This is an aside, really, but I’ve heard a few stories where people have sought out therapists about the bed bug stress (not solely relationship oriented, or couples counselors, but still) and felt the therapist felt they were overreacting. (One Bedbugger with an active infestation was told by her therapist to have some herbal tea before she went to bed and not worry so much.)

So I am really glad to hear (a la Caryn’s post about changes) that maybe more of them are hearing about this too. It sounds like you found someone who said just the right thing. I am so glad you shared it. Perhaps copying this and sharing it with under-sympathetic significant others would be helpful for others?

Also, this is an entirely unscientific observation, but I note that it’s more common for women to tell us they’re the only ones in their male-female homes who get bitten (or, should I say, suffer from bites), than for men to do so.

I read once that women were more likely than men to be targeted by bed bugs. I do not know if there’s any proof, but I can name a lot of you who live with unbothered men and so seem to fit that description. (I also realize that most of the men here suffer from bites too, and maybe some women don’t).

In any case, I envision a whole lot of women being told they’re crazy or overreacting or hysterical, simply because the man they live with does not get bitten.

My boyfriend, who I live with, is GREAT. He’s caring, empathetic and patient. However, he hasn’t had a single bite, and it’s caused somewhat of a rift between us. We actually saw a counselor, together, this week.

The main issue is that I have changed, and he has not. I am energized to fight these bugs, and it’s practically all I want to talk about. I am motivated by fear, and have definitely become a little obsessive. (Can’t sit still, investigating every itch, trouble sleeping, scared of the dark). All of this freaks him out.

One night, we were lying in bed, and I said, simply, “I’m scared.” And it struck a nerve I guess, because he said, “Why are you still scared? This has been going on for weeks and weeks. Aren’t you used to it by now?” I said no, I’d never be used to it. Then he said, “I’m scared of losing you.”

And I can understand how he’d feel that way - because I do feel like a different person. I want to go back to who I was, but it’s not that easy.

The counselor was really helpful. She assured him that “you will get your girlfriend back.” She called my bedbug experience most similar to “acute stress disorder,” which is similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (which some soldiers get after coming home), except that instead of being post-traumatic, it’s still traumatic, even now. She said it’s like getting into a car and having a car crash, every single day.

I think this opened his eyes a lot, that I am a) reacting in a normal way and b) going to be fine when this is over. The reason I will be fine, is because I am dealing with it, emotionally, now. (Not burying it away).

Just remember, he’s not motivated by fear, so his involvement simply can’t be at your level. And he’s frustrated because he’s essentially powerless. He can’t protect you from the bugs.

Instead, he can only be motivated by YOU. So do whatever you can to motivate him. Be strong, be positive, be your lovely former self. Give him jobs so he feels like he’s helping. But above all, make sure he knows that your behavior is normal for having bedbugs. If he doesn’t believe you, maybe you could see a counselor together.

Sorry for my ever-longer posts, everyone. I hope this helps.

I’m sorry. Try not to freak out.

Can you call your PCO and explain your symptoms and ask them to come back to inspect and possibly re-treat (or do something precautionary if possible)? That would be the approach I would take if I were you. It can’t hurt to try, can it?

Also, I am not married so I can’t really answer your question, but I remember several people commenting about friction in their relationships related to the exhaustion, frustration and hassle of dealing with infestations. Hopefully you’ll get some feedback.

Keep us posted on the situation, okay?

Jess