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how to deal with a partner who has a raging bedbug infestation

(19 posts)
  1. aralcclara

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 0:46:32
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    hi guys! hoping for some advice here.

    My partner has a raging bedbug infestation in his house and i noticed that its getting pretty bad as he brought them via a paperbag, in the afternoon. Three or more bedbugs were happily sitting in it waiting to unload at my place, luckily i saw them before they scuttled off. His house has a pretty bad infestation which has spread to 2 rooms and has been there for about 1-2 years, and ongoing.

    To add on to my worries, I have a 4 month old baby (me and him are separated for now), and I'm worried that he might bring one of these nasty critters back and they will be successful in hiding and taking over my house which i do not want at all. Is it possible that the bedbugs are able to crawl from his bag into my bag even if we are meeting outside? Very very anxious. If so, do i hold off meeting him until he gets the bedbugs exterminated from his place?

    Thanks in advance for any sort of advice, i'm a worried mess.

  2. FayeState

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 1:30:41
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    I am sorry you have to deal with this. Is he trying to get rid of the infestation? Is it his house? If he's renting, is his landlord responsible? I hope he takes care of it.

  3. aralcclara

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 3:17:10
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    He isn't too keen on getting them checked out and it has been causing us to argue as of late.He is living with his parents and siblings who do not seem to mind it at all, which kind of creeps me out a little bearing in mind that these things just multiply like crazy over time. I'm quite certain one of them made its way from his clothes/bag into my bed because i got bitten and found stains on my mattress one day after he was at my place. I searched my entire room to find just one squashed bug, and no other traces of fecal matter. Hopefully that is all. His family came for a visit as well and dropped off 2 fully fed bedbugs on my couch. Got so worried one of them might have managed to hide within the pillows i decided to throw it out after checking the seams a thousand times..

    How bad will the infestation level be for them to actually crawl into a paper bag to hide and onto clothes like that? Is it possible that their are eggs on his belongings as well? * nervous * And how do i go about meeting him without bringing back yet another one of them..

  4. FayeState

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 4:05:52
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    Can you some how persuade your boyfriend to care about the situation? Does he care that he can't go over your house any more? Does he care that you're upset? How long ago did these incidents happen at your place? I hope you can get him to deal with his infestation and that you're in the clear.

  5. tripturnedintoanightmare

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 5:15:24
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    You shouldn't see him if he doesn't take care of the problem. You should have your place (and his place) treated. You have a baby to protect, you don't want him eaten alive by this pest.

  6. aralcclara

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 5:15:47
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    It caused an argument with his family, apparently they are non re-actors to bites so they have been living with bb's all this while and don't plan to do anything about it. I think its getting worse though but its frustrating that nothing is being done. Is there any article i can show to them to convince them or do i just let nature take its course? I can imagine its getting quite bad..

    These incidents just occurred last week, and yea still trying to persuade him to get it done and he doesn't understand why i'm so obsessed about it and so upset.

  7. aralcclara

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 5:17:16
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    yes i'm thinking about calling in treatment for my house even after cleaning it like mad, can't rest in peace till i get the clearance.

  8. FayeState

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 10:44:11
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    You can have your boyfriend look at websites, such as this one or you can do searches on Google on bed bug infestations. I imagine if it is a year or two there is a big infestation by now. You said two rooms - how do you know is only two rooms? Is one of the rooms his? Ask the experts here, maybe on a separate post, if you should have an inspection, monitor, or what. Good luck.

  9. aralcclara

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 14:34:36
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    According to him, there's a couch in the living room which is the main source of activity, and then it spread to his parents room followed by his room. That's three hotspots. Yep one of the room is his unfortunately. Will ask more questions on a separate post, thank you!

  10. BigDummy

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 14:57:47
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    After two years I can't imagine a spot in the house without bed bugs. Transfer is certainly possible at that level of infestation.

  11. Mf1616

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 14:58:02
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    Yuck. I wouldn’t let him anywhere near your house if he does in fact have bed bugs. Are you sure they’re bed bugs though? I can’t see three of them just hanging out in a paper bag, unless the paper bag was very close to his bed or on the infested couch. I guess anything is possible though...especially if he has let it go on for years without doing anything about it. Can you upload a pic of the dead one(s) for a proper ID?

    For the record, I am NOT an expert.
    My advice/opinion comes from past experience(s) with bed bugs and what I have read on-line.
  12. aralcclara

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 15:18:24
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    Oh dear... how long do you reckon it will take to totally get rid of them? They were definitely bedbugs, well fed ones which bled when squished, and had all the traits of a bedbug * shudders* unfortunately I didn’t keep their bodies for I/D. Yep the paper bag was on his bed before he left his house, so they probably just hid out inside there.

    Should have been on alert ever since he mentioned about bedbugs in his house 2 years ago to me, never expected them to just take over his house slowly and be transferable via his clothes/bag

  13. aralcclara

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 15:39:47
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    What is more astonishing is that his mom isn’t keen on throwing the infested couch out and wants to keep it, DOES THIS MEAN IM STUCK WITH THEM FOREVER!?!! Unless I end the relationship with him, but its unfortunate to end a relationship because of bedbugs.

