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Help me! My parents are in denial!!!

(15 posts)
  1. Mizlizkitty

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    Posted 1 month ago
    Tue Sep 26 2017 14:08:07
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    My elderly parents are in denial over their bedbug infestation. This is the second infestation they have had.

    I have barred them from coming over or riding in my car.

    They didn’t want to have to consider spending any money on this!

    We have been in a stalemate. I talked to them today and my father claims thye are all gone “since he’s been spraying”.

    They want things to go back to normal.

    Am I wrong for needing to keep my children and home safe? They are making me feel like a terrible person.

    Also I KNOW this cannot be rectified with some spray.

    I had been there bout a month ago and saw the live bugs so I know what’s going on.

    I have to go back I guess and show them flat out what’s going on. I have a heat company lined up to do the job.

    I am hyperventilating...

  2. Mizlizkitty

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    Posted 1 month ago
    Fri Oct 13 2017 9:05:45
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    Hoping to bump this to the top, i need help friends.

    My elderly parents are in complete denial.

    They claim the bugs are gone, they are not.

    We have had no real interaction for months. They are not allowed to come to my house, they cannot sit in my car, my children cannot go in their car.

    They have come to a place where it’s easier to forego interaction than get treatment.
    It’s like a plateau of comfort.

    I have contacted many pros and have a few lined up.

    They will not agree.

    I am at my whits end.

    What do I do!?!

  3. BigDummy

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    Posted 1 month ago
    Fri Oct 13 2017 9:41:24
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    I'm not sure how fragile the relationship is at this point but is it possible to explain their circumstances to a PCO and both of you speak to your parents in person?

    HVAC/Locksmith/Bed Bug Control for a non-profit homeless shelter and long term veteran housing.
  4. Mizlizkitty

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    Posted 1 month ago
    Wed Oct 18 2017 15:29:27
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    They are not affected at all by the bugs. So in their mind there IS no problem. They go about their day like nothing is wrong and the bites don’t bother them. Our relationship is fine because there is NO PROBLEM, you see. But paying for a PCO will negatively effect them, so they would rather ignore than pay.

    Denial.

  5. BigDummy

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    Posted 1 month ago
    Thu Oct 19 2017 10:22:20
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    Prior to WWII bed bugs were a real presence; and your parent's aren't incorrect, we've lived alongside bed bugs without issue for a very long time.
    Maybe the approach you take is that while the bugs do not negatively affect your parents bed bugs are generally seen as a pest, and they are quite hard to get rid of when compared to other insects. So while they may not be bothered by such a minor inconvenience as bed bugs are to them, others view bed bugs as a far more serious issue, which can be costly to remove and which can cause some fairly nasty psychological damage. Your parents may well be immune to these effects, but the people that they are exposing to bed bugs may not share the same view.

  6. Mizlizkitty

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    Posted 1 month ago
    Thu Oct 19 2017 13:16:31
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    Big dummy you are so nice! Maybe this site is more for me to vent than anything. Why, should they do anything? They don’t think they are a big deal. They cannot be convinced otherwise. I can not force them to do anything. I cannot tell them they are spreading a public health hazard around because in their minds the bugs aren’t an issue.

    The ONLY problem is me. I don’t let them near my house or car. My mother wasn’t invited to lunch today with my mother in law because I won’t have her in my car. She even said “ I guess I can’t go to lunch any more with you guys”. All they see is me leaving them out of things due to my irrational fears.

  7. thirdusername

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    Posted 1 month ago
    Thu Oct 19 2017 22:27:02
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    I sympathize with you Mizlizkitty,
    I have a similar but opposite problem.
    I have bed bugs and am being treated Monday.
    I am worried that if I don't feel they are gone before xmas, I'll have to stay here (I usually travel and stay at my parents, it is too far for a day trip).
    I don't want to isolate myself but I don't want to feel responsible for spreading them.

    I am NOT an expert.
    My opinions are just opinions, they may NOT apply to yours or any situation.
    My advice is to always do a LOT of research.
  8. Mizlizkitty

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    Posted 3 weeks ago
    Mon Oct 30 2017 11:44:10
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    Update. My mother had a medical issue and has been hospitalized the past week. I pretty much laid into my father for delaying and denying issues, I made him agree thta I found any bug so he’d have to call a PCO. Well I went over today and lo and behold, a small nest in my mothers bed, and black fecal matter staining my adult brother’s bed. Horrifying and sickening. This has FORCED him to act.

