Got any bed bug jokes?

by nobugsonme on November 2, 2006 · 13 comments

in bed bugs, humor

Bed bug humor?

Come on folks, add yours here: a little comic relief.

Ken, I know I can count on you.

Everyone, if nothing else, give us a “You might be a Bedbugger if…”

1 nobugsonme November 2, 2006 at 4:20 am

I’ll start with my contribution to Bed Bug Humor (perhaos not technically a joke; let’s call it “found humor”):

I find it enormously funny that the XL ziplocs (these are 20″ by 24″ I think) have a warning printed on them: “Not recommended for use in microwave.”

As my friend said, when I told him: “that’s a pretty big muffin.”

2 Dee November 2, 2006 at 3:30 pm

You might be a Bedbugger if… somebody writes to you about a BB (baseball) game, & you wonder when bed bugs learned to play! (Really happened…to me!)

3 Dee November 2, 2006 at 3:36 pm

nobugs… the microwave warning is on the XXL (2′ x 2.7′), too!

4 Dee November 2, 2006 at 3:45 pm

You might be a Bedbugger if… you think BB King is the one you have to kill to overthrow the bed bug world!

I know…GROAN!

5 Bugz in the Hood November 3, 2006 at 9:44 am

And then there were the two married BB victims going to a motel to have an illicit affair, but could not consummate – they stayed up the whole night inspecting the mattress with flashlights.

6 Bugz in the Hood November 3, 2006 at 9:46 am

Best store to purchase mattress covers, risers, etc: Bedbug Bath and Beyond

7 ellie June 6, 2009 at 10:16 am

Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug?

She gave birth in the spring.

8 BronxBugged April 20, 2010 at 3:43 pm

The night after we discovered bedbugs, my cousin was visiting and listening to my lament in disgust while I read her excerpts from ppl’s posts on this site. We thought about the kid that had bed bugs in his cradle and how that would be a trauma later on. She spit this gem on me:
“imagine that kid, whose mom told him ‘nite, son, don’t let the bed bugs bite, love!’; he’d be like “oh good one, fk you, mom!!!!”
it was hysterical.
this is all so awful and hysterical i can’t even wrap my mind around it. i keep wondering about what the lesson is here for all of us, but it may just be that nature will win, every time. except we’re part of nature, but damn, these things are are cruel. this couldn’t have come at a worse time. then again, when the hell would a good time ever be for the arrival of a parasite?

9 nobugsonme April 20, 2010 at 10:04 pm

Hi Bronxbugged,

I am so sorry you’re dealing with this problem.

It’s sobering to realize that except for a brief period from around the end of World War II until about 12-15 years ago, they were always with us. And even more sobering to realize the “Don’t let the bed bugs bite!” admonition was said in the hopes of warding off what must have been for many the inevitable.

The only good news is that new developments are happening all the time and we do have some tools and options that were not there before.

10 BronxBugged April 21, 2010 at 9:21 am

Hi nobugsonme,

thanks so much for replying. I have to admit that i broke down already, last night, at the notion of what this is going to take, and moreover, that i am here alone and actually don’t want anyone coming over. i’ve already allowed myself into doomful thinking–all kinds of ridiculous thoughts; but today i’ve woken up with more bites even though i laundered and dried my linens and slept without sheets. the dog is behaving weird. he probably got bitten all night too. this house is old. wooden. attached. full of cracks and holes and moisture and stuff. i’ve long wanted to live a zen life, except now i don’t even know where to start. and its one of me and thousands of them. i know life can’t be put on hold, but the truth is, i was training for something i made a commitment to, and now don’t evne know if i can bring myself to go into the yoga studio. i would have to assume all clothes are infested. the neighbors don’t seem to be doing anything, which is all the more disturbing, since we know they were the ones to bring it round. i feel insane already and its only the 4th day. how pathetic.

11 yesbugsonme July 10, 2013 at 7:47 pm

You might be a Bedbugger if people freaking out about fleas, cockroaches, or other entry-level pests make you chuckle condescendingly.

You might be a Bedbugger if you feel connected with fellow bed bug survivors like you’ve been to ‘Nam together. Complete with PTSD and everything… (From time to time you still wake up at night, soaked in sweat, screaming “THEY ATTACK AT NIGHT! THEY’RE COMING FOR US!!” But then you remember that you won the war, in spite of heavy casualties.)

12 yesbugsonme July 10, 2013 at 7:50 pm

hahaha, kudos to Bugz in the Hood and ellie – I loved the ones about consummating fail and the spring! xD

13 nobugsonme July 11, 2013 at 1:01 am


Have you visited our user forums yet?

You may also enjoy some of the humor threads on the forum. For example, this one: You know you’re a Bedbugger if…

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