Got Bed Bugs? Bedbugger Forums » Uncategorized
the social trauma of bedbugs
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mangycur
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Posts: 275
Posted 1 year ago
Sat Jan 12 2008 23:39:01
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This is a rant, so if you're not in the mood, now's the time to check out another post.
Is anyone else experiencing this? My friends are distancing themselves from me, and when we do manage to hang out (in public places) they are reticent to hug me goodbye. I just had a gentleman friend abort our date while I was in his car because he started freaking out that I "might" have a bug on me and his car will be infested, and then his apartment. This same gentleman had the nerve to suggest that this has been going on for 4 months, which seemed to him to be a long time, so it must be due to some negligence on my part. I have explained to everyone how careful I am before leaving the house, but rather than put them at ease it seems to be freaking them out all the more. I'm getting ready to move to a different apartment in my same building and the guy who's about to take over my current apartment is calling me up and grilling me about what I'm doing to take care of the problem--and he is trying to tell me what to do. He was even suggesting that he would call the pco for a quicker date and that I should take time off work and crash at a friend's couch in order to do things on his time schedule. (The pco didn't have an earlier time, anyway. Eat that, blowhard.)
I am glad I have this forum. It makes this ordeal less horrid. But face time with existing friends is important too. Meanwhile, my bosses are peeved that I have to take a day off to deal with the pco --and I have, believe it or not, other things going on in my life that require some attention.
Sorry this is so depressing today, but I've had a bit more than I can digest this week.
Stupid f'ing blood sucking bastards.
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Mangycur, I'm so sorry to hear that.People can be jerks most of the time,(that's why I love animals).Don't let it get you down though,if your lucky you'll have a few that you meet up with that aren't.keep them close and to h**l with the rest.You'll get through this and so will I,one day it'll seem like a bad dream.Hope that happens soon for you.Good luck
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mangycur
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Joined: Sep '07
Posts: 275
Posted 1 year ago
Sun Jan 13 2008 8:36:36
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thanks bugbasher!
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I'm sorry, M. That sounds especially awful. I encountered different forms of people "not getting it" but people who will not understand or have their own fears one way or another are just a fact. Personally, I learned to avoid those who might hurt me. But it was equally important to forgive them in the end.
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MangyCur
My heart goes out to you.
Dealing with the bugs is bad enough... The lack of support from others certainly adds insult to the injury. Keep in mind that you are witnessing their emotional reaction to the bed bugs, not you. Try not to take it too personally... Which I realize is a very hard thing to do with people that you consider to be friends. Social ostracism can be a very painful experience.
You don't deserve this...It is not your fault... You are clearly a victim in this situation.
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mangycur
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Joined: Sep '07
Posts: 275
Posted 1 year ago
Sun Jan 13 2008 22:31:44
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Thanks everyone, for your kind words. What's interesting is that I wouldn't have known these friends would behave this way before the bed bugs. And if I were having some other trouble, like a breakup, they wouldn't be distancing themselves. It's all about their own fear. On the bright side, now I am meeting more people in the flesh who have already been through this, and not surprisingly, they're not having the same reaction. They know the score.
So in the end, this is merely an interesting social phenomenon and my life is changing in unexpected ways, with bed bugs being the catylst. Whoda thunk?
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parakeets
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Joined: Mar '07
Posts: 866
Posted 1 year ago
Mon Jan 14 2008 10:04:59
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I had a medical professional who refused to treat me when he saw that I had bedbugs. I still haven't gotten over that.
We are the vanguards of a world where everyone will increasingly be facing bedbugs. Those people who avoid us now may one day come back to us, begging for information that we can share with them.
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I agree with the others--it's important to protect yourself right now and not take it personally--avoid unsupportive people, or try to educate them (if they're good friends).
The date sounds like a take-charge kinda guy, which can be useful or a pain (as in this case). He doesn't get bed bugs, and unfortunately, most people don't unless they do the research themselves.
Many people have relationship troubles over this, and in many cases, this happens between couples in the home. The most common scenario I've witnessed, though not the only one by any means, is a woman who reacts to bites, who lives with a man who doesn't believe they even have bed bugs--since not reacting appears to me to be more common among men. Even when bed bugs are clearly visible, many couples disagree as to what level of precautions to take.
