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A silly look at my bedbug encounters (because it amuses me :P)

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  1. Callisto

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sat Oct 9 2010 19:56:04
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    Hi All,

    Whilst procrastinating from marking this afternoon, I decided to write up a silly outline of my encounters with live and dead bedbugs since this started. I found it rather cathartic actually. Feel free to post your own versions of such events :). Most of this happened 2-3 months ago

    Evening after finding suspicious bites on my arm, two weeks after I had moved into my apartment:
    Me: "Doop doop doop, I'll just check my bed to ease my paranoia. It's probably not bedbugs." *lift covers*
    Dark spot: "Oh hello, I wasn't here before."
    Me: "Crap. That pretty much confirms it." *flips over pillow*
    Dead Nymph/Cast skin: "Oh HAI! I'm only your worst fears confirmed >:3"
    Me: *BAWL*

    Later (attempting to sleep in bed):
    Me: *flashlight*
    Hungry Bedbug Nymphs: "Don't mind us, OM NOM NOM"
    Me: *SHRIEK!!* *capture in glass as proof* *BAWL*

    Later yet (sick to my stomach):
    Me: "I'll try settling my stomach by drinking some lemonade"
    Adult Bedbug on Hand Holding Pitcher: "Don't mind me. Just chillin'."
    Me: *SHRIEK* *Frantic hand-waving dance that fails to dislodge it* *Scrape into containment glass* *BAWL*

    Even later:
    Me: "Yeah, not even going to bother to sleep. Better not move to futon though."
    *Curls up on top of comforter with the lights on, reading "Tales of the Red Panda: The Crime Cabal" (shameless plug for awesome audio drama)*
    Eventually:
    Me: *wakes up from doze*
    Hungry Nymph: "Must . . . get . . . to . . . delicious . . . food source!"
    Me: *KILL* *hyperventilate* *return to reading*

    Next day, after news that I only had 24 hours to prep before the PCO came, with helpful Male and Female Parental Units assisting:
    Male Parental Unit (MPU): *Looking on floor in bedroom* "Hey, what's that?"
    Dead Bedbug: *is dead*
    Me: "That would be a bedbug." *Hyperventilate*

    Later:
    MPU: "Look at this crud on the wall." http://i.imgur.com/xjMxN.jpg
    Me: "OMG that's where the bastards are hiding. This was where that family was sleeping with their mattresses on the floor! THIS IS TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT!!!!"
    (I had purchased a table and upholstered stool from a used furniture store, I'm not doing it again; they also sold MATTRESSES)

    Morning of Treatment:
    Me: "Ok, strip bed and wash sheets . . . " *dump in wash*
    Bedbug on Duvet Cover: "BLARG!"
    Me: "EGAD!" *Slam lid, run on hot, flee*
    Later, removing from dryer:
    Bedbug on Duvet Cover: *Falls on floor quite dead*
    Me: "Huzzah!!"

    A week or so after treatment:
    Female Parental Unit: *Vacuuming around futon*
    Addled bedbug: *Fall onto floor*
    FPU: "Hey Callisto, I found one!"
    Me: "EGAD"
    Addled Bedbug: "DERP"
    Us: *stare*
    Me: "Let's drown the bastard!"
    Addled Bedbug: *is drowned*

    A week later:
    FPU: *Vacuuming closet*
    *Something that may or may not be a dead bedbug is dislodged*
    FPU: "Oh dear, better stop vacuuming to examine."
    Vacuum: *SLURP*
    FPU: "I think I just sucked up a dead one!"
    Me: "Crap." *Examines bag with flashlight* "Can't find anything . . . well, we want em' dead anyway."

    A week later:
    MPU assists me getting my first boxes of books out of storage in a semi-trailer so I can put desiccant in them. OUTSIDE, mind you.
    MPU: "Oh, look, there's one on the lid. Must've come from that wicker trunk that you sealed in two contractor bags and taped the hell out of."
    Me: "AUGH! KILL IT! What're you going to do about the trailer?!"
    MPU: "Eh, I'll just nuke it eventually. It's pretty hot in there and it'll get into full deep freeze in the winter. We should get ErstwhileEmployee out here to show him."
    MPU, FPU, EE: *stare*
    Bedbug (flat on its back): "Blergh"
    Me: "Not going anywhere near that thing. Just kill it."
    FPU: *STOMP* "Oops, looks like it got away."
    Me: "GAAAAAAH!"
    Bedbug: "Fufufufufufu!! I have escaped!"

