Got Bed Bugs? Bedbugger Forums » Uncategorized
dreams and sleeping habits since the bedbugs came
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purplebugladee
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Joined: Nov '07
Posts: 15
Posted 2 years ago
Tue Dec 11 2007 0:13:14
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I personally have been dreaming various bedbug dreams almost every night. Some make sense, some don't but they have taken over my dream state. I can't go to sleep without taking my Ambien; when I told the Dr. that I finally unlocked the secret of my rash (bedbugs) I asked for Ambien. She gave me a years supply of prescriptions, bet she was feeling the creepy crawly feel. Thing is, they are just a bug and one that hasn't bit me for almost 3 weeks. I know they can still be around....I caught 2 live ones almost 2 weeks ago but they are not in everything like they were over 2 months ago when we finally figured out what was going on. It can't ever be as bad as it was so long as I keep tabs on their activity, isolate my bed, clean and bag, have treatments, follow most of the protocols from this blogs FAQ's. So why has my once comfortable refuge (sleeping in my bed) now such a dread requiring sleeping pills to even contemplate going to sleep in it? Why do I check every spot of my house, my room, my bed, everyday? I wasn't like this before. My house is not the refuge it once was and I hate waking up in the middle of the night to have to pee and wondering if this is the night I step on one of those little vampires and bring it in to bed with me, or find one walking on me or worse, biting me. I know what I am describing is OCD and seems quite psychotic yet I notice many here feel the same way. Does it ever get better? Do the bugs go away? Will I ever accept they are gone and be able to feel normal again? Will I ever stop having itchies, tinglies and bug crawlie feelings when there are no bites or bugs around (and yes, I check myself constantly). And how could I be so OCD about this when my boyfriend isn't fazed at all and he lives here also? I WAS NOT LIKE THIS BEFORE THE BEDBUGS CAME! I was calm and rational and slept well! How many of you can relate? How many got past this? How many think I need a therapist?
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dinner
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Joined: Nov '07
Posts: 37
Posted 2 years ago
Tue Dec 11 2007 0:48:08
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I was reading a post the other day that was talking about how these are just bugs. And while I was on the subway ride home, I thought to myself: well, cancer is just a mutated cell, and AIDS is just a virus, but these things infiltrate our lives and destroy our sense of trust in the place we spend our most intimate and vulnerable moments (as well as half our lives.) Our reality is not one of dealing with pests, 9/11 invasions, killing our own meat. We do not live in the world of homelessness, poverty, or desperation. We have computers. We reach out to others for support. We have jobs and families and boyfriends and hope and futures. This is so alien to us that it can make us question our sanity. Those that think we are crazy can go straight to hell in my extremely strong and dramatic opinion. I think a therapist is great for most people, you know, we've all got issues on a personal level, but JEEZ PEOPLE, they are sucking our BLOOD in the NIGHT. This is a big deal, but we are trying to support each other and get through it. You will not have these forever, but you have them now and so do we and these awesome people have laid out all of their mistakes so we don't have to make them.
This experience has definitely changed my life, though. And I am looking super-forward to not being aware of every hair on my body. -
dinner
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Joined: Nov '07
Posts: 37
Posted 2 years ago
Tue Dec 11 2007 0:49:23
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PS
my roommate dreamed she had a bed bug in her teeth, and she hasn't been bit ONCE.
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I had a few bed bug dreams in my day. You may be pleased to know, I can't remember what they are. You WILL get past this.
Remember that you are dealing with a real stressor. Even though it's "just a bug," it is inconveniencing you. To heck with people who say otherwise, it's affecting your health. Thank God it isn't 9/11 or cancer or AIDS, but for a brief period, the stress is real. Some people fight long and hard and have to move. Money can be a real problem for many, too. And often our relationships are strained because the other person does not react to bites, and thinks their partner is overreacting, or allergic to detergent, or what-have-you. The stress is real.
You are worried about picking up a bed bug and tracking it back to bed, presumably because you isolated the bed. Isolating helps a lot of people relax at night, but it also puts some pressure on you to be "perfect," in keeping the bed fully isolated; perfection is impossible. Don't be too hard on yourself!
