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Moving on with your life?

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S

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Posted 6 years ago
Sat Apr 14 2007 17:03:14
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So Chicago apparently just won the U.S. bid for the 2016 Olympics. My boyfriend called to tell me the news, all excited (we live in Chicago). I said "Shit." He said "What?" I said "Bedbugs."

He got really disappointed. I felt bad for even saying it. It was like I crushed his mood, with one word.

I also know that there is some debate about immigration causing bedbugs, and the concept of the bugs coming from "foreigners." I am not taking a stance on that except to say that it's unfair to blame "other countries," especially since the US is probably as bad or worse than other places right now.

But yet, I don't want the Olympics in my city. I don't want a huge influx of travelers from all around the world, staying in Chicago's hotels and eating in Chicago's restaurants. Because I am still scared of bedbugs, and bedbugs so often spread from travel. And whether or not I am scared of the ones that *might* still be in my apartment, I will always be scared of the other ones, out there in the rest of the world.

Now, on the one hand, I'm hoping to someday move on from bedbugs. To stop checking my bed every night, to hang my clothes in a closet, to stop ogling my coworkers' acne worrying that it's bites, to start having people over for dinner, to feel comfortable sitting on my couch and driving in my car, to feel relaxed in a hotel room, to carry a normal purse, to take my wallet out of a ziploc, to take our bed off the risers, to sleep with a comforter, to put curtains back on the window, ugh I could go on and on. And I know that as long as I can live past this, I will have this normal life back someday. I will be able to do all those things. (It seems so unbelievable, but I believe it, and it's my north star at this point).

But on the other hand, will I ever really move on from bedbugs? Maybe I'll always be suspicious of traveling and travelers. Maybe I'll never feel relaxed in a hotel room. Maybe this will be with me my whole life.

I guess I'm just saddened by this thought, and I know my boyfriend is too. (I know he wants more than anything for me to be able to MOVE ON). But part of me thinks "moving on" is stupid and complacent and careless. Like the minute I say "Okay, here I am, moving on!" out will come the bugs.

What do others think? This may be the most difficult part, after everything else - coming to terms with the idea of moving on, and facing the fact that you may never fully move on. I know that I'm better-equipped now than I ever was to deal with this problem, but still. How do I avoid living in fear?

Maybe this is a shout-out to the positive thinkers. How do you stay hopeful?
Bugalina

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Posted 6 years ago
Sat Apr 14 2007 17:20:53
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How can we move on when they are just beginning their assault ! We are the chosen few who have gotten them sooner than later...It is sad...Can you imagine how those parents in Manhattan and Queens feel when they know live bed bugs have been sighted in their childrens schools ! Its a russian roulette for them. This isn't over by a long shot "S"...You have fought your fight and you have won...but you must remain on high alert...I haven't been to a movie theatre in over a year..Some can call me "overly paranoid"...ok I'll take that on the chin..but if I get them again who is going to foot the bill, to the tune of thousands..Who is going to breathe in all of those chemical applications again....Me, not them....No one can fully understand how you feel unless they have experienced this....If there isn't a solution for bed bugs by the time the Olympics comes then I am going to stop paying my taxes !!! I'll go to jail and become a bed bug martyr !!
S

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Posted 6 years ago
Sat Apr 14 2007 17:51:08
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Hey Bugalina, I'm uncomfortable saying that "I've won." I'm sure you understand. I just can't accept that yet, because I'm still seeing itchy bumps, a few each week. And, yeah. You understand.

Maybe I'll be there soon.

Anyone else? Is it possible to move on?
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 6 years ago
Sat Apr 14 2007 18:34:08
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Hi S, Surely this site has helped me deal with the acute crisis and I just don't know what I would have done without the guidance especially offered to me my first week on the blog. One thing bad is that I'll have to stay on my toes for a long, long time, but at least the traumatic acute trauma phase has started to abate. Last night I got a fairly good night sleep but prior to that--each and every time I would lay down, visions of ugly bed bugs I'd seen, were haunting and plaguing my mind.

On a positive note--that has diminished some ... but I'm still like you! Every pimple ... every friend reporting a flea ... and the list goes on and on and on. About a week ago, I felt myself to be totally "bed bug free" for just a few hours and only after serious sterilization of my clothing and my person and then I just sat in the sun for an hour and a half in the park across the way. It was relaxing to a degree ... to feel the sunshine ... To smile at a passerby ... I have not felt that in 6 weeks--and oddly enough my mind wandered to the other members of this blog. I found myself trying to see if I could help this one or that one out--if you haven't yet--don't bother looking at the "skin chat" That was a fiasco, although I did try hard--it kept turning into an eight page paper. True--skin is complicated--but the bed bud? That's worse than having a raging alcoholic in you life--there; at least, you can 5150 someone but a bed bug? OMG--yes some positive stuff is imperative, the two days I spent ruining my little skin chat was good therapy for me. At least I have it in my head now, better on ways to try and identify bed bugs bites and how to treat my skin more tenderly.
But like Bugalina says we are the chosen and the vanguards. I had to do a serious amount of thinking--and I still got the chat all messed. When I went to post the 6 pages--I lost it, so ... I just typed some dumb stuff in there and even that had a PM in my box, saying it made no sense.
LOL
It was good therapyâ€”and talk of therapyâ€¦ My shrink donâ€™t not yet understand nada how I feel. I like this room but had thought you were a guy!
Sorry
Willowguy
bbwarrior

