Got Bed Bugs? Bedbugger Forums » Psychological and Health problems caused by bed bugs (besides bites)

Not sure if I'm crazy or of this is happening again

(6 posts)
  1. BugBreakdown

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    Posted 1 year ago
    Sun Jul 1 2018 18:46:09
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    I'm at a point where I'm questioning my judgement and sanity.

    My first experience with bed bugs was years ago. I unknowingly moved into an apartment with a terrible chronic infestation. My partner and I were there for 2 years and battled them on and off the whole time. The psychological effect on me was very very damaging. I never felt at ease in my own home. I was afraid to sleep, sit down anywhere, have anyone over, or go to anyone's house. Our landlords were very unhelpful and cruel, insisting that we must have caused the infestation. Our building manager later quit and privately apologized for how we had been treated. After that we got rid of pretty much everything and moved into a new apartment, where we lived for a blissful 2 and a half bug free years.

    When our relationship ended, I moved into a shared apartment with roommates. 3 months in I began getting bites. The landlord dealt with it right away but I never felt comfortable after that..

    After a year at that place I found a new apartment of my own. Housing is very scarce and competitive where I live. It is easy to snatch a place up without much due diligence because the place will often be taken by another before you have even had a chance. On my first day there, I was doing my own cleaning of the unit. I took down the curtains to wash and found them FULL of shed skins. My heart sank and I felt crushed that I had been so foolish and not thoroughly inspected. I never spent one night there. Instead I broke my lease, losing my deposits and 1st months rent. I painstakingly cleaned and paid professionals over $1000 to heat treat and inspect my belongings. Anything that couldn't be treated was thrown away. No bugs or evidence were found in my stuff.

    I was homeless for a while but then found what seemed to be a dream apartment. Clean, happy tenants, everything in very good repair, no history of bed bugs that anyone in the building is aware of. However there was a clause on the lease that raised an eyebrow. They had added a "bed bug addendum" putting financial liability on the tenants if an infestation occurred if tenants had not had their belongings professionally inspected. I HAD had my belongings professionally inspected and heat treated just in case and had documents to prove it. As I said housing is hard to come by here, and this place seemed so perfect, so I took a risk and signed it. How much bad luck could one person have? Right?

    I just can't get the bugs out of my head. I've been living here for seven months with no issues. But now, in the middle of mosquito season, I'm getting bites. I work outside every day so I know everyone will say this is not evidence but no one understands what I've been through and what I have to lose. I don't know if they're mosquito bites or not. I've torn apart my room. Found no bed bugs. No casings. No fecal stains. But I just can't shake the feeling that something's not right. Every time I get a new bite I feel my stomach churn. I'm afraid to sleep. I try to wear as many clothes as possible to bed even though it's summer here. I've been vacuuming every day and I even bagged up all my clothes and put them through the laundry just to be safe. No one understands. No one believes me. I feel like my life is a psychological horror movie. I fell like I've been cursed. My boyfriend and parents say that it's so unlikely that it would happen to me again. But it's NOT unlikely. It's already happened to me THREE TIMES, each situation unrelated to the previous.

    Today I took out some garbage and saw that someone had thrown out some pillows and blankets as well as a mattress next to the dumpster. There were some black spots randomly on the mattress but I couldn't tell if it was just dirt from sitting outside in the rain or not. It was a shabby old mattress. Maybe they were just throwing it away? My boyfriend says there's no way to even know that those things were from my building, since the dumpster isn't locked.

    I want to believe that everything's ok. I really do. But after being let down and crushed so many times I feel like I'm talking myself into being naive. I feel like they're always going to find me. I know how crazy that sounds.

    I don't know what to do anymore. No one understands. Even when I'm not living with an infestation, my mind is infested. I can't tell if I'm being delusional or being proactive. I don't think I can cope with this a fourth time, financially or psychologically. I know it's pathetic but I keep asking myself "why me? What did I do?"

    I guess I'm posting on here because no one in my life understands what I'm going through and I feel so alone. I hope someone here will get it.

  2. Mf1616

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    Posted 1 year ago
    Sun Jul 1 2018 22:41:29
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    I feel like I could have written this. I know exactly what you’re going through. No one else I know understands...

