Re: getting bed bugs again…. I go with the personal policy of being less cluttered, so I can see what’s going on better. It feels better too. I also go with the personal policy of not being overly careful. yeah, I check hotel rooms and stuff, kick off my shoes in the hallway before coming inside, not putting purse on the bed, etc, washing my linens every 3 days still in hot hot hot and drying in hot hot hot, but, I am not going to live in a “plastic” bubble.

That’s just me.

We’ve all gotta do what we gotta do.

Anonymous started this thread with an ill-advised comment. Anonymous owns the copyright to the comment. If Anonymous asks NoBugs to remove the comment, then NoBugs can do so without having to make the decision herself and being accused of censorship. And then we can all acquiesce to having our posts on this thread removed.

So please Anonymous, pull your comment.

And someday when our progeny discover this blog and come across this post, they will not see any of this bickering, but will instead just say: “Damn, I can’t believe Caitlan got bed bugs again!” And then they’ll drop to their knees and exclaim: “Oh My NoBugs, this blog foretold of Her apotheosis! This is the missing holy scripture!”

Now, if all this bickering remains here, they might miss that.

I hope that we can all put this behind us and get back to the objectives of our participation here. I didn’t think I needed to say anything more, except that some of what you write made me pause.

I’m not privy to all that you allude to, but as an outside observer, I must point out the following:

This site overwhelmingly advocates for PCO treatments to treat bedbug infestations. When people self-treat, they often do a disservice to themselves by not beating the problem quickly and enduring protracted infestations. When people here advocate self-treatment, the administrator will often point out the drawbacks and possibly serious consequences of doing so. These interventions, if you will, are not personal, and stem from a firmly held belief as to what is really necessary in order to fight bedbugs.

I think in your case you used a lot of self-treatment techniques even if in the end they did not avail and you had to move. So, while you discovered many wonderful tools during your ordeal, you may not realize that for many people, self-treating (with pesticides) can backfire and cause harm and, worst of all, not even solve their bedbug problem. I believe that you took the trouble to learn about what you were doing and how to do it safely. Do others take similar steps? We have seen people in the forums use pesticides or other substances themselves to ill effect and put themselves and their families in danger.

So, I think none of us should take it personally when a suggestion is not greeted with enthusiasm or when corrections are made by Nobugs. To give one example, telling people to use Drione may seem like a good idea until you learn that they’re doing it in terribly dangerous ways.

All of this is not to devalue your many wonderful contributions. I always recommend the tools that you recommend with confidence since I know that you have spent a lot of effort and time into ascertaining their quality and usefulness. I only mean to clarify what you may have seen with regard to pesticide and “proactive” treatment recommendations being directly followed by comments offering a different perspective. It is not personal, not for you or for me or anyone else here.

I hope this helps explain a little what you describe in terms of your suggestions.

The other interest that the administrator has to balance, to judge by her comments and recommendations to others, is to make sure that people do not panic when they face a bedbug infestation. When people panic, they make poor decisions and deepen their misery. Often, Nobugs will seek to make people see that all is not lost and that rational steps can be taken. This interest results in many comments that directly follow expressions of despair and panic but cannot be understood as an attempt to invalidate the strong emotional response to bedbugs that many of us feel. It is only for the benefit of those who are new to the problem. It helps immensely when people see a message that is encouraging, that lets them know that they won’t have to move or store all their furniture or lose their joy in life and travel. These encouraging messages should not be construed as devaluing a more pessimistic take on the issues.

Finally, I am often taken aback by your and others insistence that some people (whether because of family life or accumulation of possessions) will suffer more than others. My personal experience of bedbugs was devastating. However, as much as I vehemently disagree with such tiers of suffering and financial loss and resent the implications, I try not to take personal offense when you and others voice those opinions! I know you don’t mean to invalidate my experience and you don’t mean to belittle my suffering. Do you see? I urge you, similarly, not to take personal offense when others have different perspectives.

Respectfully…

I do not owe you any apologies or explanations for disagreeing with you. You are pulling things out of context and I will not bore others with the details of prior disagreements.

