today my dog, she has always been like a therapy dog. she began sniffing the wall next to my bed (she never randomly sniffs things). i have only been here 2 weeks, can find them nowhere, living like a monk, but am being bitten as is she. is she onto something. could they have gotten in the wall that quick? move my furniture around to inspect it, nothing. maybe this drove them into the wall. i need to use the hairdryr again on the floorboards of that wall.
i think this is where they are living. the b*stards are no match for my scent hound. i will tell the pco when he comes thurs. it seems to smell a lot here as it didn't in my last place (and bites itched less). have they morphed into super bedbugs? is it best i just abandon everyhing?
i have not isolated my bed yet though i desperately need sleep--waiting till a few nights after the pco comes to continue to be bait. slept during the day today.
losing my mind...
spoke to therapist today about hospital...perhaps a little while after next treatment. i thought of suicide the other day seriously, the lack of sleep is killing me.
next option is up and move and leave everything behind.
No No No Beth, this cannot rise to the level of suicide. The bugs are supposed to die, not you.
You must sleep. Stay at a friend's; sleep in the car; take a train ride; hide out at work till everyone's gone home; go to the library, philosophy section, and put your head down in an open book; whatever.
If you haven't had a treatment in your place yet, you don't have to act as bait.
Morphed into superbedbugs, I like that.
If you are feeling suicidal now or in the future, please tell a professional and get help immediately, and please do not harm yourself.
Call your doctor (or therapist, since you have one).
Or go to an emergency room.
You can also call a hotline. In the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK
Anyone (worldwide) can email or phone the Samaritans. They are highly regarded and can help you by giving you a space to talk. They can also help direct you to local resources.
Please do not try and deal with these feelings alone, and please do not harm yourself.
Suicide: Read this First may also help.
We understand the stress this can cause, but if you have bed bugs, you can get through it and you will enjoy life again.
I don't know if your dog has located bed bugs, but I would recommend working on isolating your bed... You will still be acting as bait, but you should be able to reduce or eliminate the bites...
A set of Climb Up Interceptors might help capture a specimen for your PCO to identify.
Work with your therapist to help deal with the suicidal thoughts... Try to identify resources and avoid becoming socially isolated...
It is hard to feel safe during an infestation... It is not as hopeless as it feels at times... Find a good PCO and work with them to defeat the bugs
Please remember that you are NOT ALONE. Despair was my first reaction, and if I hadn't reached out who knows where I'd be now. Do not lose hope...we all have hope this will end (or at least change for the better) someday soon. There is research being done. More people are becoming educated about bedbugs as this epidemic spreads. Do NOT let this consume your life. You are better than that.
Take things day by day, and remember to take good care of yourself no matter how shitty you may feel. Eat right. Get exercise. Get sunlight. Take your vitamins. You need to stay strong in order to win this battle, and trust me, you WILL WIN. Get sleep, talk to friends/family, and remember that your doggy needs you!
sympathies for what you're going through. and let me just add my agreement to all thats been already said by others - it DOES feel hopeless for awhile, but it GETS BETTER. sleep is absolutely necessary for that to occur. at this point, anything you can do (baits suggestions were all good ones) to get some sleep is necessary for your sanity. and Doug is totally right -the climbups will allow you to be 'bait' without all the bites, once your bedframe, boxspring, and mattress are cleared. Read the isolation fAQs about showers, pajamas, wiping feet, etc - but once you can clean and isolate your bed and get some sleep, you'll feel lots more in control. i know money is tight, so if the climb ups are just too much to afford right now, PM me - i have some extras i can send.
and hang in there. bed bugs are an ENORMOUS stressor -the lack of sleep, lack of control, overwhelming prep, and loss of social life combine to create an almost a perfect recipe for feelings of depression. feeling hopeless right now doesn't make you weak or crazy, but you should be confident that it WILL get better. almost all of us here felt hopeless in the beginning, and personally -i was a little (ok, maybe a lot) nuts before i finally isolated my bed and could get decent sleep. i was constantly anxious, exhausted, overwhelmed, and actually burst into tears in front of some colleagues. a few weeks later, once i was sleeping, i was able to begin coping much better. you need sleep.
also, if your dog getting bitten is an additional source of stress and despair (it was for me) you can partially isolate her bed as well -its not a perfect solution, but it cuts down on the bites. (my dog went from 14 bites in a week to just a few). again, PM me and i can point you to my post about isolating a dog bed, or search for it on the search box.
i'm so sorry you're going through all of this, but know you're not alone.
thank you everyone.
i know my ocd/depressin cycle and the depresion has taken over. it's been bad anyway for a year. i can't stop pacing, having intrusive thoughts. i would love those intercptors. just sold my bike (not in apt) to make treatment. the one thing not infestedgone. wow. it's all going.
i spoke to my t again today crying hysterically. i actually did sleep some last night, but it all doesn't seem to matter. the depression has taken over and i have needed meds and iron pills a long time. i m chemically sensitive so trying them alone terrifies me. so tomorrow unless there is a miracle, after treatment i amoff to te hospital. i know i have to be "bait". i can't do it. i am approachin psychosis..it will be enough to make it to tomorrow. this also means giving away my dog of 5 years to posiblybe euthanized. i just...can't clean her and me and the house, no one to take her in. she spreads the eggs everywhere, can't stop itching.
i scared myself on sat., deciding to die, started writing a note. i don't knowwhat happened, something just snapped. it was no longer thoughts it was like a decision. i remember saying days before to myself after finding out the bugs had followed me "if one more thing goes wrong i will kill myself". i guess i knew my brain was at that point. i argued terribly with someone and well i guess i know myself, because i literally had a nervous breakdown. i shook for four days straight. i didn't even get to te point of knwing what i would do. it didn't matter--i was desperate and psychotic. that has me terrified of myself and i need to not be alone for a bit. i know if they don't exterminate them they wll go to my neighbors when i leave. i need to be somewhere safe to contemplate losing all my stuff...again. also the racing in my chest won't quit. i was homeless the first time this year from benzodiazepine dependence. i beat that. bedbugs are worse because you can never be sure they are gone.i will be tortured not knowing.
already hivng bad ocd and bad depression from drug withdrawal,i just can't take this too. i am strong, but no one is this strong. so if i don't post i'm at the hospital. pray theydon't screw me up even more there. nowhere else to turn. no family support, no friends willin to help after my tough year. i havtried a long time. i need to rest.
OMG... I am glad that you have a plan and the insight to appreciate how to get yourself back on track.
I wish I had a resource to help you with your dog... A rescue organization may be able to help you.
You have written a very moving account about the desperation that an infestation can create... We would like to hear more from you as your situation progresses...
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