It's also worth noting that lots of bedbuggers have seen therapists to help them deal with their bed bug experience either before or after. In the latter situation, two bedbuggers known to me were told that bed bugs had brought about Complex PTSD. For one of those people, anger was a symptom of the stress disorder (as it appears to be in PTSD).
If bed bugs are screwing up your life beyond the bags and the laundry and the repeated upheavals to your day-to-day life and finances, and it is stressing you out, it's worth considering. (And please note, I'm not saying you need to see a therapist! Just that others have, and found it helpful.)
On the other hand, I think we've all had our low points with bed bugs, and it may help just to know you will come through. And we're all here if you need us.
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buggedmama
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Joined: Nov '07
Posts: 195
Posted 2 years ago
Tue Dec 11 2007 10:52:03
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I hear you. I've never been diagnosed with OCD, but it runs in my family, so I wouldn't be surprised if part of these feelings have to do with that. When you said, "Why do I check every spot of my house, my room, my bed, everyday? I wasn't like this before. My house is not the refuge it once was and I hate waking up in the middle of the night to have to pee and wondering if this is the night I step on one of those little vampires and bring it in to bed with me, or find one walking on me or worse, biting me." This is how I feel every night, too, even though I haven't seen a bug or been bitten in weeks. And, "Does it ever get better? Do the bugs go away? Will I ever accept they are gone and be able to feel normal again? Will I ever stop having itchies, tinglies and bug crawlie feelings when there are no bites or bugs around (and yes, I check myself constantly). And how could I be so OCD about this when my boyfriend isn't fazed at all and he lives here also?" is the same here. He saw the bugs with his own eyes, but I know he's not thinking about them every time he walks in the house, every time he sits on the couch, climbs into bed, scratches an itch, picks up something that has fallen on the floor.
I don't know when it will end. For me, I think I will have to go at least a year without bites or other evidence of bugs before I believe that they are gone. And who knows, by then, maybe they'll just be back by some other route?
Sorry I have only commiseration, but no advice. I'm sure I could use a therapist, but who can afford one with all we spend on laundry and Ziplocs?
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BuggedOut
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Joined: Aug '07
Posts: 40
Posted 2 years ago
Tue Dec 11 2007 11:33:11
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One week and a half into the move and I'm still itchy and ziplocked. Last night I dreamed that the PCO came by to spray again. So yeah, these stupid things do cause mental anguish and get in your head.
The effect of these bugs on me has amazed me as well. I experienced all the same feelings that purple has, including the surprise that something could affect me so badly. I'm not normally a phobic person either. My infestation experience has shed light on some OCD tendencies I was not previously aware I had (at least, not to this magnitude), but I prefer to consider myself "detail-oriented" or cautious, haha. My loved ones def don't stress it the way I do but that's fine. I went into full-on panic mode when I found out I had bugs; I'm happy if they don't freak out the way I did (in my defense, sleep deprivation will do that to you).
That said, I would definitely NOT put this on par with AIDS or cancer. It's stressful, it's a lot of hard work, it's GROSS, but it really is 'just a bug' at the end of the day. Feel free to disagree.
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dinner
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Joined: Nov '07
Posts: 37
Posted 2 years ago
Tue Dec 11 2007 12:35:23
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Seriously, I am one for the drama. But it's the way it permeates our mind that draws the parallel. Not the gravity of the situation, you know? I know those bugs don't carry disease (or I should say, they don't transmit disease) and that the amount of blood they take would not likely cause an illness leading to death, or any physical problem other than the hives and the dermatitis, but point being (because I do love to defend myself) the bugs are just doing their thing. They are just a process, a life form spending every second of it's day surviving. And like these other much more serious situations, the viruses, the mutated cells, are just there doing their thing, and our lives tend to be up-ended in the effort of dealing with them. Most people are able to compartmentalize their worlds, but these little devils can make me question my work (am I spreading them? Is someone bringing theirs in?) my play (do you think going to the movies is a good idea, those seats, you know. . . ) and my rest. I don't just see pigeons anymore, I see bird bugs. I don't sit on the subway without wondering if someone else might have them. I certainly don't think people who bring their laundry in plastic bags are free of them. I get a little calmer with every day I don't get bit. But not only do I need a therapist, I need a safe place to live to get over this. Thanks for putting up with my theatre, though, you all have been very diplomatic.
