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Im gonna commit suicide

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  1. BeenBitten

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 9:20:59
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    i am crying so much as im writing this.

    Im gonna fail my medschool exams and my parents said their gonna disown me when i do and its all cause of these bedbugs that prevented me from studying.

    I have marks all over my face and fingers and legs and omg i think i shud jus end it all.

    Ive been praying so much to god

    Take care guys i hope u rly get rid of them cya

  2. losingit

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 10:18:53
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    Beeb Bitten: hang on! For God's sake, please don't do anything foolish/harmful.

    Do you parents know about the bbs? Are you/they getting treated? How do you know you're going to fail your exams? You're in a bad headspace and it's tainting everything. You could very well be doing great at school, it's so freaking hard to use clear judgement when you're feeling 1000% miserable.
    Come on - talk to us here, we'll definitely help you, ok??

  3. losingit

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 10:28:16
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    Hi - I just read some of your previous posts. Have you been to see a dermatologist (not about your excema) but about these new 'bites'? Have you seen any evidence of bbs since you got fumigated? Do you have bedbug sniffing dogs in London?

    Can you try talking to your parents and telling them how much stress you're going through? Maybe if they understand how you feel they'll be more on 'your side' rather than against you, if you know what I mean.

  4. Winston O. Buggy

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 10:35:37
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    Kinda makes you wonder what doctors in impoverished rural and hell hole areas go through, as they tend to the sick in these areas.

  5. SleeplessLafayette

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 10:45:34
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    BeenBitten,

    Please do not do anything foolish. This is temporary. The bugs will eventually go away.

  6. buggyinsocal

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 11:00:36
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    Bed bugs are an absolute menace when it comes to stress; and we've all felt hopeless while we're battling them.

    However, feeling sincerely suicidal might be triggered by the stress of bed bugs, but it's beyond the scope of what we can do here other than to encourage you that it will get better.

    Reach out to someone who's a mental health professional and get the support you need. Please consider contacting the health services center or counseling center on your med school's campus if you don't already have a mental health professional who can help you deal with this stress. As stressful as bed bugs are, they aren't worth your life.

    It doesn't feel like it right now. I know. I remember standing in the doorway finally breaking down into uncontrollable sobs thinking it was never going to be over, I was going to be a pariah for life, I'd infested everyone I know--the level of desperation that bed bugs and their stress can cause is very real and very awful. But your life is worth more than the bugs, and you will get through this. Reach out to friends and family and mental health professionals who can help you manage the stress. If you don't want to seek help through school, please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/).

  7. Nobugsonme

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 12:04:13
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    Since I'm the only one who can email you (as Admin) I will send this to your email also.

    buggyinsocal - 56 minutes ago  » 
    Bed bugs are an absolute menace when it comes to stress; and we've all felt hopeless while we're battling them.
    However, feeling sincerely suicidal might be triggered by the stress of bed bugs, but it's beyond the scope of what we can do here other than to encourage you that it will get better.
    Reach out to someone who's a mental health professional and get the support you need. Please consider contacting the health services center or counseling center on your med school's campus if you don't already have a mental health professional who can help you deal with this stress. As stressful as bed bugs are, they aren't worth your life.
    It doesn't feel like it right now. I know. I remember standing in the doorway finally breaking down into uncontrollable sobs thinking it was never going to be over, I was going to be a pariah for life, I'd infested everyone I know--the level of desperation that bed bugs and their stress can cause is very real and very awful. But your life is worth more than the bugs, and you will get through this. Reach out to friends and family and mental health professionals who can help you manage the stress. If you don't want to seek help through school, please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/).

    As is often the case, I can't say it better than buggyinsocal. I can only chime in.

    PLEASE get help. See the university counseling office. Tell your doctor how stressed and depressed you are. Or call a suicide prevention number.

    It sounds like you are in the UK, and a student, so you have two options as far as phoning: Nightline (there are 34 in the UK and there is likely a branch at your uni or city; you can find one here) and the Samaritans (find out more here).

    Both are highly regarded and can help you by giving you a space to talk. They can also help direct you to local resources.

    Please do not try and deal with these feelings alone, and please do not harm yourself.

    We understand the stress this can cause, but you can get through it and you will enjoy life again. Please do not harm yourself.

    I started and run the site but am "not an expert."
  8. Nobugsonme

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 13:17:23
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    And please let us know you're ok...

