My mother won't call for help- we're in way over our heads.

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My mother won't call for help- we're in way over our heads.

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Started 1 year ago by NotAHypotheticalDisaster
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NotAHypotheticalDisaster

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Posted 1 year ago
Wed Nov 23 2011 8:30:46
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Warning: I tend to ramble. This is bad when paired with the fact that I can't focus when trying to regurgitate an accurate retelling of anything. Also, I noticed there's no spell check on this site, so I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors and general stupidity.

I don't know if I'm actually old enough to be posting here, in all actuality (I'm sixteen). Despite this, Nobody in my family is quite sure what to do, so this is the place I broach the familialy-foreign subject of 'outside help'. I know first-hand that the internet isn't the most trustworthy information monger, and I'm usually too shy to post or frequent forums, but I'm scared that, even though my little family has been through a lot, we won't survive this.

Let it be said now that my mother and I weren't in the best mental state beforehand. We're not the happiest people. My mother has always had an intimate and entirely immersed relationship with the 'supernatural' and we've always been paranoid people. We both suffer anxiety attacks and morbid, almost constant depression.

I also know for a fact that we have bed bugs, and a rather serious infestation at that, or at least it feels like it. I was the first to see them, in the room I'm sitting in right now, which is my brother's room/dining room. (We have a precarious living situation in which we live in a bad neighborhood, in a two bedroom apartment with three people. We don't have enough money to move, and even if we did we'd need to have another car.) The bug was small (Though now I know it was an adult), and it was just meandering through the clutter on my brother's computer desk without any care that I was sitting right there. Being as thoroughly grossed out by bugs of any kind (I'm even afraid of caterpillars) as I am, I squished it, and even though it took a long time with just a paper towel, thus causing me to inspect the blood-trodden carapace, I didn't give it any thought until I saw the same kind of bug, if not smaller, doing the same thing up the computer screen two days later.

I was about to put the long and short of it, but my mother saw how much I was writing and reprimanded me for rambling, so here is the gist of my situation:

-We've concluded that there are a plethora of ways one of us could have brought a single bed bug into the house, but that it, indeed, started with just one, barring the possibility that a couple crawled through the walls of our apartment, even with just one house joining ours.
- We live in a bad apartment complex. I'm going to leave to imagination what the goings-on around here are.
-My mother is very afraid to go to any pest control for help. There are multiple reasons for that, but it behooves me to ask this question on her behalf:
-I've seen people who were able to get their landlord to pay for treatments of bed bugs. I want to ask the people who work at our offices that if we can prove that we have them (And we most certainly can) if they would pay, but how would I go about proving that someone whose house is in the same row of apartments as I am didn't get bedbugs from us?
-She didn't say this, but I fear that if we were left with someone else's treatment bill, that we would be homeless. Can the offices do that to us? It doesn't seem fair.
-I'm still in highschool. I didn't have very many friends until two years ago, and I'm not much of a socialite. However, now I have a few dear friends who want me to go places with them and they also hug a lot more than I ever though people should hug each other. ~~Is there anything I can do to make myself feel less guilty about being friends with them?~~ ~~Am I putting them in danger with every show of friendly affection?~~ <--Those are stupid questions. Rather, is there any way to put them at the least risk without tipping them off that I'm an absolute plague?
-My room is fairly small and on the second floor, a furniture set making it even more cramped. We won't be able to remove my bed (which is just a box spring and a top mattress on the floor in the first place) without fitting it sideways and horizontally through the door. Is there any way to remove it without spreading the little jerks all over the place?
-Just a bitecheck: I have about thirty bites (taking into account the fact that one or two be acne- I'm a teenager, once again- but that I didn't raise my pant leg to count the mass of them on my ankles or the ones on my upper legs) They're mostly on my arms and around my ankles and my thighs. I got seven new ones, six of them on my back and four of those around a scab from falling backwards into a school heater thanks to my rowdy friends. My mom is starting to see bites on her as well, even despite my greatest hopes that she, in her already declining health might not be affected. We can't count how many bites are on my brother, even if we wanted to because he is stubborn and has grotesque residual acne patterns and scars. And now the internet knows about them, so that is my payback for being stubborn.

