Got Bed Bugs? Bedbugger Forums » Tales of Bed Bug Woe
bed bugs are pushing me towards suicide.....
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screwbedbugs
newbite
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 12
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 9:03:30
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Yes so anyways, I'm 20 yrs old, live in an apartment with my parents, and I have bed bugs. They were first noticed months ago and were brough in by someone else in my apartment building from a used matress they bought. We had the place exterminated once and it didn't help, so we had it exterminated again, and it SEEMED to get rid of them. That was around 4 months ago. However, the last few weeks I've been starting to getting bug bites that looked like they may have been bug bites, so I was suspicious. And just last night, I found a bed bug crawling on my arm. It really just sent me into a deep depression.....I mean fuckin dam, are they ever going to go away??? We called the landlord and and he said he'd call the exterminator again. However, I doubt its going to be of much help, these things just aren't going to go away. Even if we somehow got rid of them in this apartment, there's 3 other apartments in this building, so I doubt we could rid all of them. He's probably calling some clueless exterminator who has no idea what the hell he's doing or any idea how to get rid of bed bugs. My dad told him to think about calling terminix but I doubt he'll listen, he'll just go with the least expensive choice he can find (I've heard some negative things about terminix, but either way I bet they're better then the guys he's calling)
Its just depressing me so much.....I seriously am considering suicide. I've been battleing depression for the last few years (that's my problem though, not yours) and this is the last straw. These things are never going away and I'm just sick of living like this, it just gives me the chills thinking about bugs crawling on me as I sleep, to the point where I can't even sleep at all. I just don't know what to with myself, I've been crying all day.....ending my life is becoming a more attractive option the more I think about it.....
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senior member
Joined: May '07
Posts: 436
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 9:20:44
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If you are seriously depressed and contemplating an irrevocable action or desperate plea for help, I as I'm sure we all, or at least 99%, of the folks her urge you to seek professional mental health
help. As far as the bed bugs are concerned they too will pass although not without work and in the long run become an obstacle overcome. Good Luck -
screwbedbugs
newbite
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 12
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 9:24:25
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I've seen help....and it doesn't help. There's no cure for my problems. These bed bug are the last straw, I thought they were finally gone but apparently not, it seems like they're never gonna go away, especially with our landlord. And even if we move, I'm sure we'll just bring them with us, so there's rly no way out except killing myself
But thanks for the reply....
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buggyinsocal
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Joined: Jun '08
Posts: 1,130
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 10:33:17
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Screwbedbugs.
Bed bugs can be a major stressor and trigger for any underlying mental health issue. I'm an insomniac, and bed bugs wrecked havoc on me for obvious reasons.
Bed bugs can be beaten. Even by people who are in situations that make it a lot harder.
However, you have to be here to survive bed bugs. We can help with the bugs, but you have to take the first step and get help for the depression first.
If you're already seeing a therapist and the therapist isn't helping, maybe talking to someone at the following number can help.
1-800-273-TALK
That's the phone number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. PLEASE call them. We want to see you be successful in your fight against bed bugs.
Getting the bed bugs under control can be done. I've been bed bug free for over a year, and I live in an apartment building.
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momto2boys
newbite
Joined: Jun '09
Posts: 29
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 12:55:08
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I understand where you're coming from. I'm sure it seems like a hopeless battle, but remember that you will beat them. In a few years this will all be a memory.
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screwbedbugs
newbite
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 12
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 13:41:17
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momto2boys - 44 minutes ago »
I understand where you're coming from. I'm sure it seems like a hopeless battle, but remember that you will beat them. In a few years this will all be a memory.Thanks for your help and compassion, but you don't really know that this will all be a memory....a few years from now I could have a huge infestation still living in this apartment with me, and by then it most likely will be nearly impossible to get rid of.
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momto2boys
newbite
Joined: Jun '09
Posts: 29
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 13:48:43
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Do you think your parents would move if it reached that level? Or can you move out? Maybe go stay with a relative or a friend (being careful to de-bug all your stuff first of course)?
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screwbedbugs
newbite
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 12
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 13:53:24
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momto2boys - 2 minutes ago »
Do you think your parents would move if it reached that level? Or can you move out? Maybe go stay with a relative or a friend (being careful to de-bug all your stuff first of course)?There's really nobody else I can stay with, and my parents do want to move but with 2 dogs, it makes it very hard. Also I'm pretty sure if we moved, we'd bring them with us, so I just feel so trapped. Its like either way, whether we stay here or moved, we're screwed.
I just can't take the pain and tears anymore, I wanna die so fuckin bad!!!!!
