Ethical issue, Need advice(5 posts)
I started going out with nice guy from church and I'm wondering if I should tell him about the BB.
BB came in May, last bite in Aug. I had 6 treatments and 2 entomologists that gave me the all clear. No bugs in sight. I am still keeping my clothes in bags. Ordered CDC3000 unit just to make sure.
I haven't had him to the house yet, just really don't know what to do. Have experienced rejection by some friends when I told them. I would appreciate any feedback on what to do. Thanks.
It's been three months, I imagine it would be safe to have him in the house. Unless your house looks like my house (plastic bins, bags, the smell of mothballs everywhere) then he might think you're crazy - lol.
I don't think you are obligated to tell him about it. I'm sorry you've had friend rejection, that's awful! I don't see why people would react that way - that's just mean. If this guy is nice (dating worthy) he will be understanding and appreciative of your willingness to talk to him about it.
Good luck girlie - it sounds like things are going well w/ your suitor
I personally feel that you should be honest. If you want to start a relationship off on the right foot, honesty is always the best policy. If he truly cares about you, he will not shun you. He could be your best ally in your fight to stay away from the bedbugs. That's only my opinion.
I vote for telling him--if not right away, pretty early on. Here's why. Certainly, you're under no ethical obligation at this point to tell him so that he doesn't get infested. At three months out, you're past the 55 day mark on activity, and chances of him getting infested at your place are as low as him getting infested at someone else's (whose never had them) place.
However, will you really have a totally honest and open relationship with him if you don't tell him about this major life event that you just went through? I don't think for anyone whose been through bed bugs, we'd consider it a minor thing, and not telling someone you're serious about something major that happened to you that's really affected your life seems to me like a bad plan--after all, can you really explain who you are and what you're like by leaving this out?
Everyone is different, and maybe you're okay with that. A friend of mine once told me that I seem particularly prone to talking about whatever shiny new topic has captured my interest, even though we both work in a field where people are esp. inclined to do that. So my expectations may not square with other peoples'. But even though I would be nervous to tell someone I'd just started dating about the bugs, I know that they weren't because I was dirty or morally bad, and I wouldn't personally want to date someone who couldn't be convinced to see logic on that issue (since if the person couldn't be convinced to see logic on that front, what other really important issue would the person not be able to see logic on later on.)
Of course, that all assumes that you're serious about this person, which if you're not, I guess it doesn't matter.
All I know is that I wouldn't be comfortable not telling someone I was dating. I might not mention it on the first or second or third date, but I certainly would in the first month at some point once I decided I was serious about pursuing a relationship with the person in question, not because I felt an ethical obligation to fully disclose about it to anyone in your apartment at any point, but because I wouldn't want to date someone who couldn't learn about a topic like this.
If you tell him about the bedbugs, it increases the intimacy of your relationship when you can share something like that. If you don't tell him, you will always be a tiny bit guarded in your home, on alert.
He might have his own bedbug stories!
In general I have not told people who aren't very close to me or don't have a need to know. There is so much judgment about people with bedbugs. Also, if someone knows you have bedbugs and then they get bedbugs from a hotel or wherever, they still might think they got "your" bedbugs. If this guy is understanding, you will like him even more. If he is judgmental, better that you learn it now.
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