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Morbid Humor?

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  1. vampiremenionprey

    Joined: Nov '08
    Posts: 147


    Posted 5 years ago
    Mon Jan 5 2009 0:25:26

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    In a prior thread today I made reference to my squeamishly girly side of bed bugs. I use to scream at the sheer sight of them, and god forbid, they move! I would be in hysterics, screaming, ranting, raving.

    My first experience with them (looking back on it now) is all too funny to me. I figured I'd throw in a little humor today and recap the story.

    I brought them home from a hospital, after giving birth to my new beautiful bundle of joy. I was so unexpecting, and delightfully ignorant. After about a week of being home (and still not unpacking my bags from the hospital...just dumping them next to the foot of my bed) I started noticing some bites around my legs, and thought maybe I just had a spider in my FAVORITE loveseat (which I received off of free cycle at least a year prior to getting bites). I spent most of my time on the loveseat as I was waking with the baby in the middle of the night and taking him to the living room to change and nurse him and avoid waking my husband. Most of the time I would fall back asleep until having to get up to take my husband to work. Beings as I thought it was just a spider I did what anyone would do, and shrugged it off.

    After about three weeks of bites, we went on Christmas vacation. We stayed for almost two weeks. Bite free and relaxing. I showed my mother in law the bites and she said she'd never seen bites quite like that (she was a retired RN) but recommended we spray some raid on the loveseat when we got home and vacuumed it out. I did just that.

    A few days later, New Years Eve to be exact, I once again was covered in bites. Worse than what it was prior too vacation. This time they were on my arms, legs, thighs and breasts. I was furious with the "phantom" bites, almost to the point of hysterics. I would sit in the shower and cry, scratching and digging at my skin. This just made my postpartum depression worse (not to mention I was already having a lack of sleep with a newborn to care for. BTW my husband was very helpful, but worked 7-4 manual labor at the time). My sister wanted to come over to celebrate with us, beings we couldn't go out with the baby. I told her about the bites and was at the conclusion that my friend who house/babysat for us while in the hospital had given us body lice. She was not the cleanest of people, physically or hygienically. Excited for company, I rushed to the pharmacy and bought a 23$ bottle of body lice spray for furniture. Sprayed it down, and vacuumed the crap again out of my couch. My sister didn't receive any bites that night while sleeping on the loveseat.

    Now two chemicals into it and still no way to trace where the bites are coming from.

    Come January 7th I went to my mom's to visit for our family Christmas get together. (Wow it's hard to believe it's been almost two years now since I discovered these horrific creatures.)My half-sister was there and came in the room to visit me and my mother while I nursed the baby. I don't speak to this sister because she has a tendency to over exaggerates and blow things out of proportion. Meanwhile I show my mom some of the bites (which are now worse a month and a half into it and covering my body). Immediately Michelle says "Those are bed bugs! OMG you have to throw away everything and move! They will get in the cracks of your shoes, in your books, in your furniture!"

    I look at my mom and rolled my eyes with that "Michelle is at it again" look. She went on to tell me about how they were so bad in her apartment that they walked in after being gone for a week, and they were crawling up their legs. That they were able to save her wedding dress because they kept it in her mom's room (which was always in the 40-50's temp wise) and they don't like the cold, and that her daughter was bitten so badly they had to take her to the hospital, blah blah blah. WHATEVER! I told my mom after she left that she was nuts! I mean common! Bedbugs? HAHA (I wish for once this wouldn't have been like the boy who cried wolf and I would have believed her).

    So I go home laughing about it with my husband, having no clue that these things are breeding under me as I sleep. For the next few days I became obsessive, looking online for bug bites to compare to mine (still blowing off the bed bug bit Michelle had mentioned). Finally I found a page with bites almost exactly like mine. I was flipping out, asking my husband if he could see them or was I nuts. Could it be? My postpartum depression sent me into hallucinations and anxiety attacks to the point that I imagined I had bugs burrowing themselves into my skin and eating me from the inside out? I finally research "bites at night" with Google image, and come across a website that mentioned *GASP* BED BUGS *DUN DUN DUN*

    It said to pull back the tuft of my mattress and look for signs. I figured what they hey I needed to wash my sheets. I had been lazy with doing so since the new responsibility around the house. I did as instructed and spotted 7 live adult comes the funny part...

    I SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL and started frantically dancing around my house looking for something to kill them with. I was too afraid to touch them so I ran around screaming with my hands waving chaotically in the air. Periodically I'd stop so I could go back and see if any of them moved. When they would I'd start panicking and screaming again. This was right before I decided to vacuum the hell out of my bed. I was smart enough to catch one and put it in a glad lock container for ID. I screamed and whined the entire time I spent trying to carefully catch it. Then came the vacuumed of doom. I used the hose attachment and started sucking them all up, and out the other end where the hose connects, they sprayed, all over the bedroom *CRIES* That was it, I was defeated. I called my husband in a panic, who discarded the bed and wooden frame (oh how I do miss that bed). We moved out bug free with almost very little hassle (500 dollars worth of laundry...all of those baby clothes....and a crap ton of sprayed down furniture, the chemical provided by the PCO).

    Unfortunately the baby's "infant acne" on his face, was indeed bug bites from sleeping in our bed. After moving, his face cleared up. That was a good year of sleep...

    Looking back on it all, my reactions, it is pretty morbidly funny, recalling how I ran around my tiny apartment arms flailing, screaming like a wild banshee. LOL -_-
    Does anyone else have any morbidly funny bedbug stories?

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