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momto2boys
newbite
Joined: Jun '09
Posts: 29
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 14:05:21
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There are other options better than suicide though. If you're truly at that point with bb's just leave all your stuff and get out. Get a hotel and join the peace corps or take a bus somewhere rural and cheap and get a job. You are never without options. Anything is better than suicide because your life is worth living. I really hope you call a suicide prevention hotline. They are experts in helping and I am not.
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Just itching to get rid of them
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Joined: May '09
Posts: 124
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 14:24:00
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screwbedbugs, It's very hard at this moment to feel the little hope you need to begin to feel better. But you will soon feel hope. BBs are terrible, absolutely horrible, but we, human beings can endure even worse things and survive. Have you told your parents how bad you feel? You need to talk to somebody about your anger and fear. It is very frightening to have bbs on the attack, and so far the people who are supposed to be responsible appear pretty powerless. That must be making you feel very angry. You may find therapy helpful. If you already are in therapy or counseling, call up your therapist and tell how you feel. right now. If not, make an appointment with your doctor, and he or she will help you decide whether therapy and/or medication will help you through this difficult time. If you are really feeling utterly desperate, let the part of you that still wants to live direct you to the nearest hospital emergency room and get help. Your life is very precious.
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hi there, I couldn't help but look at your topic title because it looked like something I wanted to write a couple of months ago. I wanted to die , too. My reasons were almost the same as yours. I even told my landlord and ( can you believe.....) he said, "You have to do what you have to do." That's when I got very angry and decided to fight back. I had just enough anger in me that same day to type a long exhausting email about my situation and my clinical depression and how it was affecting me due to some dumb landlord who only thinks about how much money he's spending on something he didn't even cause. Anyways I sent this email with photos of my living environment, captured bedbugs, bites, etc. to everyone out there. I sent it to the newspapers, senators, mayors, local politicians, tenant association, etc. I went ballistic on my computer for hours and cried out for help. I made it into this huge picture of landlord bullying the small and helpless tenant. I felt slightly better for whatever it was worth.
The senator's office forwarded my email to all these different people and finally sent it to my local health dept( who I had contacted earlier and were of little help) head guy. He was very gung-ho about my situation probably because he knew I could send a compalint letter back to the senator just as easily as I sent the previous one. Anyways I am here today finally talking to this head guy and lo and behold as I am on the phone with him I find a live BB on my bed. It is engorged with my blood, of course. I caught it alive, kept it in a bottle. The head guy comes over to my apt to see the evidence and sees my 4 bites on my arm, then makes an appointment to sit down with the landlord to discuss how to bring this to an end. The appointment is tomorrow and I am very happy. I hope the LL knows he shouldn't fool around with an angry asian girl.
Nevertheless, I am aware you are in a slightly different situation than me. You have two dogs.Looking at it from a once-suicidal severely depressed person's perspective you need to pause and rationalize or trick your mind into rationalizing. I find theré's a lot of self-persuading to do.You also need to force yourself to be around people and get your mind off it. Yes, there's lot of scheming you have to do against your mind when you're clinically depressed. Just trying to be hopeful doesn't work. I know it is almost impossible to be hopeful when you're at that suicidal moment.Try to trick your mind into thinking there is your soul talking to you in a rational manner telling you that BBs are nasty and disgusting and you may feel hopeless and miserable, but it's actually the chemicals in your brain that exasperate your anxiety and depression. If you had stronger brain genes or whatever we may call them in our heads, it would not seem as worse as it feels. In order to not feel suicidal, you need stronger brain proteins such as dopamine, serotonin, and GABA in your head. Do yoga or walk/ run. Eat fresh vegetables such as brocolli and spinach. Take supplemental vitamins like omega3 oils and magnesium. Stay away from carbon drinks, corn fructose syrup, sugar or any sort. I have been able to be suicidal free for almost two mths. I went to see a psychiatrist and therapist and they told me to take an anti-depressant, but I opted for a healthier diet and yoga and told them I would be back for medication if the others failed. I may go back for medication but for now my healthy diet and yoga is helping me stay focused and and have a higher threshhold for enduring stress and disgusting stuff like BB.
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Jason1
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Joined: Jun '09
Posts: 224
Posted 3 months ago
Thu Aug 6 2009 17:21:10
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Excellent reply!
No point me rambling on after that....you said it all.
Except I will say....20 years old is far too YOUNG to die, especially at your own hands.
I realize depression is at the heart of the matter.....but as you said yourself, bb's are pushing you over the edge.
What I think, is that you need to get angry, I mean really bloddy angry, and decide you will NOT let these little bastards push you to the brink, and end your life. Don't let them do it. Get mad, get angry, do whatever the hell it is you have to do to get attention to this bed bugs matter. The above poster had/has some great ideas!