  9. paulaw0919

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 13:25:46
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    BeenBitten,
    I just want to say that this WILL NOT LAST FOREVER!!!!! I know it seems like it and I can honestly say that I KNOW what it's like to feel like the world is literally closing in on you, that you feel there's no way out. It will not seem like this forever, I swear!! These bugs are absolutely horrible and I can see it definitely effecting your studies...but DON"T end it all because of this bug please!!!

    I am one person who suffered a long drawn out infestation in my home. I had no where to move to for I own my home. Hubby was gone 10-15 hrs a day at work and at the time my three little ones were all babies! It was long and hard, and at times, very isolating and traumatizing. There were many days that I had the same thoughts that you do right now! My life grew into one huge pound of paranoia issues and I still have some anxiety on a few things even today.
    But I did seek help from a professional. I saw a therapist for many months. At first she truly didn't understand but when I not only explained what I was going through but the details of Complex Post Traumatic Disorder she turned right around and her help was huge blessing!! I was put on Xanex which I took only when I really needed it emotionally and when I could foresee a panic attack coming from the stress.
    Today I thank GOD for seeking help and mentally working soo hard to myself grounded again. I went from mentally thinking "what good am I if I cannot protect my children and get us out of this mess" to "My children are most important and I will endure anything for them and ensure their future is bright." And now I know they would be at total unrecoverable loss without me. Now after bed bugs I (and you!) can enjoy and grab to this wonderful life we are given again! There will be a day where this is all far far behind you.

    Now, my infestation was a long time ago. Yours will be too. Don't blame yourself for your grades not being as good. This will pass and I'm sure your parents will not dis own you. You have sooo much ahead of you, so much more than you could possibly realize. The bugs were here way back in time and that didn't stop people from loving and living life. It's hard right now, it will be in the past!

    Please take the advise above and get a professional to talk to about this at your school. I would even stress to have this professional have some communication with your parents so that they can realize and understand your situation.

    When this temporary set back in your life is over, you will enjoy many new irreplaceable experiences in your future. Please don't harm yourself, seek help and know that there is soo much for you to offer and enjoy.

  10. BBcoukHome

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 13:32:36
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    Hi,

    I would not usually post in this nature but I am in London. I am sure others will vouch for my credentials but I also have resources at my disposal for dealing with bed bugs that others do not.

    Please read your PM and get in touch.

    I appreciate that for some the symptoms of an infestation can be extremely unpleasant and over whelming at the time. I can however testify that there is no such thing as a bed bug issue that can not be over come, understanding what to do and what steps you can take to minimise bites and bite responses often helps. Being strong through this is also essential and it will help with your ability to continue with studies.

    I am available until about 9pm UK time.

    David Cain
    Bed Bugs Limited

  11. dottie

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 13:40:37
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    I cannot read your whole post but hang on. We are pulling for you.

  12. brbugfighter

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 16:08:50
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    Dear BeenBitten

    So much good advice has been given above that I have little to say. But I will tell you what I was thinking yesterday when I broke down crying because I was able to find some solace in these thoughts. Sorry if they sound naive.

    You know when you were little and used to read fairy tales and the princess had to undergo terrible trials and tribulations, overcome spells and incantations, wicked witches and trolls...well bedbugs are THAT part of the story. They are the enemy we need to overcome. They are the dark dungeon in which we are imprisioned. The monster we have to kill.

    In fairy tales, the princess or prince inner strength is tested time and again and most times they need help, be it in the form of a kind fairy godmother or a magic stone or something. Get out there and find the support you need. If your parents are unsupportive, talk to a friend or a counsellor. If the treatments are not working, find a new PCO. Be your own prince or princess and try to look at your woes as a temporary rite of passage to a new day. Brighter days will come. A happy ending.

    Please look forward to the day when you can look back at this bedbug nightmare and say it was tough, but it's over.

    Even the most horrific tales come to an end.

    Have hope and be brave!

  13. bugbattler

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 19:24:02
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    Been:
    Exams can be re-taken, parents don't know everything, this too shall pass - I promise.
    Please take Buggy's advice also talk to a counselor & the university- they may be able to help you on more than one front.
    I know how overwhelming & insurmountable this feels, but you never know what is coming just around the bend - don't let go.
    Please check in & let us know you're alright.

  14. Itchy-Scratchy

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Tue May 5 2009 19:28:00
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    BeenBitten:
    We've all been there. I've had days where I was paralysed by depression and tears. But know that you are not alone, if you need to "talk" we are all here for you.

