Got Bed Bugs? Bedbugger Forums » Introductions
Need some friends who understand!!
(9 posts)-
lumpyredthing
newbite
Joined: May '09
Posts: 23
Posted 10 months ago
Sun May 10 2009 5:45:16
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Hello everyone, I'm so glad I found this site! I'm in London, UK and after suffering 'hives' since early December I discovered 2 days ago that it's the bed buggers! After a few hours of abject panic I've come to terms with the fact that they're not super-intelligent beings intent on destroying my life but they're just little bugs that need blood to live. I've contacted a bed bug removal specialist and hoovered out what I can. I'm actually relieved in a way because I'm covered in a really, really bad rash (I'm pretty allergic to the bites) that I was unable to get diagnosed. I do feel dreadful about all the friends' homes that I've visited, or people that I've taken out in the car, or had visiting at my house. What do you do about that?? I can't bring myself to tell everyone.....................
Far worse than the bugs is my husband. He can be very 'difficult' about things and as he's the lucky one that doesn't react to/doesn't get bites he now has two theories - and he changes between the two every few minutes:
Theory 1: is that I'm the one that gets bitten, therefore I'm the one that's dirty, therefore I'm the one that brought them here, therefore it's ALL MY FAULT. As husband is a chronic asthmatic our house is as clean and devoid of soft-furnishings as an operating theatre!
Theory 2: is that there are no bed bugs (despite the fact that I showed him two that I 'sellotaped' off the wall and showed him the blood smears on the sheets - which are only on my side!!). I have made up this 'ridiculous story' to excuse my rash and is shouting at me to cancel the 'bug man' and go to the Doctor.
Honestly, the bugs I can deal with but his reaction is just doing me in. I think reading this site this morning has saved my sanity
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Unfortunately, marital strife is a common side effect of a bed bug infestation. I'm sorry to hear that your husband is struggling with his misconceptions about the parasites & taking it out on you.
It sounds like a no win situation. When your pest control tech confirms the bed bug infestation... your husband may still choose to believe that the infestation is "all your fault" despite any evidence to the contrary.
His need to believe that that fault can be found in this situation is emotionally driven & neither reason nor educational materials are likely to help sway that behavior.
Just keep in mind that bed bugs are like colds... they are an exposure pest... no one is immune.
There is some evidence that bed bug infestations may provoke an asthmatic response in some people. If your husband becomes sensitized to bed bug products... he may become more interested in dealing with the infestation.
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buggyinsocal
oldtimer
Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,257
Posted 10 months ago
Sun May 10 2009 12:39:24
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I'm not a mental health professional, just a person who suffered through bed bugs.
I can tell you this: many people react to news that they don't want to hear by trying to deny it or place blame. Your husband's responses are classic examples of exactly that. They are, unfortunately, all too common.
Exactly what you can do to deal with that is hard to say, since I don't know anything else about your husband personally. But if information and logic are likely to work, you might consider sending him to some websites with more information. Doug is right; bed bugs are a pest of exposure. It's not about cleanliness. That's a myth left over from the early 20th century, which wasn't true then either (but did harbor a lot of class and ethnic based prejudices within in.) If someone in the house has asthma and you're following the allergy related guidelines about that--no carpet, little upholstered furniture, non-down bedding that is regularly washed, dust mite encasements for the bed and pillows--you're already living in a place that is as unhospitable to bed bugs as any place can be.
However, bed bugs do not circle the world looking for dirty homes and apartments. Bed bugs move in because you were unlucky enough to pick up a hitch hiker or two from somewhere: one crawled onto your bag on the Tube, or one climbed onto a suitcase at a hotel, or one climbed into your bag at work. (Or, more precisely, two did-- a male and a female. Or one female who was already fertilized with eggs. It only takes one female with eggs to start an infestation.)
As for telling other people--esp. when you're getting bombarded with the old myths that we've all heard and internalized--it can seem like the most terrifying thing in the world. I can't tell you how people will react to you. I can tell you that I was terrified to tell people since my landlord who was the first person I told didn't initially take it well at all.
But all my friends and family whom I had visited were completely fine with it, and a few were staggeringly supportive.
And despite having visited and stayed overnight at the homes of several friends while I was infested but hadn't realized it, and staying at hotels with several other friends, sometimes even sharing beds with them--no one I visited with got infested.