Good luck....DON'T LET THEM WIN!
jkim - 18 minutes ago »
hi there, I couldn't help but look at your topic title because it looked like something I wanted to write a couple of months ago. I wanted to die , too. My reasons were almost the same as yours. I even told my landlord and ( can you believe.....) he said, "You have to do what you have to do." That's when I got very angry and decided to fight back. I had just enough anger in me that same day to type a long exhausting email about my situation and my clinical depression and how it was affecting me due to some dumb landlord who only thinks about how much money he's spending on something he didn't even cause. Anyways I sent this email with photos of my living environment, captured bedbugs, bites, etc. to everyone out there. I sent it to the newspapers, senators, mayors, local politicians, tenant association, etc. I went ballistic on my computer for hours and cried out for help. I made it into this huge picture of landlord bullying the small and helpless tenant. I felt slightly better for whatever it was worth.
The senator's office forwarded my email to all these different people and finally sent it to my local health dept( who I had contacted earlier and were of little help) head guy. He was very gung-ho about my situation probably because he knew I could send a compalint letter back to the senator just as easily as I sent the previous one. Anyways I am here today finally talking to this head guy and lo and behold as I am on the phone with him I find a live BB on my bed. It is engorged with my blood, of course. I caught it alive, kept it in a bottle. The head guy comes over to my apt to see the evidence and sees my 4 bites on my arm, then makes an appointment to sit down with the landlord to discuss how to bring this to an end. The appointment is tomorrow and I am very happy. I hope the LL knows he shouldn't fool around with an angry asian girl.
Nevertheless, I am aware you are in a slightly different situation than me. You have two dogs.Looking at it from a once-suicidal severely depressed person's perspective you need to pause and rationalize or trick your mind into rationalizing. I find theré's a lot of self-persuading to do.You also need to force yourself to be around people and get your mind off it. Yes, there's lot of scheming you have to do against your mind when you're clinically depressed. Just trying to be hopeful doesn't work. I know it is almost impossible to be hopeful when you're at that suicidal moment.Try to trick your mind into thinking there is your soul talking to you in a rational manner telling you that BBs are nasty and disgusting and you may feel hopeless and miserable, but it's actually the chemicals in your brain that exasperate your anxiety and depression. If you had stronger brain genes or whatever we may call them in our heads, it would not seem as worse as it feels. In order to not feel suicidal, you need stronger brain proteins such as dopamine, serotonin, and GABA in your head. Do yoga or walk/ run. Eat fresh vegetables such as brocolli and spinach. Take supplemental vitamins like omega3 oils and magnesium. Stay away from carbon drinks, corn fructose syrup, sugar or any sort. I have been able to be suicidal free for almost two mths. I went to see a psychiatrist and therapist and they told me to take an anti-depressant, but I opted for a healthier diet and yoga and told them I would be back for medication if the others failed. I may go back for medication but for now my healthy diet and yoga is helping me stay focused and and have a higher threshhold for enduring stress and disgusting stuff like BB. -
This is a common side effect of the bugs, the bites, and the living conditions. I have been in that state of mind as well. You will get control of these bugs. You already had some success, more than some. You also may have to get used to the fact that these bugs are a fact of life, at least for the near future. There are ways to live with it. Think about the people who live in crime ridden nabes that have to learn to cope - and survive. I think about the scientists that go to far-away places and have to deal with tropical diseases for which there are no or little preventions or cures. It is believed that Charles Darwin suffered from Chagas' Disease. Not to minimize your pain, but there's worse parasites than bed bugs.
You sound like a beautiful young woman. And your dogs need you, too.
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Please call the number buggyinsocal mentioned, or go to an emergency room. Depression is a treatable medical condition.
Bed bugs are stressful but you can get through them. As others said, please get help -- and then you will be able to get past the infestation too. You are worth it.
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screwbedbugs
newbite
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 12
Posted 3 months ago
Fri Aug 7 2009 6:08:33
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bait - 9 hours ago »
This is a common side effect of the bugs, the bites, and the living conditions. I have been in that state of mind as well. You will get control of these bugs. You already had some success, more than some. You also may have to get used to the fact that these bugs are a fact of life, at least for the near future. There are ways to live with it. Think about the people who live in crime ridden nabes that have to learn to cope - and survive. I think about the scientists that go to far-away places and have to deal with tropical diseases for which there are no or little preventions or cures. It is believed that Charles Darwin suffered from Chagas' Disease. Not to minimize your pain, but there's worse parasites than bed bugs.