  14. loubugs

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Fri Mar 9 2018 15:46:35
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    aralcclara - 6 minutes ago  » 
    What is more astonishing is that his mom isn’t keen on throwing the infested couch out and wants to keep it, DOES THIS MEAN IM STUCK WITH THEM FOREVER!?!! Unless I end the relationship with him, but its unfortunate to end a relationship because of bedbugs.

    If they don't do anything about control, you are stuck with them forever.

    Professional entomologist/arachnologist. I consult on all matters dealing with insects and arachnids, including those of natural history and biology to pest management and forensic entomology investigations.
  15. Mf1616

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Sat Mar 10 2018 10:59:54
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    Yes, it would be a shame to end a relationship over bed bugs (especially if you have a child together). However, I, personally, would do whatever I needed to do in order to keep the bugs out of my house.

    Does your boyfriend’s family live in a house or rented apartment? Do you think they aren’t doing anything about it because they can’t afford treatment?

    Might just need to give him an ultimatum and walk away if he refuses to do anything about it.

    Sorry you’re in this position. It sucks. I feel for you... last thing you need is this added stress when you’re taking care of a newborn.

  16. Winston O. Buggy

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Sat Mar 10 2018 14:46:13
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    Given the conditions in your "partners" living environment it is naive to think you can avoid an introduction on an on going basis. I am an entomologist and not a social worker (although my ex wife was an MCSW, so we see how well that worked out) but I do imagine there are a number of issues at play and bed bugs, just the most overt one. Good luck.

  17. mp7ski

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Tue Mar 13 2018 10:45:17
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    From the sounds of it you have already found fecal and a squished bed bug in your home if I read that right? If that's the case, then you probably already have a problem in your home and you should address it as soon as possible. I would take precautions with your partner and if the problem is not willing to be addressed at their location, ending the relationship may be the only way to avoid constant transference. It would be real sad to end a relationship because of bed bugs but you also have to do what's best for you and your family.

    I am not an expert, any advice I give should be considered as amateur advice and not taken as fact. I mean well with all my posts and try to give back. If you plan on using any of my advice, I suggest doing research into said advice to make sure it is in your best interest.
    Study on Thermal Death Points(pages 18-29 of pdf) : http://www.propanecouncil.org/uploadedFiles/Council/Research_and_Development/REP_12221%20Efficacy%20of%20Heat%20on%20Bed%20Bugs.pdf
    Study on Cimexa: http://www.pctonline.com/article/pct0814-silica-gel-research-bed-bugs/
  18. aralcclara

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Wed Mar 14 2018 10:32:54
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    They are living in a house, and they can afford treatment very well (family goes on holidays and stuff but can't afford bedbug treatment, go figure). I've already treated my house and so far nothing has showed up, no bites too. So I'm hoping that its all good.

    ALSO UPDATE, i thought they were getting treatment because they had a PCO inspect their house and tell them to throw away all their stuff. BUT TO MY DISMAY AND HORROR, THEY CALLED THE TREATMENT OFF. And decided to buy their own steamer instead and keep their stuff, AND THEY ARE STILL SLEEPING AND LETTING THESE CREATURES FROM HELD BREED, HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE NOT SEE THE URGENCY OF THE SITUATION. They just assume that the bedbugs will be gone once they steam their bed linens ( AND THEY DON'T EVEN WANT TO WASH THEM IN BOILING HOT WATER).

    I've already banned them from entering my house, and from the looks of it the relationship is going to end because of their ignorance.

    On a side note, are bedbugs transferable if i meet the father outside of house? and how do i prevent it? I still have to meet up with him to settle admin stuff pertaining to our child and i can't just avoid him like the plague..

    Thanks guys, and thanks for hearing out my bedbug problems.

  19. aralcclara

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    Posted 9 months ago
    Wed Mar 14 2018 16:24:55
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    They are living in a house, and they can afford treatment very well (family goes on holidays and stuff but can't afford bedbug treatment, go figure). I've already treated my house and so far nothing has showed up, no bites too. So I'm hoping that its all good.

    ALSO UPDATE, i thought they were getting treatment because they had a PCO inspect their house and tell them to throw away all their stuff. BUT TO MY DISMAY AND HORROR, THEY CALLED THE TREATMENT OFF. And decided to buy their own steamer instead and keep their stuff, AND THEY ARE STILL SLEEPING AND LETTING THESE CREATURES FROM HELL BREED, HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE NOT SEE THE URGENCY OF THE SITUATION. They just assume that the bedbugs will be gone once they steam their bed linens ( AND THEY DON'T EVEN WANT TO WASH THEM IN BOILING HOT WATER).

    I've already banned them from entering my house, and from the looks of it the relationship is going to end because of their ignorance.

    On a side note, are bedbugs transferable if i meet the father outside of house? and how do i prevent it? I still have to meet up with him to settle admin stuff pertaining to our child and i can't just avoid him like the plague..

    Thanks guys, and thanks for hearing out my bedbug problems.


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