These problems occur between same-sex couples, parents with teens, and roommates, etc., where one or more are reacting and one or more are not. PCOs tell me they witness breakups and we've seen them here too.
I guess what I am trying to say is, there's a lot to be said for having bed bugs when you're single (as long as you are reactive to bites). Ostracism is bad, and should be discouraged. But living with someone who won't cooperate can be near impossible.
I do think many people "get it" in time, and so as 'nomo says, forgiving is important too. We've seen people tell us they had a heck of a time convincing partners, roomies, parents to give a hoot, and they eventually do get it and get on board with everything.
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mangycur
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Posts: 275
Posted 1 year ago
Wed Jan 16 2008 23:32:32
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thanks for putting it all in perspective, everyone.
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buggedinbrooklyn
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Joined: Mar '07
Posts: 120
Posted 1 year ago
Thu Jan 17 2008 9:46:30
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mangycur,
I know that I'm late to this thread, but my heart goes out to you. this is the hardest thing for anyone to go through, and you need good friends to be close, not distant.
but like others have said, even the one's that almost understand, have absolutly no idea what you are going through. they have no idea of the trama, the hard work, the long sleepless nights, and the shame that you might be fealing. forgiveness, like hopelessnomo said is the key to all who simply just don't get it.
as for your boss, tell him that if he don't like that you have to take time off for work, that maybe he should tell the mayor to take this problem with bedbugs a little more seriously...or more of his workers will get the bugs, and others will have to take time off too.
as for your boyfriend, tell him to shape up as you know this single guy from this blog who is cute, likes to travel, has a new car, and is unafraid that you have bedbugs. and if that don't help turn him around, I'm more then willing to lend an ear to bend over a cup of coffee.
above all, keep fighting the good fight. you can get through this in time.
buggedinbrooklyn
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mangycur
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Joined: Sep '07
Posts: 275
Posted 1 year ago
Thu Jan 17 2008 12:26:06
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Buggedinbrook,
this is a brilliant idea. We should start a dating service speficially for the bed bug afflicted. It can be just like nerve but with special questions on the stats pages: "drink? smoke? want kids? willing to relocate? have bed bugs? How long? Number of treatments? Sterifab or Kleenfree? Are you willing to strip naked, seal your clothes in plastic, and take a shower immediately upon enterring host's house to prevent cross-contamination?"
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buggedinbrooklyn
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Joined: Mar '07
Posts: 120
Posted 1 year ago
Thu Jan 17 2008 18:35:26
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mangycur,
quote "Are you willing to strip naked, seal your clothes in plastic, and take a shower immediately upon enterring host's house..."
OMG, that was sooo funny. you made my day. thank you.btw, don't think that I have not thought of a dating service for people who are, or have been effected by bedbugs. I have that strange sence of humor that you seem to also have. but there are a few hang ups or snags that can get in the way.
I also wonder just what type of listings you might find. I'll bet that they will be the funnyest listings in the world.just think...
single white 40yo male, bugfree, no kids, can't dance but willing to learn...
seeking single female, race not a factor. "with or without bugs." must be fun loving, open minded, romantic, likes to sip coffee while watching the waves at the beach. enjoys travel, loves kids, and willing to strip naked, seal your clothes in plastic, and take a shower immediately upon enterring host's house to prevent cross-contamination.ROTFL...that line still makes me laugh so much.
thanks for the giggle mangycur.
btw, you can just call me BIB for short...everyone else does.buggedinbrooklyn
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Mangy_cur,
I have often thought of Bedbugger personals too. Feel free--anyone--to start a thread for your "ad." ;-)
I have also pondered the idea of matching Bedbuggers with pest control professionals. What better way to win someone's heart than getting rid of their bed bug problem?
What better prospects for a love interest in these times than someone who could get rid of your bed bugs AGAIN, should you ever need it?
In return, of course, PCOs without personal experiences of bed bugs at home would gain additional empathy for their customers' plight. And seeing as they probably are too busy during this epidemic to date much (like doctors)...
Are bed bug-savvy PCOs the knights on white horses of 2008?
(I felt like Carrie Bradshaw just then.)
On the other hand, if your knight in shining armor ever brought Mr. Cimex Lectularius home from work, all hell would break loose.