You sound like a beautiful young woman. And your dogs need you, too.I'm a guy actually, but thanks for the reply.....and thank you to everyone else as well
The pain is just so unbearable, every second of every minute is becoming so hard, I just don't know how I'm gonna get through this.....I don't think these bugs will ever go away
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Dragonflight is a provocateur, and his/her comments are juvenile and designed to grab attention.
Please remember that having bed bugs is not the same as living with Aids, or living with a terminal illness, or a lost limb, or being homeless, hungry, destitute, being beaten, etc. Many folks, myself included, wished I would die during the worst of it. But I'm glad I didn't. I enjoy laying under a tree watching the clouds pass overhead, or hearing waves crashing on the beach, or eating chocolate, or spending time with close friends, or listening to music that moves me to dance, or appreciating the fragility of the human condition, or being loved.
It's my personal belief that taking one's own life through unnatural means will not resolve depression, but in fact result in way worse torment for who knows how long. Imagine if that's true. That would suck! What if not being able to deal with the torment of bed bugs is nothing compared to the torment one would suffer after a self inflicted intentional death.
It's very easy to lose perspective when you are terrified and sleep deprived. But having bed bugs is not as bad as any of those things. You have been encouraged to seek help. It's up to you. I would suggest not being quite so self indulgent in your depression right now and seeking support and treatment from a qualified professional.
You can take all the precautions on this forum to ease your bug problem. It's not pleasant. It's aweful, but it's never as bad or difficult as the things above. Remember that.
Portland, OR
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DragonFlight's post suggesting an entire infested building needs to be burned down was deleted It's not true, and it's not helpful to suggest this to a depressed person.
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Screwbedbugs
There is a part of you that wants to live ... There are others like your parents and your dogs that need you here.... You have to find your own reasons ... Effective help is available
One thing that I can tell you is that the bed bugs can be defeated.... I know it doesn't seem that way now, but a skilled professional can help your family become bed bug free.... Fumigation of a rental truck can eliminate the infestation with a single treatment..
Reach out to others... Isolation is your enemy... Locate some resources in your community... Talk with your friends... In NYC try the Albert Ellis Institute or online...
You could always turn the tables and become an exterminator.... Find a reason ... Reach out.. Take it on faith that bed bugs are a temporary problem for now.... Identify some resources... Let us know how it goes...
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spideyjg
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Joined: Jul '08
Posts: 1,405
Posted 3 months ago
Fri Aug 7 2009 11:30:11
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Nobugsonme - 1 hour ago »
DragonFlight's post suggesting an entire infested building needs to be burned down was deleted It's not true, and it's not helpful to suggest this to a depressed person.Delete mine where I quoted the madness.
Jim
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screwbedbugs
newbite
Joined: Aug '09
Posts: 12
Posted 3 months ago
Fri Aug 7 2009 12:48:03
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Thank you so much for the warm replies everyone,(except for dragonflight), I know all of us here are (or have previously been) fighting the same fight with these things. After all this time I thought they were gone, like I said it just doesn't feel like they will ever go away, and they may very well not with the 3 other clueless families in the other apartments (not making fun of them, they just don't know much about them, they probably have them and don't realize it). And plus, my jerk landlord who could probably care less, and the extermination company he's calling who probably are clueless about the bed bugs as well.
But yea hopefully I can stay at my brothers apartment for the next few days (all depends on what his wife says), I think that would help me clear my mind a bit (or at least I hope). I'm not bringing any clothes (except the ones I'm wearing) or anything in hopes that I don't spread the bugs to his house, he lives 5 minutes from me so hopefully I can stay there for a bit and get a good nights sleep for once.
Thank you everyone, I really appreciate it! Idk if I'll ever get over this or not or if I'll ever be happy again but its good to know that I have support here.
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Hi screwbedbugs,
I just sent you an email and a PM.
This is the email:
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Hi screwbedbugs,
I am the admin at Bedbugger.com. (That's why I can see your email.)
If you are still feeling suicidal, you need to seek immediate medical help. PLEASE call 911 / go to the ER / or call your physician right away.
There are also good resources here:
Metanoia's "Suicide? Read this first." has good information including links to free 24/7 telephone hotlines worldwide and internet support: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
Patient Handbook: Depression has additional resources: http://www.ic-network.com/handbook/depression.html
I am closing this thread because forum admin and participants are not qualified to counsel anyone.
Please know we all hope you will get help ASAP. And of course, please feel free to start new threads for support or bed bug advice.
Best Wishes,
nobugs -
momto2boys
newbite
Joined: Jun '09
Posts: 29
Posted 3 months ago
Fri Aug 7 2009 16:05:50
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I'm really glad you're going to stay with your brother. I think a good night's sleep will really help you feel a bit better and make a plan.
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