    He is visiting my mother in the Hospital and I am worried about him bringing them there too, I monitor the area he sits very closely. Granted I doubt he is the first person with bedbugs ever to linger in a NYC Hosptal.

    Long term I worry about their judgment and safety. But that’s for the aging care forum!

  9. BuggingForInformation

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    Posted 1 week ago
    Sun Nov 12 2017 3:43:34
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    For whatever reason, the elderly do not get reactions to bed bugs (meaning bites). Also, if they are blind.

    I would send them somewhere (like a walk in the park) and then heat treat their apartment, and tell them afterwards.

  10. thirdusername

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    Posted 1 week ago
    Sun Nov 12 2017 15:17:00
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    Can you afford to pay for treatment for your parents?
    Maybe they worry it'll cost too much.
    If they get reinfected, they don't seem able to detect bed bugs.

  11. BigDummy

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    Posted 1 week ago
    Mon Nov 13 2017 9:44:49
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    BuggingForInformation - 1 day ago  » 
    For whatever reason, the elderly do not get reactions to bed bugs (meaning bites). Also, if they are blind.
    I would send them somewhere (like a walk in the park) and then heat treat their apartment, and tell them afterwards.

    That would be an epic trek to keep someone away long enough for a heat treatment.
    Can you provide any documentation on the blind and elderly not reacting to bed bugs? Not sure how an optical problem can influence skin.

  12. Mizlizkitty

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    Posted 1 week ago
    Thu Nov 16 2017 12:37:59
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    3 months from my discovery in August and still no action.

    I have offered to at least FRONT the money for the treatment then they can pay me back in time. They are like.. “well, we’ll see”.

    They have Zero interest in resolving this. We all go on with our lives normally except we have no physical interaction.

    The ONLY thing I’m waiting for is their tenant to start getting bit. I have been warning them that this may happen then their hands will be forced.

    They are your kick the can down the road variety people.

  13. loubugs

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    Posted 1 week ago
    Thu Nov 16 2017 18:41:04
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    BigDummy - 3 days ago  » 

    BuggingForInformation - 1 day ago  » 
    For whatever reason, the elderly do not get reactions to bed bugs (meaning bites). Also, if they are blind.
    I would send them somewhere (like a walk in the park) and then heat treat their apartment, and tell them afterwards.

    That would be an epic trek to keep someone away long enough for a heat treatment.
    Can you provide any documentation on the blind and elderly not reacting to bed bugs? Not sure how an optical problem can influence skin.

    Not all elderly people are like this; some may react to bed bug saliva. It appears that in some cases the immune system of elderly doesn't react to certain stimuli, sort of a low response. But in some younger people there can also be a low response. I have a very low response and have had for over 25 years since rearing them. Blind people can react. The problem here not experiencing a bite reaction in blind people, but that they can't see the bed bugs and don't realize they have a problem. Itching from what are bed bug bites might be ascribed to something else such as mosquito or flea bites. There might be skin lesions and no itching, but these lesions aren't seen and therefore aren't correctly identified.

    Professional entomologist/arachnologist. I consult on all matters dealing with insects and arachnids, including those of natural history and biology to pest management and forensic entomology investigations.
  14. loubugs

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    Posted 1 week ago
    Thu Nov 16 2017 18:45:06
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    Mizlizkitty - 6 hours ago  » 
    3 months from my discovery in August and still no action.
    I have offered to at least FRONT the money for the treatment then they can pay me back in time. They are like.. “well, we’ll see”.
    They have Zero interest in resolving this. We all go on with our lives normally except we have no physical interaction.
    The ONLY thing I’m waiting for is their tenant to start getting bit. I have been warning them that this may happen then their hands will be forced.
    They are your kick the can down the road variety people.

    There's the possibility that the tenant will complain and might complain to agencies that will force your parents to comply and/or face fines. Your parents are also losing you and other relatives and friends and will be forced into isolation because people don't want to get bed bugs from their visitations.

  15. Mizlizkitty

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    Posted 1 week ago
    Thu Nov 16 2017 19:27:21
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    Thank you. I am clear headed and motivated, but lack any authority, legal or emotional to get them to comply. I wait. They have accepted my isolation. It’s better than dealing with the bugs as far as they’re concerned which is sad.


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