Another anecdote: this other NYC bed bug blogger met his girlfriend and they bonded over the fact that they'd both had bed bugs (and it appears from what he says, still do, to a degree):
http://bedbugsnyc.blogspot.com/2007/01/reflecting-on-2006.html -
mangycur
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Joined: Sep '07
Posts: 275
Posted 1 year ago
Thu Jan 17 2008 20:41:41
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BIB, I am going to riff further on this whimsical concept in a PM to you. If anyone else wants to participate in this joking, PM me. I don't want to take up blogspace with off color jokes when people are looking for useful info.
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mangycur
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Joined: Sep '07
Posts: 275
Posted 1 year ago
Thu Jan 17 2008 20:53:57
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Nobugs, you are cracking me up. Yes let's make a match.com for pcos and their clients! As for the personals ad, I think that would be more fodder for hilarity than love, but you never know! Maybe I'm just getting cynical.
Maybe PCOs are the new sought-after spousal candidates. All dreams of marrying a doctor, lawyer, rockstar, or rugged cowboy are out the window. (Or in the case of the gentlemen on this site, dreams of marrying a supermodel, doctor, lawyer, rockstar, cowgirl or 'girl just like the one that married dear old dad' . . .)
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You know, the ultimate "pull" for bedbuggers would be one of those in-home saunas. Not for whatever-it-is the Scandinavians value them for, no. But for decontaminating your stuff when you come in the door.
This baby gets up to 130 degrees in 20 minutes.
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mangycur
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Joined: Sep '07
Posts: 275
Posted 1 year ago
Thu Jan 17 2008 21:04:18
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ooooooooohhhh . . . *sigh of wistful delight*
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badlybugged
junior member
Joined: Dec '07
Posts: 47
Posted 1 year ago
Thu Jan 17 2008 22:30:37
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SWF seeks SWM for long stays in the laundromat to help heat treat material possissions. Must be pesticide skilled, dog lover (no cost for extra training practice locating bbs), willing to keep odd hours (3:00 - 4:00 am daily). PCO license preferred. Willing to negotiate steamer size for use on large pieces.
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badlybugged,
very nice!
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badlybugged
junior member
Joined: Dec '07
Posts: 47
Posted 1 year ago
Fri Jan 18 2008 13:14:57
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OR, HOW ABOUT:
SWF + bbs seeks PCO with chemicals. Must be available to service nightly, steamer size negotiable. Pooter preferred.
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badlybugged,
You're going to kiss someone who pooters?
Be careful!
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junior member
Joined: Sep '09
Posts: 46
Posted 2 months ago
Sun Sep 6 2009 17:04:10
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I can understand another person's fear and that most are quick to discriminate (see my post about my LL and saying I'd be 'ostracized' if I tell any other tenants in adjoining units). As for the man moving into yer unit after you---I can understand being panicked but I doubt he realizes how stressful this entire ordeal is to YOU and that his stressing and putting pressure on you is making you feel WORSE.
He needs to back the f-up and step the f-down, and realize you're doing everything you bloody well can to ensure proper treatment of the bb's.
As for friends, I've told the two people I see frequently what is going on and I'm lucky that my best friend isn't afraid of them (we actually battled headlice together, go figure, haha) and is the best support system I have. Not everyone is a total a-hole about all of this, know that, and if they haven't dealt with something like lice or fleas prior, they're probably quick to judge about bb's as well.
We're here for you. <3
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I have to say, my friends have been infinitely better about this than I will ever be again. We got bugs because i trusted a friend when he said he was being careful when coming to our place. Except he wasn't. Now when friends have bed bugs, I'm pretty awful when I grill them on what precautions they take, etc. etc., out of fear of getting them again.
That said, while I went through it, I never went to someone's house and would only meet people in public. Friends appreciated this, but often told me I was doing the right things and I was welcome to come to their homes. I think the more discourse there is out there about these things, the friendlier we all will be with each other when it comes up.
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cilecto
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Joined: Aug '08
Posts: 526
Posted 2 months ago
Tue Sep 8 2009 12:52:27
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SWM, 11211, seeks BK female with pack tight, age, race looks unimportant. Please send photo of pack tight. ;)
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spideyjg
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Joined: Jul '08
Posts: 1,405
Posted 2 months ago
Tue Sep 8 2009 13:10:30
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LOL! :)
Now that is funny stuff!
Jim
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