Got Bed Bugs? Bedbugger Forums » Tales of Bed Bug Woe
Can't sleep . . . overwhelmed
(9 posts)-
I just don't know what to say anymore. It's all been hashed and rehashed but this is the only place I can go where people don't tell me I'm overreacting.
How much more? I don't want to offend anyone but bedbugs feel like the modern-day version of Job . . . you just continually keep getting tested and tested and tested. I do have faith that I will one day be free of bedbugs, but why does it have to be so damn hard? Why have I had to lose so much? What is the purpose of these things anyway? I'm tired of not being able to sleep, of having to live out of bags, of wondering what piece of furniture will have to be sacrificed next.
Family and friends are no help and I've found myself becoming a bad person because of this . . . can't focus at work, can't feel truly happy for anyone else around me, descending slowly into isolation mode because I don't want to see anyone or try to make small talk about "everyday" things. Bitter because we have these pools at work for people getting engaged or who have suffered tragedies, and yet this doesn't count as a tragedy? At least with a house fire, it's all over at once . . . the fire doesn't randomly consume a piece of furniture each week, or burn you with stray embers every few days. And insurance will cover a fire.
Anyway, sorry for the BS post. I'm sinking into desperation and depression here, and have nowhere else to turn. Thanks for listening.
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lieutenantdan
oldtimer
Joined: Apr '07
Posts: 1,162
Posted 2 years ago
Thu Jan 3 2008 9:53:43
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stamps,
What you are going through and the way you are feeling are normal. I think that if you did not feel the way you do you would not be normal, you just would be a person that did not give a shit. Keep on fighting the war you have no option. Try to make it into a game. The more pro-active that I became the more I felt better. Steaming really helped me with an occassional strategic spray of Bedlam and DE dust. This bed bug epidemic is escalating and more people will have to deal so believe me you are not alone.
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I also worked myself into a state of depression but with 4 little girls to take care of I had to snap out of it. I just do my daily routine of cleaning and hunting and cleaning and then when the day is done, I hunt some more. It is hard but somehow the human body goes into protect mode and keeps going. It also helps me that I have a very understanding and loving sister who doesn't isolate me and she perks me up. I haven't had anyone shun me except the property management. I talk about the bugs to anyone who will listen and that helps alot! Just letting people know is the best way I have found to not just make it "my problem" and it gives me peace of mind. You'll make it you just have to remember to smile and if someone asked how you are, tell them. Don't sugar coat it for their benefit cuz it will help you in the long run!! Good luck and remember to smile!!!
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bummedindenver
junior member
Joined: Oct '07
Posts: 83
Posted 2 years ago
Sat Jan 5 2008 2:40:26
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Hi Stamps,
I just saw your post. I'm so sorry you are in such a bad place.
I had a really, really bad day yesterday (this was before we found the smoke detector harborage). I cried, I lost it. I was overwhelmed with feeling so TIRED of living out of bags, so tired of devoting so much time to this....so tired of my house and life feeling like a total freak show....
It's okay to feel this way sometimes. But just sometimes.
I know, I know, I know the feeling of wanting to isolate yourself, but it just makes everything worse. Fighting the urge to isolate yourself is of utmost importance.
Go to movies. Give yourself time to take your mind off of this sometimes. Hang out with your friends, and I think you need to keep talking about mundane things with other people. It's a reminder that life goes on. Don't talk just about the bugs.
I don't think that the bugs are "for" anything. They are just one more critter on the planet trying to survive. But they remind me that life is not and will never be perfect. Not that this is any comfort, but there have been many times in my life when I've thought, "when ____ ends" or "_______ starts", or " ________ happens", then life will be right and I can get on with it.
But I've found only very very brief moments when life was totally perfect. Otherwise, it is a mix of great fun, monotony, joy, sorrow, and one challenge after another. And that is just the way it is. We get a lot of great moments in our lives, but the tradeoff seems to be having to navigate the challenging moments in between. Unfortunately, this bb one is a big challenge. But if it wasn't bed bugs, it could be something even worse. Again, maybe that is not any comfort, but it just seems to be the way it goes.
Getting bit by bugs absolutely does not fit with the picture of a "normal" American life. And that is what causes so much of the stress, for me anyway. I hate feeling like such a freak. Yea, having itchy bites sucks, but what really sucks is the feeling of being a freak. People like ME do not have problems like this.
But of course we do now. And it is very stressful reconciling our new reality with how we think our life should be. Some of the stress is surely external (one feels a lot more anxious when sleep deprived), and there is no question that the financial consequences of this are pretty brutal, but some stress, I think, we bring on ourselves by having these expectations of how our lives should be. Have you talked to a doctor about something to help you sleep? I did, because I couldn't climb into bed every night without them. I am remaining optimistic and strong, because there is no choice. And I am using drugs judiciously to get through this.
I'm with lieutenantdan on the benefits of being pro-active. Doing at least something every day, caulking, steaming, spreading DE, something, anything, is better than nothing.