    Two weeks later:
    Awesome Cousin (AC): "Hey, I'm coming in to visit."
    Me: "Oh, god, I want company so bad, but you really shouldn't come . . . but I haven't had any signs for two weeks . . . but you really shouldn't come . . . well, maybe if we're careful . . . "
    AC: "Seriously, I was more likely to have picked them up when I stayed with you when you moved in."
    *Awesome hangouts are had*

    Morning of the day she's leaving:
    Bedbug in Futon Climb Up: "Curses! I am foiled!"
    Me (with flashlight): "OMFG it's a bedbug!"
    Bedbug in Futon Climb Up: "OMFG it's a light! Running, running, running!" *doesn't go anywhere*
    Me: *Dump bug into glass over toilet* *DROWN IN 99% ISOPROPYL* *BAWL*
    AC: "It's fine, loan me some clothes, we'll wash all my stuff and I'll heat up my computer."
    Me: *BAWL*

    For some reason, it amuses me a great deal to imagine the bugs as Snidley Whiplash type villains with elaborately waxed mustachios . . .

  2. nycyn

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sat Oct 9 2010 20:02:40
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    I am responding because when I do prose self-therapy nobody responds.

  3. controlfreak

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sat Oct 9 2010 20:05:33
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    All day today i am walking around not sure where to sit... You know what if there in the sofa, i can't really lay on the bed... If they are there it is not their feeding time yet etc... I was on the verge of going crazier then usual and this made me laugh... Sorry for all the encounters :-(. I hope they will go away soon and this will stay as a well told tale to be shared with new bites :).

  4. Jenn28

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sat Oct 9 2010 20:20:17
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    [quote] Me: "I'll try settling my stomach by drinking some lemonade"
    Adult Bedbug on Hand Holding Pitcher: "Don't mind me. Just chillin'." Me: *SHRIEK* *Frantic hand-waving dance that fails to dislodge it* *Scrape into containment glass* *BAWL*

    Don't mind me. Just chillin' LOL!!! I'm sure it wasn 't funny back then, but it is now! I can see you doing your "yuck, get off of me" dance around the house! Here's you dancing around with one on you and me? I used to creep into my bedroom slowly like someone was going to jump out and attack me. I was a nutcase. Man we've come along way!!!!

  5. bushbugg

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sat Oct 9 2010 20:28:20
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    very funny. would read more!

  6. SearchandDestroy

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sat Oct 9 2010 20:36:11
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    OMG! It was on your hand...ugh..Love the me: *BAWL.*

    I'm glad you're laughing now!! Thanks for sharing your encounters..I especially related to the first "evidence.." oh yeah, when you find that cast skin on your mattress, your heart sinks to the ground. Worst fear, confirmed. Like thieves in the night they are!

  7. The Reluctant Entomologist

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sat Oct 9 2010 20:37:29
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    Love it.! (This is the whole reason I started a blog. Simultaneous laughter and crying are the only way to survive this crap).

    My favorite things about this are 1) the Shakespearean way that even the dark spot talks and 2) "OM NOM NOM." Ha!

  8. Callisto

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sat Oct 9 2010 20:52:42
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    Thanks for your kind responses everyone! I haven't had any encounters for at least a month *knock on wood*, but I'm still cautious. It helps that my wacko sense of humour has returned :D. It allows me to concentrate on SCIENCE!! instead of the constant "OMG I have bedbugs I must destroy them what if they're in my stuff GAAAA!" response of the early days

  9. DeedleBeetle

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sun Oct 10 2010 7:53:50
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    i like the "doop, doop, doop" part...just sort of clomping and padding around the joint in blissful ignorance... hillarious...love it!

    and i just hated the photograph....jeepers...i got the willies looking at that..i hated it so much that i looked at it for a good 3 minutes....3 minutes is a long time....i couldn't move away from it. Horrible!

    thank goodness you haven't seen any bugs recently. Did you pull up all that stuff the bbs were hiding behind???

  10. kannon_bosatsu

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Sun Oct 10 2010 21:59:48
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    Dead Bedbug: *is dead*

    Now that is my favorite part. Just the way all bedbugs should be...

    Thanks for sharing! This was really funnya nd let me know that there is hope after bedbugs.

    L in Brooklyn

  11. Callisto

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Mon Oct 11 2010 20:30:18
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    @Deedle That was the first thing I pointed out to the PCO when he came to treat. He actually ripped them out, that picture is of me holding them back up. I posted both pictures in the "Post Hiding spots" thread. Management has since glued them back down, not very well, once again making them prime bedbug real estate . If that picture horrified you, you REALLY don't want to look at what was under there.

    I'm keeping my outlook of chipper optimism, but I may have found the very tiniest of tiny bloodspots on my sheets this morning (in light of Toledo's recent finds, I thought it would be a good idea to look REALLY closely). I'll keep my eyes open and harangue management about it :P.

    If they are still there, I WILL DESTROY THEM!!!

  12. scaredsilly

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    Posted 9 years ago
    Mon Oct 11 2010 21:01:37
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    I love the laughs. Thanks for sharing. It is great to hear optimism from one on the other side of the mountain . And NYCN please don't think that your prose is not appreciated also! Any laugh is of tremendous value these days.


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