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Posted 6 years ago
Sat Apr 14 2007 23:32:36
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Gosh guys. How terribly sad this all is. S., Willow, Buck up, please? Here is what I know from our little group:
We all have post traumatic stress syndrome (the bed bug equivilent)the horror, the loss...
We all are smart, sensitive souls trying to make things better for ourselves and each other.
We are fighters, we are tough and we we will always have this with us. But, we will move on and will keep cool heads when the s hits the fan and our friends and neighbors need our help.
Every time I log on, I am so proud of all of you. You have REALLY helped me cope, I could not have done it with out you. No one else understood or really cared.
SO! After they are gone from each and every one of our homes, we will be stronger, smarter, clean and clutter free. ( What a spring cleaning!!)
And of course, we now have each other.
wantmyskinback

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 0:21:35
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Way to go BBW.
S, I am just as paranoid as you. And what you say about the Olympics is surely a possibility. But I hope by 2016 (9 years) we will be able to control bed bugs, or be close to eradicating them. That's my hope.
How do I cope? Well, I tell my self that having bb's is like having a cold.... ok. ok. There's NO comparison but I have to find some rationalization some how to facing each day.
buggedinbrooklyn

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 0:26:30
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wait, do you guys realy think that you'll never get them again?
and again?
and again?

do you realy think that this will be it, and then it's over?

let me just remind a few of you how the mayor of NYC handles rats and mice in the NYC area...
he fines the restaraunts and other food shops.
that's it.
nothing more.

so the rats and mice have free roam bellow the streets of NYC, and sometimes even above the streets.
they will never go away till the city gets active in trying to kill them off.
(stuff that fact in your tripadvisor.com report)
after all, why is it some restaraunt owner's fault that he has mice droppings or rat droppings if the city wont do anything to help?

anyway, here is what the NYC mayor is doing about bedbugs
....

that's right, nothing.
nothing at all.

so why should this problem ever go away?
did the rats and mice go away?

I said a few months agao that we will get them again.
sadly enough, a well known bedbug victim got them for the second time.
I've said it before, I'll say it again, unless our local and national governments get involved in the fight against bedbugs, we all will have them soon.
and we will get them again, and again, and again.

sorry, but mark my words...in 5 years, everyone in the USA will have or know someone who has bedbugs.
everyone.

buggedinbrooklyn
wantmyskinback

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 0:44:09
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Hey Bugged . I don't think I will never get them again. That's why I have to rationalize in my own mind that it's like catching a cold (which I'd trade it for any day). I know these bugs can come back. But I have to live my life. Beleive me, I was guarded before about starting a new relationship, can you imagine how I am now???? A friend of mine invited me to a movie premiere next week in a part of the city that I know has a severe infestation, I won't go !!! I am inert in many ways now, worse than ever. But, S asked, how to move on...and my answer is... I just have to. I just do it.
I agree with you about the rats and the fines, and the mayor is just a money monger. It really upsets me.
I hope you don't mind, but I wanted to get back to you on this, but now I'm signing off. I'll pick it up tomorrow.
Good night.
bbwarrior

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 1:20:19
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Bugged... True the mayor does nothing. And I agree that restaurants are not to blame. We have a restaurant & bar supply store and our customers are disgusted. The inspectors will search till they come up with at least $500. in fines. It's so unfair but I wonder what will happen when bed bugs invade restaurants? (As they already have in clubs and lounges with couches and overstuffed cozy chairs) Will the restaurants be fined for bed bugs? The mayor won't help, but WE will. We have to inform and educate. Soon, when the bug epidemic cannot be denied, people will listen. Everyone has to change the way they go about their lives until someone comes up with the magic potion. I may get them again but eventually I'll get rid of them for good. I really believe that. I am really determined because I've wasted the past 2 1/2 months of my life. I met an aquaintance today who whispered "how's the bug situation?" and I felt like I had a HUGE scarlet B on my shirt! These little fiends are not going to win.
And S., I have a cold right now and all I want to do is cozy up to sleep but there is no comfort in that!!
Nobugsonme

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 3:10:51
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bbwarrior,
having a cold when you have bbs is the worst.
the one thing you want to do is sleep--i remember that happening to me many times. and if the cold was really bad, i WOULD sleep.
and be a lot itchier for a few days...
feel better soon.
"And so it goes..." (RIP Kurt Vonnegut)
buggedinbrooklyn

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 10:52:45
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if anyone remembers the way I found out that I had bedbugs in my father's apt, was that I had the flu...and because my (now ex-)girlfriend had cancer, I had to sleep over at my father's place.
I woke up with as much as 40 bites on my right arm and hand.

having to wash and pack up clothes from our dressers, do so much research, the list goes on and on.
all while having the flu.
and who could sleep when you know you'll get bit again?
the horror of it all.

yes, I agree that we have to go on with our lives.
some, like myself might even go on a nice vacation, and yes, stay in a hotel.
some will go to the movies again.
some will goto clubs or lounges again...it would be sweet to visit that nice coffee place near me again with thier overstuffed couches and all the pretty ladys who visit it.