You will get through this. Just don't isolate yourself. That is surely the way to spiral further downward. Don't do it. Don't go there.
You will get through it. Be strong and take care, Stamps.
And don't apologize for posting what you are feeling. We get it.
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needtosleep
junior member
Joined: Nov '07
Posts: 77
Posted 2 years ago
Sat Jan 5 2008 8:02:20
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Dear Stamps,
What amazes me about this site is that I could have written a lot of these posts myself--that's how familiar the emotions are. But it always comforts me to know that there are others who share the same sentiments. You are not a bad person, just a stressed person. Remember: You're fighting a long, drawn-out battle, but you're going to win. I think we all recognize that having bed bugs is like waking up one morning to find thieves in your house, except that these thieves are not only going to steal from you every day, they're going to live with you while they do it.
I'm sitting here this morning after two bites last night, and I've decided that even if the bugs ruin my nights, I will not allow them to ruin my days. I actually left my baby with my husband last weekend and went to a movie, to lunch, to a cafe, talked about nonbuggy topics with friends, and it was wonderful. It reminded me of the life I will be getting back to soon, I hope. I went through a period when all I did was panic and weep and feel envious of just about every single person I passed on the street (with the exception of the homeless guy). I still have my fits of impotent rage, but they don't last as long now, and what helps me is staying active (caulking, steaming, vacuuming), and having a game plan. I think that if you nudge yourself out of isolation mode, you'll actually remember what normal life is like.
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stamps wrote: How much more? I don't want to offend anyone but bedbugs feel like the modern-day version of Job . . . you just continually keep getting tested and tested and tested.
Hey stamps, one of Job's trials was getting stricken with a horrible skin condition. The ancients would totally understand what you're getting at. In fact, Job's skin is put through the wringer, because having his entire family wiped out and losing all his worldly possessions still was not "bad" enough to drive Job to curse God. So, the celestial gamblers devised "evil boils" as the ordeal, after all those other tragedies, that would push Job over the edge.
To me, it's so interesting that the writer(s) of the Book of Job chose a skin disorder as one of the epic ways this man suffers. It's an insight into how we all (can) suffer. Losing the objects of our love (human and things) is one way. Having our physical bodies besieged is another. At one point, Job describes himself as covered in maggots. No bible translation I've seen uses the word bedbug. But, in my mind, I'm thinking that the ancients must have wrangled with these suckers. This story tells me they knew how bad they were - even if some our contemporaries don't. Affirmation for the 21st century.
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hey stamps,
everyone here has given you great advice.
i would echo needtosleep and bummedindenver on the need to have some "normal" fun in the midst of this.
to turn ltdan's advice another way: do something FUN every day. it may not seem urgent to, and it might seem downright absurd, but if you do not enjoy yourself during this process, it will harm your health.
also, to you or anyone who might find this helpful--if you eventually feel depressed or stressed because of this, remember that some of our members have found comfort, strength, and assistance from seeing a therapist. Bed bugs do not cause disease (as far as we know, yet, etc.) but they definitely cause genuine stress and anxiety which doctors can help with. Just having a therapist to vent to seems to have helped a number of folks here.
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parakeets
oldtimer
Joined: Mar '07
Posts: 913
Posted 2 years ago
Mon Jan 7 2008 12:44:49
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I am so glad you posted how you feel since many people coming here feel the same way, and you have helped everyone who reads your post. When I got bedbugs I thought I was the only one who felt that way. Somehow I thought that I should be more resilient or stoic or why was I feeling so bad from a bug? Now I know bedbug bites are a traumatic assault on our bodies, while we are in bed sleeping, that we cannot fully control (because if bedbugs were easy to control they wouldn't be the problem they are becoming), and that has psychological and health effects that can last. There have been great suggestions here so far. The only thing that I can add is that it helped me when I learned that there are children in Africa who live on the street and have no beds or toys and yet they still have bedbugs. I felt great compassion with these children and thinking of them helps me understand more about this human life we share. I know that we are all somehow in it together and we all share your pain.
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fightorflight
senior member
Joined: Jan '08
Posts: 694
Posted 2 years ago
Mon Jan 28 2008 6:03:45
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I have posted in response to you before and been harsh, but I think you can understand why.
In response to this, though (old, I know, but we're all obsessives by now) you have my complete and utter sympathy and understanding. How weird and isolating it is to go into that Whole Foods in Cherry Creek (just needed some soup after replacing belongings at The Container Store) and see all the hip people, leading their "normal" lives with the usual ups and downs. This is something wholly different. Yeah, it's tragedy to be cheated on or lose your job or have a life-threatening illness. But, but... there is something uniquely destructive about these bugs.
I don't think admitting this leads people to despair, just an acceptance that yes, this is some shit. And I have had the same frustration with The Uninfected, as you can see from my many posts.
best,
ForF
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