    My advice: get some packtite passive monitors and Cimexa dust or DE.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    For the record, I am NOT an expert.
    My advice/opinion comes from past experience(s) with bed bugs and what I have read on-line.
  3. Bugsareicky

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    Posted 1 year ago
    Tue Jul 3 2018 13:37:22
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    I can definitely relate. I've only had to deal with those little demons once, but mosquito season is getting to me badly. We got rid of the bugs, and most of our stuff just in case, and we moved. We treated EVERY item we brought with us, and got rid of every piece of furniture. We moved into a new place....and mosquito season hit. My bites looked like mosquito bites...so now I just can't tell if we succeeded or not. I've encased the new beds and box springs, and check the new beds daily, no signs...but I still can't shake the anxiety. I smoke outdoors and the mosquitoes are terrible here...so I'm definitely being bit by those daily. I don't think I'd know it if a bedbug did bite me, which is what really freaks me out. I'm in a 100 unit building and don't want to give the landlord a heart attack by having my unit inspected. So now I just play this awful waiting game... I don't like this game. lol

  4. BugBreakdown

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    Posted 1 year ago
    Tue Jul 3 2018 20:46:18
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    Mf1616 - 1 day ago  » 
    I feel like I could have written this. I know exactly what you’re going through. No one else I know understands...
    My advice: get some packtite passive monitors and Cimexa dust or DE.
    I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    I have applied DE. I was hoping to never have to see that stuff again. But here we are. Thanks for your reply.

  5. BugBreakdown

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    Posted 1 year ago
    Tue Jul 3 2018 20:54:20
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    Bugsareicky - 7 hours ago  » 
    I can definitely relate. I've only had to deal with those little demons once, but mosquito season is getting to me badly. We got rid of the bugs, and most of our stuff just in case, and we moved. We treated EVERY item we brought with us, and got rid of every piece of furniture. We moved into a new place....and mosquito season hit. My bites looked like mosquito bites...so now I just can't tell if we succeeded or not. I've encased the new beds and box springs, and check the new beds daily, no signs...but I still can't shake the anxiety. I smoke outdoors and the mosquitoes are terrible here...so I'm definitely being bit by those daily. I don't think I'd know it if a bedbug did bite me, which is what really freaks me out. I'm in a 100 unit building and don't want to give the landlord a heart attack by having my unit inspected. So now I just play this awful waiting game... I don't like this game. lol

    Thanks for your reply. I have always laughed at anyone who was terrified of bugs... joke's on me. I knew that bedbugs were never something to be desired, but I had no idea how ruinous they could be until living through it. Even when you're free, they still have a hold on you. Mosquito season is very difficult emotionally. Even when I literally see the mosquito bite me, I still freak out when the well appears later.

    It's hard for others to understand because they don't know the time, patience, disappointment, anxiety, grueling hard work, and financial toll that fighting or escaping these creatures takes. And all of that can be undone by the smallest of mistakes. Sometimes you can do everything right and still end up right where you started. It's so hard.

    Thinking of you and hoping that we are both stressing ourselves out for nothing.

  6. HugginBuggin

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    Posted 1 year ago
    Wed Jul 4 2018 10:26:39
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    Oh my gosh, you are not insane. I so understand and sympathize.

    I fought those little shites 8 years ago in a terrible apartment we lived in. Been bedbug free for 8 years. I just posted about the panic I'm going through because we stayed in a hotel 3 weeks ago and confirmed bedbugs (bites and a live insect) and went bonkers making sure we didn't bring them home. Insane extreme measures. 3 weeks later, I've been waking up with a single bite every day (though they don't look or act like bed bug bites, more mosquito) and I'm trying not to panic. I have diagnosed PTSD from the previous battle and I don't want to go there again. Getting in a K9 doggie ASAP just for peace of mind or to tackle this head on if we have an infestation. I spent a good half hours bawling my head off this morning and going, "Not again not again not again!!!!!"

    Getting mad and proactive is what helped me beat the bugs before. It's ok to be proactive. Unless someone's lived through this nightmare, they have NO IDEA how traumatizing it could be and screw what they think of you. Be proactive. Get yourself some interceptors for your bed. Encase your mattress and boxsprings if you haven't done so already. Get a passive monitor if you want. You will have done everything you can to keep a watch out for them and you can have some peace of mind and breath easy just knowing they're there. I recommend that if you live in an apartment because it's way too easy to get them from your neighbors. I live in a house, so it's a different story here.

    We are all in this battle together. Those little shites are psychological terrors and we need other people who understand in order to get better. PM me if you need to.


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