I would even say for our own sanity that we must do a few things that are not 100% safe.
not that we should be careless, but we must go on with our lives.

but sadly, we will get them again.
and again.
and again.

buggedinbrooklyn
ella

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 11:49:52
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i was just talking w/a friend last night about how i can't imagine ever putting clothes somewhere- in a closet, on a shelf, in a drawer- and not have it be in a ziploc. or give people hugs and not think in the back of my mind, "am i transferring?? maybe i shouldn't be hugging anyone!" and i can still remember being able to wear clothing more than once before washing it- but i don't think i could do it now.

not surprisingly, my friend just kind of smiled and nodded and ended up saying, "well, at least it's not roaches- that would be worse." i almost slapped him across the face, but instead went into a tirade about how that was such an ignorant thing to say and anyone w/BBs will most definitely tell you they would MUCH rather have cockroaches in their apt. roaches don't leave you with welts and get into absolutely everything and invade your life in such a horrible way.
Bugalina

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 12:03:35
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ella...its very unfortunate, but unless people have experienced bed bugs, they know not what these monsters do to a life...Bugzinthehood once said that after you've experienced bed bugs you are always looking over your shoulder...this is very true. Last night when I was falling asleep I tried to tell myself that I have to shed this fear...I thought about a wonderful friend I had who was lost in the WTC attack...he burned to death on the 99th flr...I said over and over again to myself that I am so lucky to be here..experiencing life...But today , here I am again.. the paranoia just sticks to my guts...I am lucky but I cannot deny that bed bugs have negatively affected my life...the joy of simply living has been taken away...I am always looking over my shoulder..
wantmyskinback

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 12:07:41
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Bugged, read my thread about "What if they come back????" I started that a few days ago. It's what you keep bringing up.... and --- what if they do come back? If they do, I will deal with it now with KNOWLEDGE from past experience. And With the support of this group. I'm not being cavalier but realisitc. Just like you. No, I can't live in a hole forever. I have to take risks. You know, I am raising teenagers, and if I said to them, "stay in the box, don't push your limits, answer me with yes mommmy dearest" I would be teaching them to always be afraid. I don't want that. I want them to take risks, to be fine adults who will accomplish something because the pushed the boundaries ever so much and found out it wasn't so terrible!!! They are being raised with the fear of GLOBAL WARMING... OK? And bed bugs. And Internet Preditors...Suicide bombers, 911 (my son was all of 12 when that happened, and we could see the smoke from our home on the upper east side, and my ex husband was taping the windows so the poisons wouldn't seep into our home, and my son escaped to video games while the tv showed the collapse of the towers over and over and over again) can you imagine GROWING UP WITH THAT FEAR???? It's a daily thing in Israel and Iraq, but not here, so HELLO, welcome to the world of Terrorism....) all these things we NEVER had growing up. If I set the example of fear... what message am I sending them? I would be teaching them not to be brave not to take charge and not to LIVE THEIR LIVES with strength and conviction. One day they are going to be out on their own. I want them to be in control, even when an out of control event (like BED BUGS) throws a wrench into the mix.
I gotta live my life. Take precautions...and if you get them again, you will deal with it, in a smarter (but totally pissed off) way.
Bugalina

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 12:16:01
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wantmyskinback...You are headed for the official "Bed Bug Hall of Fame"....you have passed shame, and blame and now you have reached Fame !! I think you have done a fabulous job of not putting this shit fear into your kids..and that is not an easy task to accomplish....raising two socially active teenagers, while going thru infestation would be more than enough to make someone crazy..but you have always maintained a sense of positive attitude...pat yourself on the back...you are an inspiration...
wantmyskinback