And in the process of telling them, I educated a whole bunch of people I know about bed bugs, and now they all know how to inspect hotel rooms for bed bugs, so it actually turned out to be good not only for me, but for them.
Hang in there. It will get better. It doesn't feel like it now, but good people here told me that in those horrible, despair-filled first days. And although I didn't believe them at the time, they were right.
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lumpyredthing
newbite
Joined: May '09
Posts: 23
Posted 10 months ago
Mon May 11 2009 2:21:04
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Thank you so much - it really does help knowing your out there. At least husband now believes me! He refused to use bed last night and came in with a torch at about 4am - suffice to say I was wearing quite a few while the others were having a bed walk while waiting for lunch!!!! Not nice, but I must keep a sense of humour!! He's gone into cleaning/washing overdrive and told his family that I am 'infested'. My main worry is that he insists we call in one of these 'emergency' PCOs and get an instant spray while I want Bed-Bugs Limited, especially after reading David's posts on here. I do want a quick fix but I want a long-term fix.
Saw two doctors yesterday as rash very bad - both diagnosed 'contact dermatitis' and couldn't identify the two bugs I took to show them (well sellotaped and wrapped!) - and this is in a part of London which has a big BB problem.
At least I've now solved the mystery of why there are always so many abandoned mattresses in our street.......................
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lumpyredthing
newbite
Joined: May '09
Posts: 23
Posted 10 months ago
Tue May 12 2009 15:51:59
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Just an update - had first treatment today, very good - I did use David Cain's firm, thank heaven! Infestation is quite bad but fortunately confined to bedroom.
Husband totally freaked, can't deal with it at all, absolutely refuses to sleep in bedroom so I'll be the sole 'bait'! I'm not looking forward to going to bed tonight, I guess you all know the feeling! I'll be thinking of you all while I'm lying in bed waiting to feel the first bite!
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Grindstone99
junior member
Joined: May '09
Posts: 56
Posted 10 months ago
Wed May 13 2009 10:31:06
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Have you isolated your bed? Once I did this I knew this was the only safe place to be in the whole house!
Also, my PCO told me it was confined to my bedroom too, but the infestation had been going on for so long without us knowing that I am finding now they are in the whole house.... Don't want to scare you, just saying maybe put some sticky bug catchers in teh rest of the house just to be sure. -
BeenBitten
junior member
Joined: Mar '09
Posts: 39
Posted 10 months ago
Wed May 13 2009 15:50:25
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hey lumpyredthing i live in East London too....ur saying theres so many beds out on ur street? hmm...well i live in Ilford and see none...
im gonna use David cains firm also next week...hows the infestation going so far? has the problem improved a little or alot or ?..
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lumpyredthing
newbite
Joined: May '09
Posts: 23
Posted 10 months ago
Thu May 14 2009 7:20:03
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BeenBitten - 15 hours ago »
hey lumpyredthing i live in East London too....ur saying theres so many beds out on ur street? hmm...well i live in Ilford and see none...
im gonna use David cains firm also next week...hows the infestation going so far? has the problem improved a little or alot or ?..Too soon to tell - I slept in the room last night (2nd night) and only got one '3 in a row' bite - no others at all, but I think it's a bit soon so it was probably a night when most of them don't feed. However, I'm sure that the large amount of buggers that the technician removed from the bed frame have eased the problem tremendously, at least for now.
I'll keep you updated as time goes on
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lumpyredthing
newbite
Joined: May '09
Posts: 23
Posted 10 months ago
Thu May 14 2009 7:25:07
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Grindstone99 - 20 hours ago »
Have you isolated your bed? Once I did this I knew this was the only safe place to be in the whole house!
Also, my PCO told me it was confined to my bedroom too, but the infestation had been going on for so long without us knowing that I am finding now they are in the whole house.... Don't want to scare you, just saying maybe put some sticky bug catchers in teh rest of the house just to be sure.We're monitoring closely around the areas adjoining the room but there are no faecal traces obvious anywhere but the infestation is quite heavy and we're aware that there may be fairly recent colonies elsewhere - I haven't isolated the bed, I'll let them enjoy their 'final meal' before they die in agony!! ;-)
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