? If it were the other way around. If it wasn't YOU who was infested, but a friend or neighbor or family member, do you think, just a little bit that you would react the same way that these people are reacting? Really think hard about it. You would be going about your regular daily lives while this other person is suffering. It's like a movie, but now it is us that is the true story.

    Now, as far as people living in the same household, that's like the same story. I've seen many a movie where there was tradegy and because of it, people broke up, got divorced, etc. I believe everyone here has seen movies like that as well. A child gets kidnapped or killed or someone gets cancer or there's a car accident that leaves someone disabled, etc. and one person handles it differently than the other and so their relationship suffers. Well, this is unfortunately the same thing.

    I also don't understand some people, really. If I had someone willing to do all of that physical labor to protect my kids, I would kiss their feet. I would praise them.

  20. cosbear

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    Posted 12 years ago
    Mon Dec 3 2007 11:13:52
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    Howdy nyjammin:

    You make some good points. I try very hard to not blame my friends and relatives for not understanding. No one who has not been through it possibly can. I also try to not overexpose them to my bb problems because it just makes the problems worse. I am lucky in that many of my fellow tenants at my last complex, I have gotten to know since the bugs and we rely on each other. Though I live in another state now I have unlimited free long distance through my cable provider and we talk a lot to each other and sympathize. We completely understand each other. I also have you here as well.

    Roommates or spouses of course are a much more serious problem. If they do not come on board with the program all of your struggles can become compromised. As regards the many families I have come to know from my prior residence I have already seen 5 couples break up, maybe permanently. I doubt that bbs are completely to blame but certainly ramped up the problems these couples faced in their relationship. I'm not in touch with many others there though so who knows how many have had similar problems. Surely any great stress in any relationship will increase the chance of such problems and as we all know bbs are great fer raising the stress levels. Later... cos


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