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lieutenantdan
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Joined: Apr '07
Posts: 1,162
Posted 2 years ago
Tue Dec 11 2007 13:25:50
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We understand much about the enemy and we choose to fight and that is good. Having to deal with bbs is such a surreal thing that many who have not cannot understand, I was one of those people once. We are in the midsts of a battle to get back our lives and keep our valuable possessions. If at war would one be considered as having OCD if that person fired a machine gun hour after hour, no it would be viewed as that person is defending his or herself. We do not battle with machine guns we use chemicals, DE, steamers etc... but it is similiar in that we are defending ourselves against an enemy that is trying to destroy us.
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Hi guys, I am a final year university student studying product design at University of the West of England, and as my individual project for my last year I am basing it around bed bugs.
In the UK there has been a massive out break over the past few years, with reported cases increasing by as much as 500%!
I am currently at the research stage of my project and would like to ask if anyone would be willing to answer soem questions I have, regarding their exprience with bed bugs.
I have read through many of your posts, but unfortunately it only serves as secondary research and I need some primary research as evidance of bed bugs victims needs.
Thank-you for taking the time to read my post and any help you can offer will be greatly appreciated
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purplebugladee
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Joined: Nov '07
Posts: 15
Posted 2 years ago
Tue Dec 11 2007 21:43:12
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Thank you all for your support! lieutenantdan- I can relate to your war analogy! I know things will improve and it definitely is not on par with facing cancer or HIV. I just have these weak moments and it is great to at least have a safe, bite free cyber (if not physical) world over here!
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lieutenantdan
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Joined: Apr '07
Posts: 1,162
Posted 2 years ago
Wed Dec 12 2007 10:18:34
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purplebugladee,
yes many are in the middle of a crisis and until some better chemicals or methods are discovered and the government that is supposed to help it's people acknowledges the problem and steps in with support we will see this epidemic continue to escalate.
NYC is doing very little about bed bugs. Bloomberg is always looking for a way to sponge more money out of New Yorker's and giving very little in return and when it comes to bed bugs nothing at all. It is truely a shame.
You have weak moments and that is normal, we have all been through much with this bed bug crap.
When the going gets tough the tough fight and fight we must and win we must we do not have an option. -
itchyincharmcity
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Joined: Nov '07
Posts: 262
Posted 2 years ago
Wed Dec 12 2007 13:47:59
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hi kong. WHat exactly do you have in mind? If you post a survey I'm sure a lot of people will answer it. Or do you want to do individual interviews?
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hi itchyincharmcity, I have a sample of questions that if could be answered by board members would be of great help, they are in the thread I created, titled -
Student studying product design, basing my final year project on bed bugs
(Editor's note: please go to THAT thread to discuss further.)
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purplebugladee: it does get better! I've had 2 bedbug dreams, only one of which I can remember-- there was a giant bedbug crawling on my arm, and I was horrified. I wasn't sleeping through the night, and when I did manage to sleep, I would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night and turn the lights on and look for bed bugs. I was paranoid about touching the walls surrounding the bed while I was sleeping, and I would have to turn the lights on to go to the bathroom at night.
Now, I sleep comfortably, I don't worry about my arm grazing the wall, I go to the bathroom without turning on the lights, and it's ok if I fall asleep with a book in the bed. I used to not touch the bed unless I was wearing 'bed clothes' and these bed clothes could not be worn to sit on the sofa etc., but now, it doesn't matter.
The last time I had a bite was in July, but I didn't know for sure that I didn't have them anymore, so it took a few months after that for me to be comfortable in my place again. Even after 55 days had passed, I was still worried, even though I hadn't seen any signs of them. Gradually, I became less stringent. I still had some clothes in bags, but started leaving the bags open--in the early days that caused me to panic: 'oh my god, I forgot to close the bag! I left it open for 12 hours, what if a bug got in?' but later on, I felt ok about it. A few weeks after that I unpacked the clothes and put them back in the closet.