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 12:33:20
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Thanks Bugalina I appreciate. And YOU deserve accolades too, for the hard work you do to prevent their return, and for the amazing support and advice you have given to ME and to all of the others. But believe me, I still have my issues. I just can't let it cause inertia, because I have to go out and earn a living, and keep my mental health in check (which was questionable about 2 mmonths ago, and is border line at this very moment). But even you said, your friend died in the worst terrorist attack our country has ever endured, WTC ! I would take bed bugs over being in that building or on those planes....ANY DAY. That's a harsh reality. You saw the images of people downtown covered with ash, running for shelter.... talk about PTSD ! Bed bugs suck, there is no denying it. And they are hard to get rid of. And it's embarassing and awful and gross and all of those things. But they are not burning or jumping to death from the 99th floor of the WTC. Or breast cancer. Or murder on Rivington Street. Or a car accident on the Long Island Expressway.
Look, we are at the beginning phases of this infestation. Someone said before, maybe you did, that we are the LUCKY ones to brave the storm early, because we will know how to handle it if it happens again.... and I'm thinking, in a year from now, we will be talking about NEW INVENTIONS, new PESTICIDES, NEW GOVERNMENT POLICY, and maybe even the legalization of DDT.
Don't give up hope.
Don't give up your "LIFE".
Think of this as a broken leg, or bout with the flu, but it's not cancer, or death, or terrorism.
bbwarrior

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 12:38:14
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No Bugs...
Absolutely RIP Kurt. When I was in high school one of my teachers said can't you find someone better to read?!!
Good thing I went through most of my bags in the backyard yesterday. It's torrential rains today.
My daughter the bb trooper is performing at a club in the Village today with her Musical Thearter group and I am paranoid but I know she won't be tossing her backpack and coat on the pile, we have our ziploks! Also when we told her school that we had them and were taking precautions, they all said how sorry they were, bla bla. I told them thanks but you have to be aware. They said there were none (!) in the building. Unconcerned. Hmmmm
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 6 years ago
Sun Apr 15 2007 12:44:25
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Bugalina and Ella were posting as I tried and what Iâ€™d written was lost. But yes, Ella--right nowâ€¦ I just put on a pair of pants I wore yesterday, but had not wrapped them up tightly in plastic before I went to sleep--I thought of you and that one coat you had not dry cleaned as I put the pants on â€¦
I was loath to check the pockets. It's scary! And it's a lot of trouble to get myself feeling totally bb free. Just leaving my room and getting out of this building leaves me suspect, as to whether or not some little nymph has attached itself to me on the my way out the front door!

And even when I do take the greatest pains to sterilize, I just can't always do it! On those days I am even wearier when I go outside. I try to tell myself if I have even have only one bed bug on me--Iâ€™m likely to be about as bug free as 80% of the people all around me. But that is rationalization, and, on those days â€¦ I stay even further away from anyone and everybody!
Now that makes me look terrified and somewhat more of a neurotic all by itself.

But since I've not actually seen a bed bug in a month I'll try to look on the bright side, that they have all died. And I so totally relate with wanting to slap some people who have no idea what having bed bugs entails... â€œCockroaches???â€ I'd love to trade off for a bunch of them instead! Thank God for DE!
And I do seem to be a little less â€œlooking over my shoulder all of the time , Bugalina--but I doubt that will ever occur 100%--especially not until they finish checking floor by floor â€¦ room by roomâ€¦ (I'm in the top corner room on the eight floor; they are spraying individual rooms as they spot bed bugs and then move up one more floor.)
Now that is totally irresponsible! But if I say too much about itâ€”they WILL start to hassle me. I WILL wind up homelessâ€”and so although Iâ€™d like to slap the manager across the faceâ€”I canâ€™t.
(Reference to my post in Rachel Carlson thread regarding homeless â€œDaveâ€ about two days ago.) Iâ€™m better off than poor Dave is, anyway for now I seem to be anyway.
Glad to see a post from Ella .I have not seen one in a while â€¦
Ella â€¦ Did you get the landlord to spray? What were the results? Howâ€™s it going on that level? Iâ€™m glad this all came up, Iâ€™m taking off the pants and finding cleaner oneâ€™s as I do have to be out in the public today for several reasons â€¦ one of which is a meeting in a fairy crowded room.
OMGâ€”I just found some of what appears to be fairly new dropped eggs on the underside of a table!!! Lots of goop! Back to more thoroughness and cleaning everything all over again! Iâ€™ll just post this anyway even though Iâ€™m leaving out of here on a very unhappy and negative note! String of cure wordsâ€”48938449*(*(A(A(*S)(S()S^saS&s
STET!
bbwarrior

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Posted 6 years ago
Mon Apr 16 2007 23:36:57
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Willow
Did you get my PM that I sent the other day day about "Rosa"? Sorry to post in the forum but I have have no way of knowing if you got the PM. Your last message above has us all worried for you! When was the last time you checked that spot? Is it near your bed? I know it's disheartening but BE STRONG...KILL THEM.
bbwarrior