Any help or advice would be extremely appreciated. I hope anyone reading this has realized, through my rambling and obvious lackadaisical, almost neglegent disclosing of information that I am, indeed desperate.
EndOfMyRope

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Posted 1 year ago
Wed Nov 23 2011 9:33:25
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Hello,

Being a mom, my heart must broke reading your post. I am so sorry for everything you and your family are going through. I might skip around a bit in my reply, so bear with.me, ok. The first thing I want to tell you is that you are NOT a plague. You seem to me to be a very bright, caring and compassionate young lady who's doing all she can to help her family through a very trying ordeal, while continuing to battle pre existing emotional demons..you are indeed a very wise and very strong young woman and I commend you for taking that first step in seeking help.

You didnt mention where you live (its certainly not a requirement to do so, either) but what Id suggest, in regard to finding out if you can get the manager(s) of your building to cover the cost of treatments needed, is to start by calling a tenants rights group. They will be able to give you a better idea what the laws/requirements are in your area. In most places, there are laws in place to protect tenants ..one being the right to safe and sanitary living conditions free of vermin and other pests. Many states consider bed bugs, even though they are not known to transmit disease, as vermin. You could probably do some online research as to the landlord tenant laws, rights and responsibilities, etc in your area as well.

Another great place to find useful info is to check out the FAQ section on this site. There, you can learn how to protect friends and family when going to visit, to school and the like..lots of info there ..and of course, ask any questions you may have here..someone will be able to help you, I am certain of that theres also info on getting ready for treatments too. Important steps to follow when dealing with these nasties are - declutter as much as you possibly can (again, see faqs for proper disposal of unwanted/infested items..very important in making sure you dont spread them) laundering on hottest settings and vacuuming are also very important.

It is ALOT of work, believe me, I do realize that..and it can easily become very frustratimg and overwhelming, particularly to folks like us with medical issues who already suffer from anxiety and depression. You are not alone, I promise you that. I didnt think I would EVER get to the point of making progress, nevermind get through all the prep work. I had major spine surgery 5 years ago, and am the single mom of an adult son with disabilities..it seemed pretty impossible to me, to say the least. But I got thru it and Im making much progress in the war to be free of them. You will too!

Definitely keep us posted ok.. Youll be in my thoughts
Nobugsonme

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Posted 1 year ago
Wed Nov 23 2011 10:32:52
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I am so sorry you're going through this.

-I've seen people who were able to get their landlord to pay for treatments of bed bugs. I want to ask the people who work at our offices that if we can prove that we have them (And we most certainly can) if they would pay, but how would I go about proving that someone whose house is in the same row of apartments as I am didn't get bedbugs from us?

You need to find out the laws in the area. Don't rely on the management to tell you what they would do. If you private message me (click PM this user next to my post) I can try to help you find out the local laws -- which may be better than you posting your location. You can also call a tenants' rights group or even the reference desk at the public library, who should be able to help you find out local laws re: rentals and pests.
buggyinsocal

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Posted 1 year ago
Wed Nov 23 2011 13:03:55
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I just wanted to emphasize something that Nobugsonme already said:

See if you can find out what the laws in your city regarding bed bugs are.

I know that you know that it's dangerous for anyone--esp. minors--to post their location on the internet. Nobugs gives some great hints about how to find out about the local laws without doing that here.

Even though that may take a while to find out, if you know what the local laws are, you have a much better chance of protecting yourself while talking to management if you all decide to do that. Dealing with the company that owns a rental unit can be tricky; realistically you need to know your rights as you and your mother and the rest of your family strategize about how to move forward. Knowing what you're entitled to before you talk to them is super important for that reason. Some property owners who only care about money will lie to tenants and tell them that the tenants have to pay for treatment when the local law says otherwise.

As far as keeping your friends safe, basically, you want to make sure that every time you leave the home, you're leaving the home in clothes and with items that you are relatively sure are bug free.

