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My Last Proverbial Straw.. I AM DONE!

(7 posts)
  1. EndOfMyRope

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    Posted 8 years ago
    Sat Oct 1 2011 14:42:08
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    Hi Friends,

    Well, as the title suggests, I have reached my last proverbial straw. I had already been really struggling with the day to day crap of vacuuming, running clothes and bedding through the dryer every time I wanted to use or wear something. I am on my third air mattress, and that started leaking air somewhere a few days ago, which left my back screaming in pain and spasms ( I have a degenerative disease in my spine and have 3 levels fused) between the pain and the bugs, I am getting NO sleep. Ive been so beyond exhausted, I cant even call what Im doing functioning .. Its more like being numb and having auto pilot kick in. Im still taking precautionary measures to leave the house with my clothes and such, but I havent been able to even force myself to deal with much else (bedding, vacuuming etc) the last few days. Not.good, I know, but given itll likely be at least a couple of months before the slumlord who cashes my check every month is held accountable and ordered to take care of this mess, I honestly cant see the point in going to all the trouble. It never does any good anyway. When I do treat the bedding, and literally pass out from exhaustion, its only to wake up two hours later to kill one on my arm, or my back, or walking right in front of my face. I cant stop asking myself "WTF is the point??" The last couple of weeks have gotten increasingly tough..

    Then today, I hit my limit .. When I left the bank, the "low coolant" light came on in my car.. Ok, I thought, get the manual, see what I need. Very carefully drove to go get it.. Well, it took longer to cool the engine than I thought..no biggie, Im down the street from my next destination, Ill leave it to cool, walk where Im going, do what I need to do, and walk back and take care of it. Long story short, it wasnt that simple. The coolant gushed out faster than it went in. No idea whats wrong with it, but its being towed to my mechanics garage as we speak (like I have the $$ for any of this!) So, I now have no car..no clue if it can even be fixed, and I sure as heck dont want to think about what this is going to cost me. I had made commitments to several people, and I just had to back out last minute on everyone, which I despise doing. I take commitments I make very seriously, and ive now left 2 friends pretty jammed up. Nobody's mad, but still.. Now Im stranded here with these damn bugs.. Waiting for my lazy good for nothing slumlord to come get his rent. *spits nails* I cant even take a nap because I dont trust the rotten SOB to leave me a receipt!!

    I cant take anymore. More than ever, it feels like this will never end. I cant even see commercials on tv for bedroom furniture without wanting to break down. What used to be normal feels so completely unattainable. I havent spent a night with my daughter in almost four MONTHS.. her reactions to bites are so violent, she cant come here..

    Ugh..thanks for letting me rant, guys.. Sorry to take up space, I just needed to get this out before I really pop..

  2. theyareoutthere

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    Posted 8 years ago
    Sat Oct 1 2011 14:52:14
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    End of My Rope,

    I can see why you are almost at the end of your rope. Of course, your friends aren't mad. Your car broke down! Real friends would understand how stressful this is, and it sounds like you have real friends.

    How far away is your daughter? Can you meet at an open air coffee shop? No need to answer: others will have better ideas.

    Hang in there. You are sleep deprived and in pain. You have every right to be at the end of your rope and vent!

    TAOT

    They
    Are
    Out
    There
    = TAOT
  3. EndOfMyRope

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    Posted 8 years ago
    Sat Oct 1 2011 16:42:07
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    TAOT,

    Thank you .. Yes, these are real friends, and I know they understand.. These commitments were going to put some extra cash in my pocket, which under the circumstances, just makes it worse. My daughter is at dad's, nearly 45 mins away.. I do appreciate the idea though.. I just.HAVE to hope her dad can somehow save my car. I miss her so much it physically hurts. I have seen her, but only briefly. We share a passion, which we're able to enjoy together at least twice a week.