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Posted 6 years ago
Wed Apr 18 2007 23:08:48
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Hey Willow!
You said you would move to this forum so let me just say "BREAK A LEG!" You were a nurse and you always will be in some fashion, but now, maybe, how great that you'll more or less be a soul-nurse with this job??!!!!! You are strong and sweet and will be fabulous. Don't let proximity to the bugs interfere...sooner or later EVERyONE will be tip-toeing around them!
Oh, I thought I PM'd you but guess I forgot to log in first. Awww! It was a good one too but will try to remember and re-PM tomorrow.
All good things...
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 6 years ago
Thu Apr 19 2007 12:22:34
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Moving along ... I did post on thatâ€”thanks BBW!!!
And re moving along â€¦ I was able to work with Bugalina and WMSB and then BIB last night with 2 new bees on the site. That was exhilarating to actually help people who were just discovering bugs and or narrowing down the possibilities to rule out bed bugs! That in itself helps me feel more like I'm moving along ... BTW--BBW--IT WAS JUST VASALINE, (STILL BLUSHING A BIT ON THAT ONE) but this will only show everyone new--how this sort of a thing can happen and to post it here rather than swallow it in doubt and fear and shame and blame and--uncertainly.
P.S. BBW--I did send you a PM but now I'm getting confused as to who you are again... can you clarify in a PM? One PM I sent to you--went to another (I think it was BIB or BBB) that was over a week ago ... sorry guys/gals. But our names, sometimes do get a bit jumbled there are like 5 regulars who have â€œBUGâ€ in their name.
nyjammin

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Posted 6 years ago
Sat Apr 21 2007 17:27:44
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This is in response to buggedinbrooklyn. I'm in the Bronx and just found out I had bedbugs on New Year's Eve (Happy New Year, ha, ha). Anyways, something needs to be done nationally about this problem. Like you said, if you get rid of them, you may get them again. You cannot just get rid of the problem in one area and expect them not to return. We need some sort of fight like our country did in post-WWII. The country got rid of them then and can get rid of them now. I believe, that if the mayor's office or any politician's house (or houses) gets them, then they will do something. I believe it's a matter of time before one of their kids or guests will bring these little critters into their consciousness. Maybe one day the White House might get them just to wake them up a little bit. Bedbugs are everywhere, in all 50 states.
I also believe that people are living with them, but do not know it. It's not their fault, but because this epidemic is so relatively new, people are not educated about it. Some people get bit and have no reactions whatsoever. The government needs to do what it did for AIDS - EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE!!!
And last, but not least, PCOs are cashing in on this. Bedbug treatment is so expensive and just because you solved the problem, does not mean that they will not come back. So, we need to call the PCO again. And they charge you again. The circle continues. This is why we need to treat all 50 states and continue treating until we all have piece of mind. Bring back pre-1970s treatments. Until then, I am trying to move on with my life, but cannot.
Take care to everyone.
Nobugsonme

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Posted 6 years ago
Sat Apr 21 2007 19:54:22
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nyjammin--

SEVERAL responses to your comment in the thread entitled "Political Action." Please check it out.
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 6 years ago
Mon Apr 23 2007 14:36:41
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So.... here it is a few hours before my interview for the Social Workers job: Now ... JSY'all know: I'm dressed (from bottom to top) in clean white sneakers ... a pair of soft gray cords ... a long-sleeved RUST colored shirt (the kind you can get at an Army Navy store, and I'm also leaving it hang out as opposed to tucking it in.) Then there is this winter coat that is also cord and nearly matches the gray colored cord pants.
It is a small miracle I was able to throw this outfit together, and about moving on with my life ... I just now realized that "rust looks better on me than it does on the pipes and in the little dark corners of my pad.
lol.
I'm prepared for just about anything today! And had I not had this blog for support, I'm almost guaranteeing you; I would have most likely just hung up on the guy who called the other day to set up an interview for me today. I would have very likely just started crying my eyes out too!
Now ... That's what bed bugs had done to me--and that is what all of the support on this blog has done for me--and can continue to do for me and for many others!

A plain old â€œthanksâ€ is just not nearly enough guysâ€™ n galsâ€™!
wantmyskinback

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Posted 6 years ago
Mon Apr 23 2007 16:32:56
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You sound absolutely dashing!!! Combined with your fabulous brain, I bet the job interview is a total success!
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 6 years ago
Mon Apr 23 2007 16:34:46
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thanks ... if I dont leave in 10 minutes--I'll be late!
wantmyskinback

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Posted 6 years ago
Mon Apr 23 2007 16:39:48
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GET GOING will ya willow?
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 6 years ago
Mon Apr 23 2007 20:21:44
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It was grueling, this interview. Four on one side of the conference table me on the other ...
They handed me paragraphs of some of the most grueling case scenarios and then point blank asked me what I would do--without telling me what resources I would have at my disposal.

(Very much likethe support we give to new bees in here, huh)

Plus ... some case manager from another clinic--(a place where I used to do my art showed up for some dumb reason) showed up....
He's a Jack a**
Still in all--I think I did very well.
They said we'll try and call you in a week to 10 days. I got through it!
Yeah!
I'm going to take all my bed bugs out for cocktails and see if getting them plastered will reduce the # of eggs they lay!
Really--thanks for the support.
They were 20 minutes late and I was 20 minutes early....
As I waited ... I looked ... but I didn't see any bugs anywhere
wantmyskinback

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Posted 6 years ago
Mon Apr 23 2007 21:16:32
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Ya done good !!! Enjoy that cocktail. I think I'll join you.
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 6 years ago
Tue May 15 2007 2:03:10
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Anyway I did not get that job ...
I have totally de cluttered and cleaned for the inspecitons this week, and next month.
My place looks like a real apartment but I would have prefered it to still look like an Artist's studio.
I have helped man people here and they have done the same for me.
Thanks ALL!
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 5 years ago
Mon Jun 11 2007 20:13:08
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THIS THREAD "MOVING ON WITH YOUR LIFE?" IS AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE:

Those threads that often are revived, I believe are revived because of the relevance, pertinence, and overall openness of the title.

