Got Bed Bugs? Bedbugger Forums » Reader questions (do not fit into other categories)
How do I confront my in-laws.
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veryconcerned
newbite
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 4
Posted 3 months ago
Tue Aug 11 2009 12:57:13
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My in-laws home is completely infested with bed bugs. My mother-in-law is pretty sure she picked up the bed bugs at a hotel stay a couple of years ago. They tried treating them by themselves but it hasn't worked. The infestation has gotten so bad that she can see them on her reclining chair during the day (sleeps in it). They have spread to the entire house and to everyone in her family (father in law, 3 adult brother in laws who reside there). My mother in law watches my kids on occasion and they have witnessed the little critters on her chair in the living room. My mother in law says they have even moved over to the couch. It appears that they have resigned themselves to the problem. They haven't hired any professional help because they think it won't do any good. My daughter was bit during a sleep over there. I promptly washed all of her clothing in hot water and threw away the suitcase. That was 6 months ago and we appear to be bed bug free, but now that the bugs are infested at my in-laws to the point that they are visible during the day I feel we need to intervene. I called an exterminator and he said that my kids could pick them up at her house or even possibly my in-laws could bring them to our house if visiting because the problem is SO BAD! My mother in law won't wear shorts anymore because the bites on her legs are so visible most days.
I think at this point I am going to lovingly going to let my in-laws know that we can't come over anymore and we would feel uncomfortable for them to visit. We would like to see them get proffesional help with the problem and wouldn't even mind offering them a couple of hundred dollars to help with costs if that would express that we really love them, but would like to see them try to take care of the problem.
Does anyone have any suggestions? We really don't want to have the bed bugs spread to our home and we don't see our in-laws taking steps to get rid of them anymore. They seem resigned to the situation, even though they hate it.
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spideyjg
oldtimer
Joined: Jul '08
Posts: 1,405
Posted 3 months ago
Tue Aug 11 2009 13:23:34
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Is your spouse 100% onboard?
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veryconcerned
newbite
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 4
Posted 3 months ago
Tue Aug 11 2009 13:36:23
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He is absolutely on board and feels the same way that I do.
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BuggedInSomerville
junior member
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 65
Posted 3 months ago
Tue Aug 11 2009 13:46:50
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By all means, get professional treatment in there STAT! These are pests that will NEVER leave if you don't have them treated. One of the main reasons bedbugs are set to be such a huge problem is that common-sense treatment techniques are particularly useless in attacking them. You should stress to the in-laws how tricky bedbugs are - how well they can hide, how hard it is to spot them and control them, how rapidly they multiply - and how DIY treatment only makes the problem worse by forcing the bugs into new areas and helping them build resistance, hence the position they've got themselves into. You can't just "resign" yourself to living with bedbugs - they will not hesitate to keep multiplying until they literally cover every inch of a house, as long as there's blood to be got. The exterminator I had visit yesterday told me about one case in which a man resigned himself to the problem because he couldn't afford treatment; by the time he finally realized how futile that would be, there were literally thousands of bugs covering his mattress, with bugs in every book and CD case in his apartment. They won't stop until you address them with profesionals.
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spideyjg
oldtimer
Joined: Jul '08
Posts: 1,405
Posted 3 months ago
Tue Aug 11 2009 14:29:43
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I think your tough love approach is fine. BBs are "The Borg" of the insect world they are relentless and must be destroyed in an all out war. Tell your in laws much as you love them you will not accept these pests are a normal part of life and will go to any lengths to protect your home and children. Surrender is not an option for you.
Perhaps your MIL and FIL are to old to fight the war but someone in there must and based on what you have said the 3 BILs need to take up the charge. Get a professional in there to assess the situation and the 3 BILs can do the prep work. I would anticipate the chair needs to just get mummified and tossed if so heavily infested. Sacrifices must be made in wars. It is a war not a game, not just a minor inconvenience. You want freedom, it costs and isn't easy.
Advanced infestations will require a pro.
Just be blunt and firm about the enemy and the fact you cannot accept the risk level their infested home presents to the rest of the family.
Jim
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Sometimes it can be helpful to write a letter ...
It can help avoid conflict & you can include some useful information...
It sounds like social issues are emotionally driven...
The bed bugs are a pest control problem, but you will need to deal with the family system issues effectively, if you are going to be successful.
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buggyinsocal
oldtimer
Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,130
Posted 3 months ago
Tue Aug 11 2009 14:52:13
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And don't forget to look into the viability of the one time treatment types like Vikane and thermal. If they've reached the point of believing that the bugs can't be gotten rid of, their hopelessness may be easier to manage if they find out that there are options that can get rid of all the bugs in one go.
(Of course, I don't know where you are, and whether they live in a single family home, but if Vikane and/or thermal are options, that might help get them going.)
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DrFrank
junior member
Joined: Jul '09
Posts: 122
Posted 3 months ago
Tue Aug 11 2009 23:45:36
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Get them to do a search for "bed bugs anemia" on google.
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cilecto
senior member
Joined: Aug '08
Posts: 520
Posted 3 months ago
Wed Aug 12 2009 7:22:44
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veryconcerned: Your first concern should be you, your kids and your home. Your MIL is living with three adult males and all have until now chosen not to do anything of this, plus your partner who "now" is "absolutely" on board. Families are messier and more complex than that. You're not guaranteed that an "intervention" with your MIL will be effective, plus, you're not guaranteed that treatment will be 100% effective, at least in the short term. What is very likely is that your ILs will find reasons to appear at your home. Your partner will "have" to go there, your kids will somehow end up there, on occasion, as well.
So, my first focus would be on "defense". Taking the steps to proactively protect your home. Most importantly, focus on your personal "peace of mind" (BBs or no BBs) and that of those you love.
May the force be with you.
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cilecto
senior member
Joined: Aug '08
Posts: 520
Posted 3 months ago
Wed Aug 12 2009 8:41:01
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...whatever traits and habits got your ILs to this point are going to complicate any solution, as well.
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veryconcerned
newbite
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 4
Posted 3 months ago
Wed Aug 12 2009 15:11:33
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So a follow up...I called my mother in law and at she was pretty sad, but understood my concerns. I let her know that there are others out there that are dealing with the problems and have been able to get rid of bed begs (thanks to reading about all of your experiences). I told her it wouldn't be easy or cheap, but it absolutely would be worth it!
They have decided to have a professional come to their home on Friday to give them an estimate and education on how to start dealing with the problem. They are planning on hiring someone. I am so happy, but I know that this is just the start of a very long road. She says this may have just been what they needed to get a jump on this problem. Thanks everyone for your advice. I will probably be checking back.
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spideyjg
oldtimer
Joined: Jul '08
Posts: 1,405
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 13 2009 9:01:39
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Good to hear they are going to take action.
Ya know when I was in the epth of the battle the one most supportive thing I wanted was food.
Many a BB warriors diet went to crap since they were busy every minute with battle plans and action.
When they get in the thick of things bring them disposable plates, and a big container of something.
I took a full day off and made a big pot of pasta sauce and a whole pack of pasta. Come home, microwave while thinking over the next plan of attack, strategize while eating, then got to it.
Jim
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