I used to have really negative and irrational thoughts like 'What if I NEVER get rid of them?' and I would imagine myself living for ever with bed bugs, and that was just not helpful at all, and made me feel even worse, but it's hard to stop negative thoughts sometimes. And I seriously thought that I would NEVER feel totally comfortable in my apartment again and that I would always keep my clothes in bags, but I do feel safe now and comfortable. It just took a while. I do think that I will always carry this experience with me though, I can still remember the despair I felt etc. and whenever I go anywhere on trips, or if I move, I will be aware to the possibility of bed bugs.
I had dinner at a restaurant a couple weeks ago and on my plate was a lone seed or grain and for a brief moment I thought to myself, 'That looks like a bed bug'. It wasn't a panicky thought, just an observation and it made me laugh at myself, but I didn't feel scared. And I hope that if it does ever happen again I won't feel quite as bad because I've been through it once, and survived. And you will too!
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pleasehelp
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Joined: Oct '07
Posts: 301
Posted 2 years ago
Thu Dec 13 2007 12:44:05
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Congratulations, bbto! It's heartening to hear of success. How did you do it?
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cosbear
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Joined: Nov '07
Posts: 75
Posted 2 years ago
Thu Dec 13 2007 14:03:31
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Howdy All:
I too have had bb related dreams. I don't usually remember much of my dreams but I have found myself waking up and realizing I was dreaming about something related to them. More about searching for them, cleaning, doing laundry and the like. Can't remember any that actually had a bb in them or being bitten in one. Any time something in my life is taking a lot of my time and focus, I find myself dreaming about it. Why not bbs, they are causing a great deal of trauma and stress in our lives. My roommate has bb nightmares that wake him up and he doesn't even react to bites at all. He has been a part of the clean up and obsessive compulsive regimes however and helped with the financial burden it has caused.
I originally had a very bad infestation in an apartment building. They were real bad before we knew it. In both beds and the living room furniture. We were treated weekly for months and still were not free of them until we got rid of the box springs on one bed and the living room furniture. In retrospect if we knew what we know now back then we could have probably saved the box springs at least. After that it took just a few days before the bites and sightings stopped. We went two or three months without bites or sightings. Finally we bought some new living room furniture. Within a few days I found bugs on the new couch. They had come from next door which was corroborated in several ways. Not wanting to throw out the new furniture and the fact that winter had just really gotten started we wrapped the new furniture in strong plastic sheeting and sealed them well with duct tape. Then put them out on the balcony for the entire winter.
We moved down to Kentucky this spring and finally opened the furniture up and started using it again. Turns out that though we seemed to manage not moving any other bugs that frozen couch had brought bbs into our new place. I had calmed down enough after being bug free for 6 or 7 months that my guard was back down somewhat and I didn't realize it in time until the couch had them pretty bad, adults and nymphs. I felt like an idiot.
So back to the obsessive/compulsive routines. I would have never thought that after how horrifying the first infestation was that I would ever be the same again. Amazingly though I had really come a lot further back towards living a normal life than I had thought. Though somewhat sorry I did as my relapse into normalcy had almost let me set myself up for another bad infestation. The good news is I did catch it in time, and have managed to get things under control. No sightings or bites now for over a month. I still turn on the lights when I go to the bathroom at night and check my feet and legs bedside when I return to my safe bed.
I am starting to get less O/C about it again already but all the while knowing that I must still be vigilant for months to assure myself that I won't let it get out of control again. Luckily I do have strong reactions to bites so I will always be overcautious about anything itchy or out of the ordinary about that. That also helped me to track down the stragglers and eliminate them though.
So I have seen it from all sides. I can say that I will never be the same again, but obviously can come close, once they are out of sight and mind. I'm trying to find a happy prudent middle line now. As much as I would like to stop worrying and go back to business as usual, I know that it has to be business as what is usual now. Not as usual before bbs. There is no way that I can let my guard down anywhere near that much, as I still have at the least another 11 to 17 months that I need to be vigilant. Now that I live in what appears to be a safe building, where the tenants have been exposed to bb info and methods and seem to be on guard. I still do live in an apartment building and as long as I do, I must always be vigilant. There is hope though. I know it's hard to believe when everything is so crazy to imagine it, there is recovery, maybe not without some scars mental and dermal, but recovery. Later... cos
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