So, when Nomo, saw in another thread that I had stated I had started getting ready to paint again, she aptly and timely asked me the following question:

"Willow, I am so glad you will start painting again! I am curious to know what kind of differences you notice in your work. This experience does change us, well, some of us. I wonder if bedbugs will be present in your work somehow."

Nomo, I do plan to include bed bugs into my newer works, which; often are a tad gory anyway. On the other hand, I have a more "Monet" like style of painting. I doubt I would be able to an incorporate a bed bug into any of those "garden scenes."
I will include them in my 50-year-old Self-portrait. FYI Most Artists tend to do a good Portrait of themselves at about 50--so I figure why not me too! There will be bed bugs in that painting for sure!
Recently, I saw a show about to open here in town. I happened into this particular Gallery "The Shooting Gallery" as I often just "happenâ€ to (before a show commences). It is my favorite gallery to browse around. I think I do this by accident, mostly, yet it is true that I am not thrilled to go to crowded openings for other Artists (especially when most of my stuff is now stacked, undone, and slightly tarnished, and some even slightly damaged. They sit all against one wall on a protected table.
Ninety percent of my oils were totally spared bed bug wise and damage wise. Sixty to seventy percent of all other "Art stuff" was chucked. Knowing what I know now--I could have easily saved ALL OF IT, but alas, it was crowded in here anyway. Only tossed out six drawings thumbnail sketches, so REALLY nothing much lost there. So I got lucky!
But let me un-digress here some ...
My last visit--3 nights ago, to "the Shooting Gallery" I met the owner, briefly and I had sent him work previously, which was not quite finished in dig-photo via email. (This was about a month into my bed bug experience.)
In the first 4 days when I found all those bed bugs I did everything I could to protect my paintings, and so 200--250 bugs met their timely deaths within those first 96 hours. This was about 2 weeks before I joined this blog or knew really anything about bed bugs AT ALL! I had just lost my job and spent all my money on huge quantities of Terpenoid brand low odor paint thinner/distiller and many other adjunctive supplies.
In short, I used the crevice tool to vacuum up 40-60 bugs off the mattress all along the futon zipper--the rest.
I was ill for days afterwards--but heck, that was ... like, four months ago, give or take a week. that time I've since learned a lot about bedbugs, people human nature the blame and shame games we play and deeper reasons into the human ego and the depths of fear and shame can play in a persons quality of life--mine included here too!)
Most of this ego-learning pertains around the issues Bed bugs tend to stir--which are to many to list, really.
One striking example is how I noted one person in particular actually allowed their minds to go from being totally re-assuring that they knew I would have no chance of ever spreading the bugs should I visit--and this was because I had learned much on how not to carry or spread bed bugs here. Over time, I learned this--thank you all! But she recently said to me ... something that really meant: I hope I didnâ€™t get bed bugs and if I do--you'll be the first one I seek. She continues to buy and wear unwashed purchased second hand clothing.... Take cabs with not a care in the world ... eat I tourist trap restaurants nearly daily ....buy second hand furniture too--the works! Have odd visitors who smell as if in need of a bath. On top of this, she works in a place so close to being a public transit house for tourists--it may as well be that. This is supposed to be my friend. (All of these experiences will show in my work in some way, Nomo.)
But for reasons other than this Bed bug infestation, I had had â€¦ I was semi-reclusive when I got to this blogâ€”anyway. (Bed bugs made me feel even more so, so this is very true about bed bugs and the social isolation aspects to having them in your home.) Yet--I had her. Past tense. So sad ... when I stop going to see here she will eventually be likely to blame me for the bed bugs she will probably get--and she will not even know how she got them.
I lost two jobs because of Bed bugs. I am/was a Home Health Attendant/Nurse or many years and a glorified housekeeper, but no longer. I was working part time during my career change to Painter anyway--So to have all of this hit me then--was hugely devastating, Especially financially.
So ... (in yet another attempt to un-digress again) â€¦ I had not been to the gallery I spoke of, earlier, for months: I also saw the owner who tried to strike up a small conversation with me. I was avoidant of him, â€œavoidantâ€ thatâ€™s the best way to put it, but it was less to do with having Bed bugs and more how I was so caught off guard by his approach:
I plan to rectify all of that, this week, by a return visit to the gallery. I saw some other stuff I also liked but had not the chance to see it more closely.

