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Friend has bedbugs? What to do?

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tammykay

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Posted 5 years ago
Wed Jun 13 2007 12:24:25
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HI Everyone. Here is my story. I am afraid of bugs in general, and I recently discovered that the guy I am dating has bed bugs in his house. I had on 2 occassions noticed one crawling on his bed. And I once saw a round flat bug inside his luggage. I struggled with informing him of my thoughts about this, as he seems not to notice or care. Becuase he already has eczema he attributes any itchy pump or rash to his condition. The other day however I informed him of my findings and told him that I would no longer feel comfortable being in his house. Prior to this he had no idea that he had a bed bug infestation. I offered to help him find an exterminator or do what I can can to assist but he does not see this as a priority at all. I feel so horrible about this, but he has taken to coming to my home more often. Now, I am very concerned about getting bed bugs in my own home. I have not noticed any. And my matress has always been encased in plastic. I also vacuum my room frequently and inspect his clothes when he comes by. Even still I am not comfortable with this situation. How can I get him to see the importance of this issue and to do something about it? I am on the verge of breaking up with him.
ofallthebeds

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Posted 5 years ago
Wed Jun 13 2007 12:40:17
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Hi Tammykay,

Well, all I can suggest is that you inform yourself, perhaps provide him with some information on what having bedbugs is all about and how it can be spread if not controlled. I have realized in my short battle with BBs that a lot of people are not informed and this is what causes a lot of problems.

Ask him to hear you out and tell him that you are doing this because you care about him but that it is important that he do something because it is something that can affect you, his friends, family, anyone that he comes in contact with because he is not taking necessary precautions.

It almost is like talking to an addict and trying to make them realize they need help. The first step is for him to realize that he has a problem. If you can see them just hanging around... then he must definitely have a problem.

Of course, before all of this... are you 100% sure it is a bedbug? He needs to get a PCO (Exterminator/Pest Control) in there ASAP. I don't know where in this relationship you two are... but perhaps you could ask him to have a professional come in and take a look. Just to rule anything out. If he lives somewhere rented, depending on what city/stae he lives in, the landlord can take care of it (I hear this varies by location).

I hope he listens... this is not something to be taken lightly... I am currently living on about 30 pieces of clothing I keep in various ziploc bags (this is including socks and underwear!) which I am washing and rotating until I get time to wash the 8-9 30 Gallon garbage bags I have filled with my clothes. And from what my PCO and I think I don't have it that bad... I cought it early thanks to my horrible reaction to bites. I am very sensitive to them... but he needs to ACT NOW!

I really feel for you because this can't be easy... especially when you care about someone. But there is nothing else you can do if he decides to not do a thing... and you will have to make a decision to either stay or go.

Best of luck to you!
BBsBlow

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Posted 5 years ago
Wed Jun 13 2007 13:29:05
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You can have him come to this forum!

Seriously, it IS a big deal, and the longer he waits, the worse the problem can become. He's putting you in "danger" since he's not taking care of his own property. All is takes is one pregnant, hitchhiking female...
Anonymous

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Posted 5 years ago
Wed Jun 13 2007 13:51:08
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Hey Tammy, I'm so sorry, this must be very tough. But in this situation, the first question you should be asking is whether you are allergic to the bites or not. It will be very important to know. Bedbugs can hide very well and someone who is not allergic will not know until they are seen (which may happen only after they are well established).

If you stayed at your boyfriend's place and saw a bug on his bed, were you bitten or not? Chances are high that you were if you slept in his bed. This is not intended to freak you out. But it would be the first question on my mind. If indeed you are not allergic to the bites, visual inspection may not be enough. You might need a professional inspection.

He probably isn't allergic either, but right now you need to be a little selfish.
tammykay

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Posted 5 years ago
Wed Jun 13 2007 14:10:34
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Thank you gys for your response. I am a bit freaked out. I have spent the night at his house on two occasions in the past and had used a flash light to inspect the bed through out the night, as I could not sleep. I did not see any bugs though, and I assume that I am not allergic to their bites. But I will only hang out with him out doors now, because I am so nervous that they might get in my apartment.
nightshirt

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Posted 5 years ago
Wed Jun 13 2007 16:10:47
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indoord, outdoors, doesnt really matter al though inside an infested apartment you would be more likely to get them. outside he culd have an egg on his clothes which could hitchhike onto your clothes (via clothes contact) and you could bring it hom and start your own colony.

that is why so many of us here have nixed a get together.
Nobugsonme

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Posted 5 years ago
Thu Jun 14 2007 1:08:35
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Tammy,
Welcome, but sorry you're here (you know what I mean).
It's something to take seriously. As you'll see from recent posts on the blog, it appears to be really common for men not to be allergic to bed bugs. He may or may not be--the eczema may mask it as you say. And many women here who are allergic are thought to be acting "crazy" when they talk about bed bugs, and work overtime implementing techniques to stop them.
The truth is, they're not crazy, this is just a weird bug. Stealthy, not affecting everyone. If you've seen more than one bug, he has a LOT. You may do too. You need a careful PCO's inspection as hopelessnomo said.
The best thing might be to copy some posts here and also some articles which mention the bed bugs special qualities, and their photos--so he can see you are not making this up.
I suggest these:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/15/realestate/15cov.html?ex=1318564800&en=8dc4d8aee18c0329&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

and

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/04/opinion/nyregionopinions/04CIfriedman.html?ex=157680000&en=035b0a55844e24a9&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

The author of the last article was a member of the yahoo Bedbugger group, and I believe, I believe was also a (silent) reader of the Bedbugger blog.

This FAQ was written for people who ARE bitten and have friends or roommates or relatives who are not, but the information may help:

http://bedbugger.com/2007/03/14/faq-why-am-i-being-bitten-and-my-housemate-partner-friend-isnt/

Finally, he should realize if he is renting a house or apartment or if he owns a unit in a multi-unit building that he is responsible for reporting a bed bug infestation. Not doing so can mean it spreads to others and/or that the infestation gets so bad it takes a LOT of money and time to treat. If he owns a house this may cost him a fortune and mean he can't sell it if/when he wants to. Others (at work, friends, relatives) may also become infested, not just you. This is serious. Even if he won't be legally liable to others, he should feel responsible.

Hope that helps!