    My daughter was in college when this whole BB drama began and she, too, flunked out. In fact, because of her allergy to bites, the intensity of tasks involved with treating BBs and the massive stress, she first lost her job, and then flunked out of school. Six months into our battle, my daughter was left with almost nothing. She's been at home for the past few months, trying to recuperate from the trauma of all that has occurred. Her self-esteem has taken a huge hit and I think she's only now starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    I asked my daughter what helped when she flunked-out. She said that she constantly tries to remind herself that she is not a failure as a human being. She also tries to reframe the situation by reminding herself that she is not walking away from school with nothing -- she has gained knowledge and transferrable skills. Her story is not over. And yours doesn't have to be, either.

    You haven't been able to focus on school because of external circumstances. You need to remind yourself that this was not entirely your fault. And you need to explain this to your parents. At first, they likely won't understand (as most non-BB sufferers don't seem to understand the implications at first), but make them understand. Tell them to read this forum. Don't go down without a fight.

    As brbugfighter said, "Have hope and be brave!"
    Kate

  15. Nobugsonme

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Wed May 6 2009 0:54:27
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    I have written to BeenBitten via email (since I am the admin and have access to emails used for registration). First I sent my own message above, and I also wrote again to mention David's offer of local help (since BeenBitten has not logged in, as of now, since posting Tuesday am).

    No word yet. I hope that if anyone hears from BeenBitten, you will let us know, so we won't worry.

  16. bugged18

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Wed May 6 2009 1:32:00
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    Hey Beenbitten

    You wrote one of my favorite topics started please ban me. So funny. We need that here : )

    I know you can get of them. I had given up ( I had complete total chemical failure ) until my Dad started pushing me to keep looking for a solution. I found it here! Jeanette's "4 months bite free steps taken". It works. If the chemicals are not working you have to use DE. It will kill them. Jeanettes method is a gel so it is much safer. I would not use DE despite my chem failure because I was afraid of it.

    Mystery bites, scratch like bites I had those too. That is about 80% better for me now too. All because of hints and clues from here to direct me towards what seems to be some successful research. Check out "how to deal with mite bites ( or bb mystery bites ) for some updates.

    You CAN do it too, it all changed for me in a matter of a couple of months after having them for way over a year. Ask your parents to give you a break... I flunked a lot of classes in school due to too much fun : ). I still graduated it just took a little longer 6 years not 4. No big deal. You are gonna be a great doctor and help lots of people in the future so ask for help for yourself now. Just think "I will hang in there and get through this day and there will be tomorrow and it will be better". No matter what at some point things always turn around you just have to hold on and keep trying new things until they do.

  17. BeenBitten

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Wed May 6 2009 5:01:07
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    hey im ok now kinda...thx guys

    ive pmed david about treatment.

    Tommorows my medschool exam and im trying my best to study whatever i can at this stage.

    Please get back to me David

    Thx alot guys

  18. bed-bugscouk

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Wed May 6 2009 5:03:25
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    Hi,

    I am not at home and thus reading this account, please PM me.

    David

    In accordance with the AUP and FTC (legal requirements) I openly disclose my vested interest in Passive Monitors as the inventor and patent holder. Since 2009 they have become an integral part in how we resolve bedbug infestations in domestic and commercial settings. The patent numbers are GB2463953 and GB2470307.
  19. losingit

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Wed May 6 2009 8:52:17
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    beenbitten: welcome back (in a good way!). I think we were all fairly worried about you. So glad you're feeling a bit better, it does take time, I know. Be patient.

    Best of luck on your exams, fingers crossed you'll ace and get a fab job with a brand new audi and 3 months paid vacation etc etc...

    Let us know how it goes.

  20. Nobugsonme

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Wed May 6 2009 14:11:38
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    HI Beenbitten,

    David is an excellent authority on bed bugs, and you will be in the best hands possible bed bug-wise.

    I really hope you will also consider speaking to someone about your stress and anxiety while you're going through bed bugs. Others here have found this helpful.

    As I said in my emails to you (not sure if you got them), I was quite concerned about you as were others. I am really glad you are okay.

  21. DougSummersMS

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Wed May 6 2009 14:35:43
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    Good Luck on your Exam!

    You are in good hands with David.

    Let us know about your progress.

  22. MidnightSnack

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    Posted 4 years ago
    Fri May 29 2009 22:54:14
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    I am coming in on this one a little late - but ironically, I joined this site just yesterday - and found this particular thread when I Googled "Bed bugs and suicide" - and ended up here again. I am glad to hear that you are feeling better about your situation - and maybe if I let you in on mine, you will feel yet more optimistic about yourself.