The FAQ on what to do if you encounter bed bugs while traveling to avoid taking them home with you or spreading them was written for people who, say, encounter them in a hotel room and want to avoid bringing them home. However, the techniques work just as well for people with an active infestation in the home who don't want to spread the bugs while being treated.

It also is important to try to catch a few bugs and get them identified by someone. If you have access to a digital camera, you can post the pics here. A lot of people--grown ups and teenagers alike--mis-identify other bugs thinking those other bugs are bed bugs. It's always possible that what you're seeing are a look alike bug--either one that bites, or causes bite like responses--or one that doesn't bite alongside another pest that does. If someone here confirms your photos (and yes, a camera phone will often work if you have one of those but not a fancy digital camera), then you can be sure that someone who doesn't want to get money from you has confirmed what you already knew. If you don't confirm it, and the pest control company or the landlord isn' above board, you may go through a lot of stress and expense when you don't need to. Independent verification is a good idea for that reason.

Finally, hang in there. Often people don't think so at the start of an infestation, but bed bug infestations can be fought successfully, so I just like to remind people that it is possible to get through this and live a very normal life on the other side of the infestation.
EndOfMyRope

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Posted 1 year ago
Tue Nov 29 2011 8:45:25
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NotAHypotheticalDisaster,

Hello! I wanted to check in on you, and see how youre all holding up? Any updates?? Thinking of you, hope to see an update soon
NotAHypotheticalDisaster

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Posted 1 year ago
Tue Nov 29 2011 16:49:39
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We realized that the most infested place was my mattress. Nobody said anything, but that makes me think I might have gotten them from school. We're looking into total bed covers we could put around both the boxspring and the top mattress so we can dispose of it without spreading them around the house and around outside. Even though I'm fairly certain that most people in our apartment complex have them (I see a new mattress every week) I don't need the guilt of knowing we've actually given them to somebody else.
(Edit: My bed is a box spring and a top mattress on the ground, since my morbidly obese brother is morbidly obese and slept on it one too many times.)

We've gotten a few dead ones, but I don't have any way of getting a picture onto the internet, and I'm pretty sure no exterminator wants us barging into their workspace with them (Although I did have a laugh at the irony that would ensue). I've tried looking for tenant laws, and I've not seen anything for my particular area in terms of cost. My mother and I started cleaning through my room , starting with my closet to get rid of the stupid junk I don't ever use. Minus finding two odd-looking bug carapace and the Pokemon game I've been looking around for forever, it's been slow going. I have no trouble with throwing away stuffed animals I never touch or purses I never use (I'm not exactly a purse person), but my mother is the packrat. Especially since about four years ago we had to sell most of our valuable family heirlooms to keep from sleeping in our car.

One thing I am ashamed of is that yesterday I wasn't paying attention to what I was saying at lunch, and I told three people that we had bugs. I don't even know what I was ranting about, but I belatedly realized what I had said. It was almost comical if I wasn't so afraid somebody has told their parents. I only know one of them well, and I know enough that she can barely keep shut about the financial troubles I told her about before this.

The other two were two guys I barely know from Latin and Anime club, and I got one to tell me that he wouldn't tell anyone, but I hope he realized I expressly meant his parents in particular. That's all there really is to say on that, since I know this isn't a place for counseling.

Which we're trying to find. But I suppose there's nothing for that until Thursday.

We're also looking into getting some kind of steam cleaning device, but my mother has qualms about that working better than anything else we've tried.
BugsMustDie

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Posted 1 year ago
Tue Nov 29 2011 17:56:11
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Actually an exterminator would be fine with you bringing in a sample. Just seal it a ziploc.

While deep cleaning, steaming and getting rid of your mattress could help reduce the population, it likely won't get rid of them entirely, especially if they're in other units in your building. I really encourage you to find out if the landlord is responsible for treatment and try to get professional to come in. Also, don't assume you gave them to someone else just because your mattress is the most affected in your unit. It's quite possible there's an adjacent unit in your apartment that's the source. That's why it's so important to get your landlord on board with treatments.

I don't know what to tell you about school. High school is super tough anyway. I can't imagine what you're going through. Does you school have a counselor? If so, perhaps he or she can also assist you with finding out the laws and available resources in your area.