The young Artist who was there hanging her works was interesting: her work had bugs in it (Painted in not glued in) Ha ha ha!
Many of her Acrylic and pencil portraits and figures had sort of Bed bug looking bugs,
sort of â€œworking their way into some of the corners of some of the paintings. They did not necessarily look like bed bugs. They were however, causing me to wonder on some new designs with bed bugs in them.

Thank God, I had â€œOlliâ€ The memory of her will come in handy when I try to paint bed bugs. So although my intention with â€œOlli,â€ was strictly, on a novice-like scientific experimental basis--having been so "wed" to such a loathsome creature, will no doubt be helpful when I incorporate these blood-sucking vampires into some of my new designs.

*******************************************************************

Artistically speaking in a more Literary way, I would like to put together an Anthology of short stories about Bed bugs, Edit it, get it published and done al anonymously. It is an idea akin to the 40 or so short stories in there AA big book type of an idea. Any writers out there? Pm me.
I am sure I could get 40--60 stories from the eight or ten people I know here ... and each of them knows eight or 10 more, sort of a thing.
I would like to put 20% of net profits to bed bug research
keep 30 percent for my efforts and divide the remaining 50% amongst the 50 stories. (THIS is a 250--300-page book we are talking about here. 2000-3000 words 6-8 typed pages. I have only discussed this with one other person on this blog--a brilliant writer, and that story is what got me going in this direction: we should write the short stories, make the money back for all of our pioneering insight and help we offer to other bed bug sufferers. it just becomes a thing of trust: I would need the 50 or so mailing addresses seen to I, in pm's or I would need to figure out a way to get my email address to the potential writers so they could submit their works. Each writer can submit up to three Essays. they could choose a name other than any on-line name they ever used and must agree to change all other names and situations that would definitely cause another to loose anonymity. I might change all names myself--so that way nobody could ever say we did something on purpose to them--I would not know enough of the writers so that law-suit thing is covered. Not that it is a big issue--it is just the nature of the work. We want to make money not point fingers and get entranced in counterproductive lawsuits.
Any takers on the idea? PM me for more info--as I said this is just a start of the thing. I have one Essay already â€¦
I need 49 more.
If even slightly interested â€¦ PM me, and I would write a more detailed sort of a thing and Pm it back to all interested, or to all who may even have friends off blog but with bed bugs or have had bed bugs and may be interested! In the PM, you would get my email address and I would eventually have to have one for you, and/or the writer submitting the work. Those not interested in the royalties could just donate them to the same research I plan on choosing. (Any ideas there guys? Even if your not into writingâ€”but have a good place where the money could do the best for researchâ€”let me know what you think!)

I am serious about this literary project: it came up, last week, and has been on my mind, quite a bit ever since I saw the Essay.
I was floored by it.
The Anthology would also, have, (hopefully) a section for Bed Bug Biology, treatments written by some sweet "Bugologist" and endorsed by some "big wig-Bug Squishier" in the bed bug celebrity world.
I am saying all of this is feasible and a most powerful message to send forth into the universe! Our stories about bed bugs. The deeper and more personally emotionalâ€”the better.
I have marketing strategies in my head already and welcome more form you in pmâ€™s.
(Yeah, me, an Editor, its true ... I just rarely edit my own work
If you have the slightest interest--please PM me so I will see how many find it interesting enough to pursue further. What a teaching tool and healing tool it would be. It would be a timeless, priceless, a collection of work, from "we the pioneers!"
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 5 years ago
Mon Jun 11 2007 21:00:49
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Oh yes ... Please make any and all inquiries into the anthology idea thru private message (Pm's) only--thanks! This is because it is not directly associated with bedbugger and we would of course give honorable mention if desired to the keymaster.
Willow
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Posted 5 years ago
Tue Jun 12 2007 12:29:02
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I think it's great that you will start work on your painting again, Willow. I'd thought your experience would make it into your work metaphorically, or in a change of temper or interest, but it must be difficult to find distancing ideas that remain meaningful. Actual bugs interpreted as such sounds scary. I hope you are up for it and wish you well, certainly. It's important to continue your work, despite everything.

Beethoven had bedbugs, I've discovered. In his sick bed, no less. And he was tormented by them, couldn't sleep. Sometimes people discuss bedbugs in history as if their impact was absorbed and diffused in the culture; that they were tolerated as an inescapable fact of existence. Perhaps, but I'm not so sure.
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Posted 5 years ago
Tue Jun 12 2007 13:16:27
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I am glad to hear you are going back to something you used to do before... it gives me hope!
nightshirt