    If you are a med student, you obviously have great things going for you and a bright future ahead...BB or not. I Googled those words not necessarily because I was considering suicide right this minute, but because I could understand the urge and was curious to see if others had actually felt this way. I will not go into my whole life history - it reads like a made-for-TV movie. Let me just talk about the past few months. I was in a volatile relationship that began in October 2006. I have finally been able to say the words out loud that both of us were alcoholics. We drank a LOT and did a lot of drugs that only made our clashing personalities come to their worst. We shared the birthday of 7/31 - both Leos - let's just say it wasn't a great situation. He didn't beat me or anything - I had already gone through that with a husband...but I did push him (subconsciously) frequently to the breaking point. The day after Thanksgiving last year, we were both drunk and arguing. He shoved my face into a plate of food - I was walking to the bathroom to clean my face - he pushed me from behind and I went through a 5 foot tall window (it was closed). We lived in an area of our city called Old Louisville - 100-150 yr. old buildings that were maybe 5 feet apart. There was a concrete wall (about 3 feet high) that seperated the walkways between 2 buildings - atop of that wall was an iron bar that had been there since the buildings had existed. The window was 35 feet above the ground - the only thing that saved my life was that I fell onto that bar first (it bent, came out of the concrete casings that had held it fast for over 100 years and fell to the ground - thus alerting the neighbor who called 911) and then bounced the couple of feet to the brick sidewalk. I had a broken elbow, 4 broken ribs, an unbelievable number of cuts and scrapes - there were so many glass fragments literally IN the weave of my clothing that they had to cut all of my clothes off of me in order to not further slice me open by pulling it off. People DIE from heights less than that. Even the ER doctors marvelled at the very fact that I had lived - and with, under the circumstances, so little injury (although I have some crazy scars). I suppose that in the same way that drunk drivers escape the serious injury that their victims incur - I made it through.

    6 months before this happened, I attempted suicide - to which I had given a lot of thought because I previously only associated it with the weak - I had always considered myself to be very emotionally strong - if for no other reason, to simply to make it through a challenging childhood and adolescence. I tossed 30 Seroquil down my throat after a bad fight with my boyfriend. I didn't ask permission, I didn't say anything to anyone - no cry for help - I literally was ready to let it all go and die. I was sure that it would work - but it didn't. I considered jumping off a bridge, but I am terrified of heights, so I don't think that would have worked, although at the time, I really wanted it to. I hate guns - I could never shoot myself - not just because I don't like guns but because I have the worst luck and instead of dying, I would be the one who just managed to f**k myself up bad enough to live as a vegetable instead of the relief of death. Again, I felt like a failure. I was molested as a child (twice by different men). I have been raped 3 times (age 14- taking my virginity, age 17, age 20). I was beaten severely by my husband for 3 years before I finally told him - literally nose to nose, that his choices were to kill me or let me leave. As I suspected, he was a coward at heart and he let me leave (with duress - he spit on my mother).

    My point is - you have a hell of a lot to live for. I was an extremely smart child (IQ 142) but partially due to my circumstances (both parents, divorced and 2,000 miles apart managed to both go to federal prison for manufacturing and distributing methamphetamine years before it was the norm- 1988) I was lost in the system as they say. I felt robbed of a normal life. I WAS robbed of that. I was meant to be so much more than I am. It wasn't my fault, but I suffered the consequences of their actions because I was forced into foster care and group homes from the age of 15 although I had done nothing wrong. I never lived up to my potential and it is partially the fault of my parents and moreso of my own - I never took advantage of the power of my brain. I have made every wrong decision available to me. I suck.

    YOU have the power to take control of your life. I am still very new to the BB thing, but in less than 2 months, I have allowed these lil fu**kers to rule me. My misery is true and complete - and yes, I have considered the thought that the only way out - as usual, was the easy one. My mom (whose life wasn't much better than mine - she and her 4 siblings watched their father try to kill their mother and on failure, killed himself right in front of his children - with a shotgun) always has said that suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    Always remember that no matter how bad you are suffering, there are SO SO SO SO SO SO many people in the world whose lives are SO SO SO SO SO SO much worse than yours - or mine. Count what few blessings you may feel you have. That is the ONLY way that I get myself from day to day. I am an athiest (I believe in evolution and always will - religion doesn't mesh well with that and you aren't going to change my mind so PLEASE don't try) and I am simply trying to make it from one day to the next....as are you. If I can do it - so can you.


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