As I tried to make clear above, and as persona-non-bugga has noticed, I generally leave comments up even when they disagree with me, and frankly, even when they are insulting to me. Whether someone is my “friend” or not is irrelevant.

When I have made an error, as with the quotation you mention, I have corrected myself. That you never notice such corrections, does not mean they do not occur.

But let me be very clear: my patience is being tried here. You have always been welcome to participate. If you don’t want to, that’s fine too.

Dear Bugalina,

The posts and opinion from a single “anonymous” are in no way sufficient to malign your character. I have no doubt that anyone reading such comments about him/herself would experience such words as being hurtful. I know I would. Still, just because one person voices an opinion does not necessarily mean that others reading it will automatically adopt that view or even approve of that view. I most certainly didn’t. If, by chance, you suspect that “anonymous” speaks for some collective body … I really don’t think that’s the case. Those posts & ideas came from one individual - one person. Not anyone else. And by anyone else, I also mean those words did not come from nobugs.

The only thing “anonymous” did was remind me how foolhardy it is to psychoanalyze others on this site based on some piecemeal internet posts. One, because I don’t have the education or training to do so. Two, because even several dozen written posts - as sincere as they may be - are just fractions of thoughts in time and don’t give anywhere near an accurate representation of the person writing them. Three, people pour their hearts out on these forums. I’d hate to have a chilling effect on a forum where people in distress - including me - come to vent and seek out support.

As you know, managing, writing, and moderating a quality site like this requires so much skill, effort, and time. nobugs is just one person. As a site owner, she seems pretty great, but she’s not some perfect entity, and she cannot please 100% of the site participants 100% of the time. The site policy seems to allow pretty broad latitude for people to speak & vent their minds. No doubt people have gotten bruised when discussions have been heated. I’ve seen posts critical of nobugs, herself, which she leaves as part of the collective discussion. Just because she doesn’t delete them doesn’t mean that she endorses

My hunch is that, as a matter of general policy, nobugs seems reluctant to delete posts from the comments & forum sections. When she has deleted posts elsewhere, I’ve noticed a message from her explaining the reason as well as specifying the person who requested the deletion. I think such statements are prudent, otherwise site members might mistakenly believe that nobugs deletes posts inconsistently or for her own mysterious, private reasons.

Is it not possible that nobugs’ management of these series of comments was just an application of her regular policy on deleting posts? That is — she deletes in extremely rare cases and/or when a site-user requests it and has a compelling reason for it. Then, as a matter of course, nobugs might follow up with an explanation, including a note on whether she deleted based on a request.

Part of the problem might be that “anonymous” wrote that he/she considers him/herself to be a “friend” of nobugs. Based on that, there might’ve been bias imputed unfairly to nobugs’ actions. According to “anonymous,” he/she does not participate in “deep friendships.” I imagine that goes for interactions with nobugs. So I’m skeptical that there’s any tag-team activity going on here. Could you not give nobugs the benefit of the doubt in this case?

Bugalina, “anonymous” hurt your feelings. I was very sorry to see that. In my opinion, it was unfair and a bit ridiculous. I hope remembering that “anonymous” is just one person among thousands who visit this site everyday might alleviate some of your ill feeling about this matter. Because the source of those words is “anonymous” (as opposed to run-of-the-mill internet nickname), the words might seem all the more powerful and diffuse. It might be challenging to focus a reaction on the actual and only source of those words.

Also, I know I wrote that a slap in the face isn’t meant to help others. But it’s also possible that “anonymous” didn’t write the above posts out of some long-standing hostility towards you. Totally speculating here … it could’ve come from enthusiasm for that anxiety workbook and a misguided eagerness to apply its lessons to others. It could’ve just been a moment of social awkwardness. Remember, “anonymous” shared that he/she struggles when navigating through some type of social relationships. (As we all do to an extent.) I don’t think most people will treat his/her post describing who and what you allegedly “obviously” are as reliable testimony about your character.

When I do not delete a comment, it surely does not mean ipso facto that I am sanctioning it.

I think you yourself must have realized that a long time ago.