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Posted 5 years ago
Tue Jun 12 2007 13:17:32
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funny wiillow i was just thinking this morning that your next painting could include actual bb's in the paint! funny i then read your blog. bugged minds think alike! also - i was hoping as i was reading that you were going to ask the gallery owner if you could have a show? any chance of that? and also re: the book - what are these stories about? thank god i dont know anyone who has these horrific creatures so i could not recommend another person for a story. i cant believe that im the only one i know who has gotten them. it is a rather isloating ordeal. alot of the bio stories are really in the part of this site that went on before this forum started.
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 5 years ago
Tue Jun 12 2007 21:13:20
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any friend you have from that time--may want to be included in the anthology, so please, direct them to me. (Send me thier email in a PM after theyagree to it)
thanks
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 5 years ago
Tue Jun 12 2007 21:15:19
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thanks all for the replies.
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Posted 5 years ago
Tue Jun 12 2007 21:48:46
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Willow.
Like Nightshirt, I was thinking of bed bugs on the actual canvas--maybe varnished bed bugs (so they would not rot, but be preserved forever).
I am glad you're painting again.
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 5 years ago
Sat Jun 23 2007 21:06:07
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I completed my first post bed bug work or art today!
I framed it today too! It's just a mixed media, young oak tree, sitting on a lawn, in front of a river with a 6 pm sky.

It was cool to start and finish it all in one day. I did not include any bed bugs in it--it is impressionistic style. I can't see how the two would go together.
Bed bugs and impressionism--HA!

Bed bugs are like being pregnant: either you are or you arent't.

If you've got bed bugs, or if you get pregnant .... You'll most likely know it, within two, at the latest 3 months: but that's wihtout any pregancy tests or pheremone traps on board.

Anyway--some other painting will get the bed bug treatment.
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Posted 5 years ago
Sat Jun 23 2007 23:53:35
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Hey Willow,
Got a photo of your new painting?
nightshirt

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Posted 5 years ago
Sun Jun 24 2007 10:25:55
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willow - would it be possible for you to post picutres of your most recent postbug paintings? i wonder how the bbs affected your phyche and how your paintings are different before and after. maybe not at all? lets see that wonderful creative beautiful work of yours!
willow-the-wisp

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Posted 5 years ago
Sun Jun 24 2007 15:37:17
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DEAR NS AND NOBUGS:

Unfortunately, since I broke my camera port--from too much steam on the tower, which is why I never recommend steam for electronics EVER! (BTW) I will post some pics someday vBut that os like ... way off--in the offing. (It entails me finding a computer to format my sd chip--then have that made into a cd at a shop then edit at home and ... too much work and $$ involved for all that right now.

NS-- I painted with crayon. It was a simple small sized landscape. Therefore, to answer the Q NS-- My style has not changed at all, not one iota. My style is still very "Monet-esk".

I do want to do some bed bug gothic stuff for sure and why not: and why shouldn't I paint "the horror story" in that style.

I still have six blank canvasses there, just waiting....

Seeing's how I am now at least, temporirily bed bug free I am taking advantage of it and have been putting things onto the floor again. I have now unrapped all boxes and I undid 75 % of my "high alert" bed bug protocols.

As other have said before me ... it does feel weird to get out of many of the routines I now no longer need. Not to say I'm not ever watchful--multi-unit dwelling and all of that. So I agree with the past experiences of others in "Post bed bugville" It feels weird to go back to doing things with my cloth items especially keeping them, nealry the same as what I had used to do.

Ladies: Thanks for the support!

Willow
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Posted 5 years ago
Mon Jun 25 2007 0:38:10
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Willow,
I am just amazed that you can not have bed bugs right now--not that you managed to get rid of them, but that they aren't still coming from the neighbors on several sides, in a building that took such a half-baked approach... Good for you!
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Posted 5 years ago
Mon Jun 25 2007 9:56:24
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eighth floor corner unit = three less sides to have to worry about.
nightshirt

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Posted 5 years ago
Mon Jun 25 2007 11:04:30
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same here. none of my walls touch another apartment. oh - i do share a kitchen wall with neighbors but never had aproblem there.
downonbugs

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Posted 5 years ago
Wed Sep 5 2007 14:23:04
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Willow, oldie but goodie indeed! I worry about my potential to move on when I get rid of this problem (hopefully for good!). Seeing all these people and hearing their stories has really helped me feel less alone and isolated. As wonderful as my friends are, it's impossible to describe how this affects your life to them. Sometimes I wake up wondering, "THIS is my life?" But yes, it's not cancer or death. I have to stay positive and still try to live as normal as I can. Trust me, it's been very hard at times.
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Posted 5 years ago
Sat Oct 13 2007 17:37:49
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hi downonbugs ... your point about trying to explain this Bed bug infestation to friends is well taken. Nearly everyone I know without bed bugs, got anywhere from uncomfortable--to "Hey WITCHiePOOH "your overeacting!" Some even get mad! Then, when a few got bed bugs and still could "not deal" I had no choice but to drop them off as buddies. They started giving me the eivl eye (if you know what I mean) and all of that.
Who needs that?
So MOVING ON ... for me... meant actually dropping so-called friends and dropping guilt and shame and the anger at them as well as at the bed bugs.
Hard, loosing friends when you've got bed bugs, but a few understood.

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