    I think the slumlord was here for the rent..he makes a point to come during evening meal time.. I sacrificed a nap to wait for the &$@#%:!&##@ and he never knocked on my door. I cant say Im surprised, as I had a feeling while at the bank getting the money order he wasnt going to show up here.. Hence why I didnt fill it out .. Hes probably going to try another non payment eviction. Ugh.. Im goin to bed.. Thanks again for listening.. I really do appreciate it

  4. Koebner

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    Posted 8 years ago
    Mon Oct 3 2011 6:03:44
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    This is a bad experience, not a life sentence. For you it must be especially hard because you are a parent, so you have all the extra pressure of responsibiliy for your kids, but I promise; your situation can and will improve.

    I suffer from a chronic illness and doing all the BB prep and precautions ground me down, mentally, physically and financially. My landlords were abominably ill-informed and I also wound up with all the reponsibility of getting neighbours` homes treated, all of whom had different landlords and different tenancy agreements with different legal implications.

    Sometimes I just wanted it all to stop, didn`t know or care how.

    The only thing I can say to you is do everything you can to remain as calm as you can. You`re getting legal help with your landlord and your fellow tenants will also soon be agitating for effective treatment that includes your home - as we all know, leaving a unit infested can only mean ongoing problems for the other occupants of the building.

    Every day you continue to suffer is a day too long but it is also a day closer to the resolution of your problems.

    Read the success stories threads.

  5. EndOfMyRope

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    Posted 8 years ago
    Mon Oct 3 2011 6:35:28
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    Hi Koebner,

    thank you for kind words and encouragement.. I appreciate it.. I completely understand what you mean by just wanting it all to stop, and not caring how. I cant tell you how many times Ive fallen apart in my therapist's office saying exactly those words. I am so sick of this..sleeping on the floor, my son sleeping on the floor, knowing every time I say good night to my boy, he will be attacked by these hideous monsters and fed on - if there were a way to make them only come after me, Id do it in a heartbeat. Ive not spent a night with my daughter since late June as her reaction to bites is so severe, she cant be here at all. I am so sick of not sleeping, Im sick of ziploc bags and plastic bins and running the dryer all the time. Im sick of all the crap and games from my ignorant abusive slumlord ..what Id give for him to be forced to spend some time living in this hell hole! Im just sick of it.. All of it! I know it cant possibly go on forever, but its so hard to remember that sometimes. It really is.. I was forced to get rid of so much of what little I had..makes me crazy think about it all..some of it not only wasnt affected, it wasnt even in rooms that were affected! LL said "toss it or Ill evict you!" "do this or Ill evict you!" I complied.. I used to dream about getting to the end of this and getting a new bed. Now, its one of my biggest fears.. Getting a bed.. How twisted is that??

    I also suffer from a physical disability, and the prep for this damn near put me in the hospital. To have gone through all that for the slumlord to refuse to treat my apt just infuriates me beyond words. Hes is truly inhuman..

    Again, thank you so much for writing.. I honestly dont know what Id do without you guys.. I so hope your nightmare ends soon, and you can return to blissful peaceful sleep, and enjoying life again. Be well

  6. Valkyrie

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    Posted 8 years ago
    Sat Oct 8 2011 3:24:21
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    Sometimes my only solace is reminding myself that people have overcome worse things. This is like water torture. Chipping away at us slowly. Telling myself that people have survived so much worse seems to keep me grounded in a way. This is still so damaging, so painful, but remembering the things others have made it to the other side of gives me hope that I, we, will make it out of this. Maybe less encumbered by things and with shaken, exhausted minds and bodies (to say the least) but we will survive this.

    I have to force myself everyday to be thankful for the things I do have. That seems to help a bit.
    I like Koebner's advice too:

    "Every day you continue to suffer is a day too long but it is also a day closer to the resolution of your problems.

    Read the success stories threads. "

    Someday we will be writing success stories of our own. Take care, Friend. *web hugs*

  7. paranoid in mo

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    Posted 8 years ago
    Sat Oct 8 2011 11:48:44
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    It broke my heart to read your post. I am so sorry you are going through this. I just want to say hang on. It has to get better. HUGS


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