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Mentally spent

(5 posts)
  1. secondguessing

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    Posted 2 years ago
    Sat Jun 3 2017 7:52:39
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    Well, 3 days away from the 2nd treatment. No signs of live bb, no bites in 6 days (6 days after first treatment). I'm pretty sure I got that bite on the couch so I took the cushions to the laundromat the next day.

    The stress that this has caused me is astonishing. Since this madness began a mere 20 days ago, I am covered in bruises (from moving furniture), I sleep with the light on (for a whopping 5hrs or so a night), I am wildly paranoid and afraid of... everything and a mild tendency towards OCD behaviour has blossomed into frequent hand washing, double and triple bagging things and disinfecting odd objects like scissors and a screwdriver repeatedly (washed with soap, doused with boiling water, sprayed with alcohol) because they came into contact with fabric.

    I have broken down crying multiple times, taken over a week off work, had to go to my doctor for anti-anxiety medication and have been to a therapist where I mostly cry hysterically about how I'll never feel safe again.

    I have actually kept away from this site for the last week or so because it was doing more to fuel my fear than quell it (no disrespect to the site, just the way I was using it).

    Anyway, I allowed myself some time this morning to look for answers to a few questions (those questions only, nothing else!) and I thought I would post this to commiserate with anyone else who has been driven 'round the bend because of these little bastards. Because no one else gets it. Your friends and family can be sympathetic but if they've never experienced it they have no freakin' clue. None.

    I am actually doing better now than a week ago but I'm far from out of the woods. I look forward to the day I can look back at this as that awful thing that happened once.

  2. BbsTO

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    Posted 2 years ago
    Sat Jun 3 2017 8:16:42
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    Totally get it!! Unless you've been there, you can never really understand. it helps to know there are other ppl who ACTUALLY appreciate the stress you've been under. It does get better!

  3. Alleyanne

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    Posted 2 years ago
    Sat Jun 3 2017 22:46:16
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    This site can be overwhelming because people want to share their horror stories or they think they are an expert which my pco told me that they are gaining new information everyday about bbs. Also people have different levels of cluttter and care so they will be more likely to not have them killed fully.
    I know what your going through. I found myself sleeping with the light on getting cut on broken glass and accidentally throwing important documents away because I was in such a pants to clean every space. I found myself taking a lot of xanax and crying to everyone that I would never be able to manage again. I triggered my depression because this is the second time in 14 months I am dealing with an infestation of creatures ( the first time was not bbs) I eventually had to tell my boss because I needed two extra days to clear bedrooms and closets. I threw away 100 bags of garbage. I didn't even want to sit anywhere because I was afraid of getting more or spreading them to someone else. It is going to get easier and also I plan to make life changes to minimize my chances of getting them again. I still wonder everyday as to where they came from. But have learned that there is no way of knowing. Stay strong it is going to get better and your life will be normal again. Try to remember the times of when you didn't have them and realize that eventually you will be back to that mindset.

  4. secondguessing

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    Posted 2 years ago
    Sun Jun 4 2017 2:48:39
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    Thanks for the feedback. It really is helpful to know other people understand.

  5. Sunnydaz

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    Posted 2 years ago
    Sun Jun 4 2017 8:14:21
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    You're not alone. It fells like a living hell. I look forward to e day it will be a distant memory but I'm sure I will never feel completely comfortable again.


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